i.. will be.

tadi... rasa2nya kan ku buang plg laptop ani... :s

luan berakal bh.. meruah2.. its hard to be reminded of every little thing u did together, of every little thing u said to each other.. if u have a sister and she is your bestfriend, then... i think u have an idea what it might feel like..

no one's gonna love me the way she did. no one's gonna get me the way she did.. no one's gonna talk to me the way we talked to each other.. no one's gonna laugh at my jokes the way she did.. and no one's jokes gonna make me laugh like hers did..

no one's gonna make fun of me and make me laugh at it, the way we did to each other..

no one's gonna listen to my silence and make me feel better the way she could.. no one's gonna make me run to them and pour my heart out, no one's gonna run to me and let me know how much i meant to them.. no one's gonna be there for me the way she did..

she.. taught me a lot.. she made me the way i am - the huge huge good parts of me.. and.. she.. kept the humane parts of me alive.. among many other beautiful things that words would do injustice..

i love you, always have.. always will.. and i'll keep telling you that through my prayers..

as hard as it is to be reminded of.. her, it'll hurt more when i start to forget her.. when the vivid memories fade away little by little and there is no new memory to replace or to revive the old ones.. in any way, it hurts.

but i'll be fine.. i will try to be.. u know i will be. u will have to trust me on that because i will have to trust myself too.

(agh. kenapa mesti ada homework? i now have less than 2 days to buat. tapi aku malas! im gonna go eat something, have a good shower and.. sleep)

dont worry, just.. let me be. let me do what i do. i still can think straight. but i need... i dont know what i need, maybe time.. so... let me be..

eh, u know i always thought people saying 'takziah' is like, apakan macam rude or something.. well, i felt that way masa my mother passed away... but udahku basar2 cemani ani, let me tell you that those words (not exactly a single word of takziah ah, but prayers and people show that they care for you, telling you to be strong and especially those people u know might understand what u feel), those words.. those kind gestures gave u comfort.. thank you. although, i'll have to say different people give different kind of comforts lah.. some reached you more than others, some touched you more than others, some made u cry harder than others (in a good way, because you know they genuinely feel for you). anyway, all in all.. thank you for all the kind words, kind ears, kind gestures, kind empathy (not thankful for sympathy but empathy). aah although sometimes u feel guilty lah when people care that much for you.. especially my family.. hehehe.. but awu bah, thank you :')