as we grow older, we get wiser, our priorities changed. i was scared. i know. because im not built for it. but adding the pain to that, my priorities changed. when i came back home last year, i got very close with my nephew. the children generally. that one nephew specifically. i spent too much time at home. with him. watching them. when my brother once said: "im lucky i dont work far from home. and its only half day (psal ia guru agama). i dont have to waste my time driving. and i can spend enough time at home, with them children, wife" - it actually brought me to tears!! haha. because i imagined what my life would be... could be.. i signed up for a... hard life.
those months, all i wanted was.. one day to be a good mother. a good wife.. who is always for them.
at the beginning, my regrets were more to the fact that i was scared because i thought i wasnt fit enough. but those days, its because my priorities had changed. and the combined reasons, i just wanted to run awaaaay.
but i settled. now trying to have my peace of mind. slowly slowly.. until the time comes. and i am but an open arms. haha.
had takbir gathering last nite. and raya gathering today. also, my neighbour bagi kek middle east. sweet dorang ani eh. drg ani iranian.
i think im.. still holding into my past. haha. keep looking back at how things used to be... how.. happIER i was. (as in fun life, life main2. hehe).. and thus, i could be blinded by that, not being able to see whats NOW and infront..
and i miss the children at home.. :')
sekarang saya sungguh sleepy. im not even half way through my assgn. review balum baca. i have to finish a good essay draft, a solid draft ni before monday siang. but im gonna sleep duluuu lah.. see my paper yg calii ini:
taa. i go sleep.
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