parts of me..

lately i came to training and office feeling demotivated or feeling something else.. feeling reluctant? bad mood? ah pokoknya aku malas lah.. entah sejak bila kah.. sejak ku sakit blakang aritu? (but now baik sudah.. heheh.. alhamdulillah), sejak ku selesma?, sejak i found out my running shucckks? sejak aku malar on and off sorang diri? sejak ku start attachment smula? hantaaah. :p

today i came to the gym feeling the same - malas, barat, not excited.. plus a slight headache i think (or was it just my imagination, psal msani ilang dh ya).. maybe i went quiet or marung or staring at spaces, maybe i seemed lost.. i dont know which one made coach realised i was different.. haha.. (well maybe the combination of all those)

so he said "hey, what happened today? no mood?" somehow i was surprised that i was being obvious. surprised that he actually realised that i was... different. things that sometimes even regular (to close) friends missed seeing..

thought to myself, so what am i usually like, how do i usually act around them, am i being that transparent? does it become so easy to read me?

spend two months (everyday - well, 5 days a week) with some strangers on things that u share ur struggle with, ur pain with, where they see ur weaknesses and strengths (and as well as ur foolish-stupid parts), you will bond with them so easily.. you will act like urself so easily.. so easy to feel comfortable.. but maybe it depends on orang2nya jua lah..

we once had some tembak menembak conversation, where he said i will do good just like other people who came from zero to hero.. so i said "no.. you cant compare me with others. theyre different, i am different" he smiled, and said "ofcourse, character different lah" eh.. character plg ni? i was talking about physical (dis)abilities.. heheh.. at that point, i was curious. so he has this mindset about my character.. tempted to ask "what is my character then? is it good, is it bad" but that wasnt our topic. we had something more important to talk about. so it died just like that. hmm should have asked. heheh

me and the other woman saja training arini. ah the group on and off.. boring eh, mkin sikit org. we went makan today (ha ha).. i should have said when asked where or what i wanted to eat "bah we go to empire" :p

yatah tadi, grinning, i asked him "how much do you make every month?" we all laughed at that. its kind of inda sopan klw betanya benda2 catu.. haha.. i wasnt serious. my direct questions are usually not serious, i dont usually mean them.. if i mean what i want to say (in things like that. in questions that usually surprise people), nda plgku brani betanya bnr2 tu.. hehe.. or maybe its just a sign that i dont care whatever impression they have on me -for the bad, fr the good me- i like who i am when i am around them :) .. (mostly, not all, ofcourse not all of me that i like, ofcourse there are parts of me that are still hiding or are still pretending.. ofcourse they dont bring out ONLY the best parts of me, they dig out the worse version of me at some matters - which is not good.. hmmpph)

ah anyway, he answered.... "two things u cannot ask" ... "one, cannot ask man how much their gaji.. two, cannot ask woman their age"

awuuu awuuuu. haha.

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skalinya knapa becerita? :p

because some day, i am gonna remember these days, remember that these people at one point in my life made my days brighter, made some impacts in my life, helped me in a lot of things.. and i.. will want to know, to remember how i really (felt) those days.. --> hence, i write this kind of post.. ececeh :)