bitter

i know it well, the feeling of wanting the exam to be over.. wishing you dont have to sit all day long and revise.. not having to be sleepy and get tired of it.. and know it well too, when the exam is over, really over - just like you wished for.. it feels good, but you lost the exam routine hence the drastic "emptiness" and "hollow" of time-spending. you dont have to limit your time anymore, saying to yourself 'this is only for an hour, lapas tu aku mngafal' (but ofcourse not! one hour became two hrs and three.. and u name it). there is a certain emptiness.. something that is missing.. then, we have to re-adjust to the new routine.

been spending my two and a half days out of the house-most of the hours. ironically, i didnt have good and enough sleep these two days- exam punya sleep was better. but im gonna spend my next few days caved in the house. i want to re-adjust! (kn mqadha puasaku :p saaamaa... i just feel bitter)

and when i feel bitter, its like i dont feel an ounce of care of the world around me, of the things around, and even of the people around (generally, not exactly individually) .. i dont feel an ounce of love in me.. completely feeling dull and bitter.... i just wanna be home- wherever, whatever home is to me at those moments. because, if not.. im just gonna hate myself, and people will hate me and i will end up hurting those around me.. and just... the world seems a little bit darker than it already is. and i wanna run away from it, be in my own world.

now, i just wanna be home. caved in the house for a few days. keep myself from the crowd. be alone. spend my days lazying, do the exam routine- except now its without school-books. and yes, qadha puasa.