boaaah (completely training story)

just got back from training (well, like 10 mins ago.. maybe 11.37pm). finished at around 1110pm but becerita2 ku sekajap, yatah ahir sikit balik.

ah i dont like the training. i dont like it very much :(

everyone is super fit now. theyre not doing basics anymore. the basics that were easy for me.. and now, i cant do it the way i like to do it anymore; slow and steady and fun (and cheated at times); the way i dont need to force myself until i feel that 'workout pain..' the training is now going beyond my determination. yes i could do it. but.. i hated it. not even getting any sense of satisfaction! satisfaction i used to feel many months ago. now all i feel is mengalih. its just re-visiting things i used to be able to do (but exhausted ofcourse) and so, meaning there is no improvement.. just, getting back to where i was.. and the people im training with are at my fitness level now (and most are even better), so its no fun.. no fun having to try to catch up with them instead of them catching up with me.. trying to be at the same level sama2 pun sudah mbari malas, while slowing down or giving up is not a choice.. agh.. (kira ego lah tu. haha. not really, sadang lah kali, i think mostly i dont wanna disappoint coach.. he will go like 'youve been training with me since for ever.. but u cant even catch up with them.. sia2 saja usaha tani' ah, yeah, maybe something like that.. huuu

i guess lately ive been going to the training just for fun. i am not sure since when.. maybe since i dont have my original partner around.. maybe since the scholars started their training.. maybe since my session is changed to the 6am scholars session.. maybe since ive started going out for regular breakfasts.. maybe since i got closer and closer to the regular group.. maybe since i decided to relax and just have fun with my life (ah please dont take that away from me..)

and then.... i realised how fit they are after we did the running test last monday! :o

i.. hate training now. all i wanted fr these two nights were "i wanna go home. i shouldnt be here"

help me :(

pagi ani have to wake up early lagi ni. have to go somewhere to deal with my work/case/assignment.. maaa aaii..

maybe this is the consequences of having too much fun/break/slackissh life.. skalinya life jadi serius sedikit, kekajutan tiaa! heh nada harapan eh. haha

well.. lets just say maybe this is a beginning. so hold on, the beginning is always the hardest...

eemmm