entah

ada jnis manusia yg bila tani jumpa, tani rasa down.. im trying to ignore this somewhat heavy feeling (that kind of feeling mcm tesinggung jua, mcm rasa kna patronize jua, mcm hurt jua.. ah i dont know which one) the kind of feeling yg berjaya menenggelamkan prasaan yg baik2.. hmm..

ah sodddaaah lah.

thats my morning.

in the afternoon, went to meet kawan.. had a catch up session.. and biasalah, kna blanja lah ku~ :p andang murah rezeki ni urg menganggur ani.. kihkih.. (thank you, and alhamdulillah..)

hari itu my-so-called  professional "partner" kana umpat.. heheh.. i wasnt surprised.. i could see that, i get it, get why there are parts of him yg inda kna suka.. but then, whatever they said wont change the way i treat him.. he has been a good friend to me, he has been my resort bilanya ku TTR arh urg rmai (heh heh), he has been helpful.. bukan jua ia jahat arahku.. andangnya jua there will always be parts of tani yang kurang diterima urg.. hehe.. aku ani bh, sama juanya, ada annoyingnya, ada jua yg bisainya (ahaha).. soo im more than thankful to those who are always there fr me, who treats me nicely, who puts up with me, who cope with whatever i am.. thank you.. :)

and meaning, i wont change the way i see all of them too. im all neutral.. or trying to be. hehe. tapi saya ini bukan lah baik.. pandai juaku inda suka urg.. mcm urg di atas skali itu, urg intro ku itu.. hehe..

all this while, i kept saying aku comfortable sama drg ani, tpi mcm over juaku mndescribe atu ah.. inda jua bh.. maybe it was just okay lah saja.. that i just.. blend in okay.. (eh apa jadi ini? haha)

ah i made my nephew cried tadi.. pasaaalll.. ia tutup lampu jamban timeku di dlm.. so i said "bah nada aiskrim ni ah" (bcause drg minta kautkan *is kaut the word?hehe* aiskrim bfore atu) but no responses, until finally kna buka kn balik.. inda plgku marah sbnrnya.. hehe.. tpi indaku mau drg nyanyat cmatu.. so when i kluar dari jamban, i asked who did that.. i didnt know who to trust sbnrnya.. dua2 potential suspects denied.. but then yg sorang ani ahirnya diam (inda lgi mendeny) and buat mua mnyamalnya bcause i kept saying "mesti mengakun or no ice cream" i just wanted him to be honest, that was all.. skali mnyamal tia plg. ah, indaku mujuk eh.. hehe.. ofcourse i felt a bit guilty.. but i want him to learn something, honesty especially.. but now we all good laah ofkos..

waaah if only i had this much time smpaaai nnti2.. kan siuk... i have time to meet friends, i have time for myself, for other people.. (wlwpun negative sidenya time ani utakku buntu lah.. hehe), if i have this much time, freedom and not running out of money, and utak pn inda buntu, plus ada sense of satisfaction somewhere, ah bahagia idup! hehe.


... and i will make sure to keep my distance,
... say i love you when youre not listening..


not sure what the song is really about, malasku mendissect the lyrics.. (yet).. but it sounds sedih.. hehe.. maybe its about having feelings fr someone we cant be with or we cant tell them our feelings (yet or ever), or its so much deeper than that or antah lah.. jgnth dpkirkan.. heh