rewardss

so.. its been a long time? well, it feels long and short..

didnt get to go home for 5 weeks.. it was definitely hard for me.. had a big jungle ex at the 5th week, and all i could think of was "i have to go back before jungle, otherwise i'd function like a zombie" but alhamdulillah, i could still go on (eceh) and did okay.. its been a hell of 5 weeks actually, damam lah, itu lah, ini lah, a huge visit, jungle, motivational exercises and all.. but... pain is temporary, now lupaku udah :p

BUT i was equally happy for the good parts of those weeks.. i did good, and at one point, i started to question "why everything falls in place? why is it so good? it scares me" until three days ago, i performed badly, and i couldnt believe how painful that feeling was. it hurt me, disappointed me. i guess, thats because i really like the "subject", ive always been marked as the best at it and the "teacher" kept on saying how impressive he thought i was but.. i got a very bad mark that day.. and i felt baaaad.. he even said "i am a bit disappointed. i thought u'd show off with ur skills" it hurt me to disappoint him actually haha.. and ofcourse, myself.

its funny when suddenly ure good at something, scoring very well at it, at first not even realising it because thats what u like to do, not intending to impress anyone or for the sake of scoring.. kira naturally iklas lah tu (wohaha, tpi bnar :p) but skalinya kana acknowledge that ure good then suddenly this kind of feeling or desire build up: the pressure is on, u wanna be that way saaaja, u wanna be number one.. its a good thing, wanting to be the best but.. am i happy? partly yes, partly pressure.. and once i fall, even just a bit, it hurt so badly.. and… i think i am happier time2 "iklas" atu.. sigh.. salah2..

anyway..

ya Allah.. luruskan niatku, kuatkan mental fizikalku.. iklaskan niatku.. amin ya Allah..

its been more than half the journey.. inda lagi batah abis.. inda terasa.. but im nervous, because all the exercises yg tinggal smuanya tough2.. hmm… ya Allah.. kuatkn aku.. amin ya Allah..

this week was a test week.. i passed all.. some very good, some average.. kelmarin was the toughest one, one of those physical test yg aku takut berabis.. nasib pass.. 1minute plus lagi kan fail.. im thankful to the instructors yg support aku jua that day, mun inda waaah, nauzubillah.. huhu..

alhamdulillah..

and its been a great experience the past 6 weeks.. im gonna remember those learning points.. and im gonna remember it as one of the best weeks, my highest moments at the school so far..

ani abis sakit badanku eeeh.. but syukur eh, kana bagi reward mulih.. hehehe

well.. see u? :)