mambang tanah

so.. its been tiring lately. sakit badanku nuuu.. tidur pun inda cukup nuuu.. di malam 2 jam nganya nu.. but i like the little bit of freedom that is being given :)

had a bad day yesterday. didnt do the morning physical training well.. lately ive been having this sanak parut.. antah napakah, kurang coklet kali :p or my fitness sudah kurang lah.. yatah lately ive been stopping stgh jalan.. the difference is, yesterday i felt so frustrated and guilty i wanted to cry.. that was in the morning..

in the afternoon (extra class) training, i did worse. couldnt even pass my (straight consistent 2.4k pass-es) sakit parutku brabis tahap dewa dewi.. paling sanak th seumur idupku tu.. i couldnt even breathe properly.. but i didnt want to give up because i know giving up ends up hurting me inside.. tapiii when i reached the finishing line, it was so painful i cried.. i cried.. sigh..

my mood buruk buruk buruk..

and it was a wake up call.. my fitness, i need to be fit.. sakit nyamu inda fit ani (and yet it hurts too when people say -eh inda fit kau ani- and there you are, thinking u worked ur ass off to do all those difficult things..)

im a bit happy that i did better today. sakit parut pun inda sesakit kemarin.. and i was juussst a little happier.. hehehe..

and yesterday, i failed to be "proactive" - doing my task beautifully before kana tagih/mention.. kecewa saayaa kana kritik, kecewa saya seolah2nya saya mbawa org lain down.. hmmph..

andddd why am i being so surprisingly intimidated, scared and quiet when it comes to MY COURSE punya classes? that is supposed to be my opportunity to shine. tapi im afraid instead. sgala kunpiden abis beterabur. ceeehh.

okaaay lah. i need to read on my essay. ani mcm journal lah ni. heh.

i hope tomorrow's gonna be better. Amin ya Allah..