went jogging up the hill yesterday. the one i did 5 laps 2months ago. so i can honestly say, yesterday was easier fr me than fr them.. tpi kmarin putus2 plg, jog-walk.. bukan versi ambung ni ah, tpi bnar.. :p it'll be difficult fr beginners. drg alum pun smpai sminggu training (but some of them are good. better than me. 4months later they will be super cyborg).. i remember the second day i did my training, kna suruh blari naik bukit.. it was tiring.. the one thing i just realised is that the advantage that i have, comparing to those yg baru2 training ani drg masih suffer sakit muscles and badan psal theyre not used to doing this yet.. bukan plg aku langsung nada sangal, ada jua laah but inda lah sesakit dorang.. so im happy to see rupanya ada th hasilnya jua trainingku ani sbnrnya.. hehe.. (sakit badan atu makes some differences tu ah. mbari marung tu sakit badan ah. hehe)
and mcm biasalah ah, sarapan on coach's treat.. and had our special conversations. he said that i have no problem in fitness (lying) but i have mindset problem (probably true). he pointed that this one girl will be in a lot of trouble, due to her physical posture and weaknesses. so i said "is she going to be more in trouble than i am" thats when he said i have no problem, just the mindset. duhhh. i had to criticize *them*, how they never learned from my case. didnt they see how angry i was - that we were blaming each other, didnt they care the trouble i am in? basically wasting my 6months+ menganggur (not that i mind now, im pretty happy now.. but some people would. their parents might get angry and all, seeing how promising the program had been). i can only imagine the sufferings that girl gonna encounter. people will say things to her, that make her doubt herself. she will go thru emotional breakdowns.. she will go thru physical challenges.. she will have to work extra extra harder than other people.. and all i know is, i dont want another person to go thru the emotional sufferings and doubts and difficulties ive been thru. and i am seeing a mistake in progress.. (hopefully i am wrong).
and the other girl has locked knees (payah tu kn survive the military without injuries/difficulties). so... are they being careless and selfish again? again, hopefully i am wrong.
coach told a lot about his uni times. i saw the light in his eyes. he was happy and excited and proud of what he had, has. and it occured to me: i think he needs this. he needs to share his stories with others. he needs to let his fond memory out and share with others.. it makes him happy. i think when we reach a certain age, we need to re-visit our glorious past and just have others to share it with..
the other woman told me how talkative i am now. when she first met me, she said i was quiet. (aku rasa inda pun. the first day, yes. the second day we talked a lot. but when she was with her friends, i went all quiet ofcourse). but sometimes its not about how long ive known them to be this talkative, its how comfortable i am with them..
skali aku ke huaho, then terjumpa my sister. slalu ni klw tjjumpa family member dkdai, aku masih jua tekajut. haha. heard someone called my name yg drumah (cik), i thought pendangaran. then there she was! hehe.
i think this week mengaaalihh. not sure if psal aku jalan2 ksana kmari atu saja kali ah. atau psal inda cukup tidur.. i was waiting fr the weekend "ah, ada jua masa berehat" -thats what i felt. havent felt that way fr quite sometimes-
lately, klw kna bawa bjalan, atau kna invite anywhere, aku inda decline. i think bcause i can only imagine not having time fr all this. if i were in the militry school now, i'd be dying to wish that i had time to meet my friends, to be with my family, to attend their invitations. so while i have this mucccch time, i make time fr myself and everyone. just the way some busy people make time fr me. lagi th drg busy, aku yg free ani lagi th sanang. its the same process like "if you know u'd die tmrrow, how will u spend ur last days" - "if i know i wont be having this much time and freedom in the future, how will i want to spend my time" (tpi indalah to its maximum benefits tu ah, nganya jua bjln2 and mengaga jemputan and doing favour fr family:p)
monday will be another 6am-s week. aghh. first week excited and committed lah ku kali ah, second week and after, im not very sure:p
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