he he he

attractive kali time aku cmani ani ah...

daaaymm, i think guys think the fragile sides of girls are attractive. *(:p) plus cheeky smile.*

i should have gone for that long time ago! haa haa. i heard and i believed. but believing and seeing are two different things. ahai

they... feel like they have to protect you.. cure you.. be the shoulders you can cry on.. and most of all, the fragility you show them make them feel.... theyre special to you. somehow they feel like you let them in and SEE you.. oh noyceee! let me take advantage of this. haa haa.

[theory okay, theory]

or maybe, its just they really feel for you.. they understand you.. because.. theyre such beautiful human beings.. :)

or.. its just now there is a reason to care..

or.. people have always cared, sikarang baru nampak kaa? sikarang baru rasaa kaa?

caring takes strength, and strength needs panadol. (iklan tibi aussie:p)

some people (now, ani not necessarily a male, okaaaay.. hehee) might say, "oh. she is not a cyborg? she can... FEEL?" adaa macam atu bunyi2nya kah? haa.

some might say, "is she okay? is she pretending to be tough, is she faking a smile?"

some might say, "she is still a cyborg"

some might say, "she is a girl. a girl who has a heart. a heart that loves, a heart that cries"

some.. eventhough they feel for me, they dont know what to do, theyre... afraid of my fragility...

some.. just watch from a distance... and they might be the most understanding and empathatic people, they too know it well how it feels like.. but it'll be weird to suddenly show that they care..

some.. just watch from a distance... pasalnya curious (kan cakap menyibuk, inda juaku smpai ati.. ah ha ha)

and some, dont really care.

those who dont care, who misunderstand.. i dont care. so what.. those who SEE me, see me. im always thankful for that. those who dont, dont. its enough for me to have some people who truly see me and still love me for whatever i am. (or so i think, but at least its enough fr me to think that way lah. ha ha)

some said to me, go and find a man.. (and thats a good suggestion, too:p) but... i dont have enough pieces of heart right now to be able to love a... man. and my heart doesnt have enough space to be able to receive that kind of love at the mo. most importantly, i am afraid, if i go find someone now.. its because i need him to fix me.. and its not fair for him. not fair for me, too. im afraid that i will take from him without giving.. as for now, my heart is just big enough to love those people who are there beside me, those who have always been there.. those who seem far but near, those on the sidelines but care.. those i care for.. those, i have loved the way i have. no more, no less.

i will.. i will meet my soulmate. and if i have met him, i hope to be able to see that in us. and i'll keep praying for that. not just a man, not just a husband but a soulmate.. amin ya Allah.. :)

im not sure if what happened to me recently will have the same effect as it did many years ago.. but as of now, from what i could remember... its... kind of.. different... indaku tau lah a month later i'd shut myself down.. unable to talk about this.. and just bury things inside... not wanting to be reminded of anything.. i dont know.. i'll just go with the flow.. and... i believe in Allah's fate :)