got my friend along

tajuk sebenar: kawin.... soulmate....

ah. it felt like a long day, but no.. it wasnt really. i just... talked so much, it was like experiencing a lot (just from the conversations and whatever i observed today).

went to stadium at 6am. err, 6.02am. saw the kids were already there. but couldnt see coach's car. rupanya bnar, ia keahiran juaa.. hehe.. i invited my friend along to the morning session.. kmi sama2 under the same ministry, but she's here fr her "holiday" slash thesis research, so sbnrnya she does not go under any program at the moment..

it was more fun today, had my close friend with me and the activity was "bearable", "tolerable" -okaay lah- by 7am, ada tia member of the regular fitness group came, sorang saja ya ni.. i talked to him for a bit, then my friend and him introduced themselves to each other..

by then the kids activity was almost done.. and the member was talking to coach.. my friend and i sibuk begambar and sipping water when suddenly coach called out my name; "u go with him, 7k, but walking". i was surprised.. i thought im done and i can go back? huuu. tpi psal ia walking saja, i agreed without protest. but i dragged my friend along (awkward ku karang mun bjalan 7km sama that guy.. haha.. inda plg, he is married, and in his 30-s. and cali and open and selamba and a bit crazy. should be okay. but entah lah. i think its just bcause aku inda prnah bjalan/belari bedua sama ia and.. bcause of his "open-mindedness" is sometimes a bit too much kali, yatah aku ada hesitation klw kn bdua saja atu. hehe)

spent the walk beceriittaaa saja. i got a little more talkative than usual psal ia jnis selamba ah and somehow i was comfortable having my friend along,so i acted a bit "kurang sopan" lah, he has a good job position and could be regarded as a boss, most people in his position slalunya want to be treated like a boss, like a somebody "im-better-than-you-are", jadinya klw ia atu bprangai mcm dorang2 atu, kepisaan ku tu treating him like that ah. i will be flashed with that look "watch your boundary kid". ah but then again, how i act is dependent upon how you act. klw urg selamba, selamba ku jua (tpi inda smua, just those i can get comfortable with. and i dont know what actually makes me comfortable. it just either happens or not. kdg sndirinya comfortable, kdg i became too quiet. entah lh)

we talked about many things. and i cant believe that we talked about..... marriage, and soulmate (if i put the term correctly?) and the complicated things in between marriage, soulmate and all that.. talking about boyfriend/soulmate/marriage is not something that im comfortable with, especially with a man. with a man i barely know, facetoface.. with a man that i have nothing to do with (klw bcakap sama boyfriend atau someone who means a lot to us, normal lah tu).. some of those that we talked about began when he asked me if i ever had a boyfriend (kamon, kawan bni2ku lgi jarang2 btnya ni), and bcause i have a funny answer to that, i dont really like to answer people to that question unless i can explain the details. mula2, i didnt want to answer him.. i said "inda bleh bagitau" but pressure after pressure (jauh jua 7km ani), i finally told him. (though i dont think i told him my full story, my full answer. i dont think he gets it jua). and... i told him whatever it is that ive always believed in "i havent found the one. that one person that im willing to fight for no matter what and he'd do the same for me. that one person i have an amazing chemistry with. that one person... i believe when i meet him, i'll know" [but there are days that im doubting this. what if im totally wrong? what if its not like that? what happens if i try do it differently and just for one time forget this, forget whatever i think i believe in? sometimes its like that.. klw tani stuck with an idea, try to get out of it, do the opposite, will come up with a brilliant result..]

ofcourse he commented a lot in that. and becerita lagi pasal my friend's answer.. and her boyfriend. when we almost abis bjalan, he said "lapas ani minum kamu?makan sandwich apa?sarapan bh" naah mbawa mkan tia tu. heheh. rezekii :p and im okay with that bcause ive got my friend along. skali he told me that he got friends who have similar view with me psal "soulmate" ani.. i just went awuawuawu.. but when he told me that kwan2nya atu BINI2, almost 40yrs old.. i then snapped "kitaaa kan menakutkaan aakuuu!" hahaha. bnar eh, gagarku kdg2nya, but told him "whats the point klw nganya psal aku pressured urg lain sudah bedangan and then aku cari boyfriend and be with the wrong person?" he went on lagi bcerita psal kwannya lelaki yg single.. "yatah.. aku ani kn menjodohkan, tpi ia ani kmarin ke russia tia jua" i was likeee whaaaat.... jodohkan sama aku kali..... i replied "apaeh.. jgn cmatu bh. heheh" he explained "bh bnar jua tu, ko mau blablabla cani cani kan. ia pun sama jua tu. blablabla" and i retreated... "heheh jgn catu ih.. tunggu th aku tua sdikit, baruth ku minta urg mncarikan aku jodoh KALI".. he finally said "tapi soalannya, adakah hatimu tebuka utk laki2" i almost screamed "YES OFCOURSE" to that. jua lagi ada hati arah bini2! wlwpun th ku skulah bni2 for 7years. haha. but what struck me was.. "...and adakah hatimu tebuka kan becinta masa ani?" ah. i dont know. i said i dont know.. am i having that closed heart? am i building some very very huge and tall walls around me? have i always been this way? but why? if yes, bukaaa lah, bukaa.. try do that.. haha.. ah man, what kind of conversation was that.. payahku sikit kn mereply.. hehehe.. and since when i do conversations like this with a... 'workmate'.. (workout mate to be exact).. klw biasanya aku, that is supposed to be kawan2 punya conversation. hmmph. but so what.. so what right?

(and that was like... only half of our conversation.. emm.. )

like how i met these "instant friends" since the past 4months, i think meeting "the one" would be something like this.. not planned, not expected, this "the one" will just come along.. and we both will know, will click, will be together (or so i imagined. im just saying, "kana carikan jodoh" like he suggested doesnt feel right. or at least, doesnt feel right YET. but then again, who knows? ah. hopefully, i'll get whatever whoever it is im looking for. and we both will find our ways to each other. amin. ESSEH. Allahua'lam apa yg terbaik utk hambaNya.. hehe..)

lapas atu, balik ku.... ambil anak buahku skulah.. antar drg skulah...

since kmarin, mubailku inda detect 3g internet service arah area rumah abgku ani. i almost lost without internet. haha. (ah biasa jua tu, jgn kn internet, apa saja lah.. we got lost without the things that we used to living with. klw dari dlu aku inda biasa beinternet, then i'll be fine without it. klw dari dulu tani nd pernah knal dadah, we'll always be fine without it. tpi klw tani skali merasa dadah, high chance that it'll be hard to live without it. jadi jauhi dadah. ah ha ha)

ani baik th wireless. yahuuu.

ah what a day. esok i dont know what i'll be doing. awal dtg lagi kah, sama the kids lagi kah, or how? what? karang saya betanya boss.

bh alrite..