:'(

i miss home. home as in home Brunei. not the unknown-lost-home-feeling in me.

i dont know how home Brunei would make me feel better. i dont know.. for it might be so much less of a home to me now. but i feel like i might feel better just by having them around.. and just by seeing the kids run to me, run around.. just by hearing them playing with each other.. just by.. having all of them around. inda plgku mau tidur di bilik. indaku mau jua the late nights where the house would be so sunyi and i'd be alone and i'd miss her so bad..  :(

but i am falling apart. sometimes i feel okay and i seem okay. i laugh. i live like normally. i didnt miss anything, except occasional pelupa yg tiba2 mnjadi2.. (bayar sewa rumah pun langsung inda ingat. nasib housemate reminded me).. but other than that and normal stress from assignments.. i seem okay..

but thats the problem: i seem okay. i dont think i realise how shattered i was, how shatter i am. but recently, it had been proven through this something. and it just left me questioning myself: i am falling apart that.. bad? or really, its just an excuse? but some people seem to think its not an excuse..

maybe i feel so alone now and its all coming back, i.. then know how sad and stressful i feel..?

i dont know.. perhaps its my ability to block feelings or its the fact that i am slow to realise how i really feel.. or.. its just the voice that i put into my head: this is nothing and i will be okay? that i am okay?

no, im not okay :(

and i just want this to be over. i hate uni. i hate this place. forget i ever came here.

i want to.. hibernate.