you are, you are.

ah just adding something i remember back in tembuuurrong.. that day, i met this one person.. he was quite old lah jua.. early 50 kali? or mid to ujung 40.. he used to serve in the military, and i supposed he knows so much about life, people, survival and our country.. byk experience lah yg pentingnya.. but my point is, i loved how he just identified who i am , where i came from correctly. no one ever described me point-blank lurus cematu - no matter how random kah guessnya atu lah -

he said how "orang kampong" i was.. and how "kedayan" i was.. based mostly on the fact i wore slippers masuk utan.. hehe.. (and maybe other things he gathered from looking at me).. he saw me and straightaway claimed confidently "ani baru ya kedayan hantap, beselipar ke hutan" might be random, but he was right. i came from kedayan people. and im a kampong girl. but come on, i knew the hutan wouldnt be so hutan.. i knew we wouldnt be going into the thick forest, masuk kwasan luar2nya saja.. and eventhough aku andang suka and slalu bslipar jipun wherever i go, (tapi inda jua luan ke utan atu pun pakai slipar sbnrnya) but that day, kakiku ngam lukaa.. and i couldnt tahan wearing shoes.. i wasnt intentionally kan bslipar and wasnt expecting kn kana highlight being beslipar.. but then again, he was an instructor, he would notice every little thing that "shouldnt be done"... hehe..

..though it was such an unplanned situation, i just revealed parts of me, and someone noticed! :)

most people would be surprised if they knew i am kedayan-ish (not purely lah. tpi thats where i came from), that i could speak and understand the slang.. entah, maybe pasal aku nada usul pandai cakap kali..

the second day i met him.. he saw me wearing slipar again.. he said "kenapa kau pakai selipar? main badminton ni karang" i responded to him "sakit kakiku. inda apalah, aku liat saja.. inda main"

him: "eh mesti semua main ni. aga pakai kasut" -with his serious face.. tapi ia ani bnrnya kuat jua beibun. so i dont really know how to read him..

me: "yakah? bh inda apalah, kalau mesti main, aku main be-kaki ayam saja" he somehow looked impressed and said how purely kampongan and kedayan i was! eh.. i didnt mean to give some kind of impressions.. i was just.. being myself.. he stopped at that and didnt force me to pakai kasut anymore. later, i really played badminton bare-footed.

the next day again, there was this place... main entrancenya kana pampan pakai some kind of bar basi yg tingginya singgan pinggang atu lah.. he asked us to go to the other side, of many spaces to choose kan ke sbalah atu, bulih saja jalan ke siring, avoid basi atu and just walk ke sbalah..  i chose to go under the basi menyuruk to go to the other side.. thats just how my spontaneous action works. the basi was infront of me, malasku kan mnyiring lagi.. i thought it was such a common thing that i didnt know, didnt expect that i'd be the only one doing that.. then he looked at me, saying the same things..

he came from the same background as me, i think. (and usually these people are proud of who they are hehe). and everytime he said what he said to me, he looked somehow amused. the way he looked, made me actually happy and proud being seen that way. i dont know why. haha. i just loved the way he looked at me. (not romantically, but as a person towards a person).

when i tell people where i live, most people dont know dmna kampong ku.. but there, its kind of famous. people liked to talk about it. and i liked how they liked that place.. i liked how they talked fondly of it..

so the next days, they asked us to makan this *unidentified tumbuhan* i supposed if aku purely orang kampong, i would have known benda atu, but sadly i didnt. haha. (i am a hybrid:p taken away and betrayed  and ruined by modernisation a lot.. :p)  tpi ku makan lah jua benda atu. then they kept on saying the same things (and with those same looks - i dont know how to describe, really. but mbagi sanang ati lah, like i belong. like they like me, like they accepted whoever i am- "kalau kau inda pandai makan, inda tah ku tau tu".. he called me "si kedayan".. interestingly, i didnt even use the slang and the language even once! haha. but still, he liked to call me and describe me that way. i dont mind (infact, i like it) because thats where i came from. thats a part of me. thats who i am.

i think, if i sensed it correctly, that they were kind of amused by *me* haha, thats bcause most people who come to their place ani purely orang bandar as in those who have never experienced kampong life at all.. (not that its a bad thing, not that im trying to put these two group of people into boxes and discriminate but i think it'd feel nice to meet orang yg share the same interest/exposure too) so hence the very welcoming looks they had fr me.. mcm klw in a different place, the role would be reverse.. people would treat those who share the same background with them more welcomingly than those who do not.. (or so i think).. macam kalau aku datang arah tmpat (say, tmpt yg ku inda familiar brabis lah, dont know how to put as an example), i wont be noticed at all.

thats just show some things.. like, actions speak louder than words? haha. i didnt reveal anything in words, he judged me from my actions (and apperance). and yeah, di maana pun tani, whatever we went thru, apa pun sudah kejadiaanya campur itu ini, inda jua ilang tu asal usul taani.. and even if people try to tapuk or try to change, there will be traces of who we really are somewhere in us :)

..and dont worry about "being yourself".. dont try to change who you are just so to please others or to fit in.. the right people would love you for who you are, no matter how flawed :) tapi agak2 laah dik, jgn sampai over, remember, there is such thing as 'di mana bumi di pijak, di situ langit di junjung' but still, doesnt mean its asking you to change who you are :)

sekian. :p