window and november

i dont know how im doing.. searched articles like a mad girl (inda pun:p), tried constructing essay punya structure but not yet successful.. so masih th ku di tahap "window shopping" ni.. hehe.. until i know what exactly i want to write. and yes, 3 major essays to go.

got 7.8/10 for my presentation.. tpi aku inda satisfied. haha. syukur.. but its just that people told me ia ani generous mbagi markah presentation, the last mark i 'overheard' was this org putih, she said she wasnt prepared tpi ia dapat 8! and i wanted to beat her mark. tpi didnt beat her. to make it worse, i was kind of.. prepared. i made preparation. i read at least 3 articles. hmm. yatah nah high expectation lagi nah. haha. hopefully my paper fr this subject nada trouble and we scored at least decent mark.. a good pass, i would be grateful enough. better is bonus. :)

agh.. i.. i come to this blog because i was just wishing that my sister would have written me a letter.. bukan tepengaruh ps i love you ah.. hehe.. but.. antah ah, i wish i knew exactly what she would expect me to be if she is gone.. i wish i knew exactly what she would want me to do.. i know im very much disturbed doing my studies now and i want it to be over laju2.. and i miss home.. but i dont wanna go home and live where we used to live together :( i dont wanna sleep in our room :( i dont wanna be reminded of how things would have been.. i dont wanna realise that painful feeling, when i get home and search her face and she wouldnt be there.. and no one would wait for me to go back home the way she would have waited fr me.. :( no one would be as excited as she would have been.. what would i do without her? :(

all i could do is pray fr her.. pray fr my mother.. pray fr them..

if you read my june 2012 posts, you would remember i once wrote "i cannot live without my sister, no i cant" and i meant it.. its hard. it really is.. but i have to live without her, havent i? :( and i will try my best.. i will..

i wish fr november to come fast.. sure it'll come fast (insyaAllah) but my lecturer extended my due date, meaning i have to live 2 weeks of november as a student.. yatah, be careful of what u wish for.. haha.. should have wished "end of school with good grades and trouble-free and ilmu yg berkat, comes fast"... hehe