tea and fame

whats in for HI tea.. lawa lah sikit, tapi nyaman atu.. hmm biasa2 jeee. hi tea tia krg.. woke up at ptg (heheheh), then bekumpal lagi dlm selimut.. and this is my first meal. woooh.

u remember me saying.. i am silently hoping my essay will get published (if its good enough); so that i can touch a heart and the world with the slightest bit of me, of my heart.. i.e. change the world HA~ HA..~ yatah, inda kamu rasa cali kah tu? because its kinda contradict with...... with..... this blog? no one knows my blog (only close friends, and friends of my friends, and those people i relate to.. and accidental hits).. if i wanna touch the hearts... i should start from here, right? write good stuff, very good stuff, tell the world and be famous. and so, change the world! inda? haaha. malasku ingau. if thats the case, i'll be self-conscious. i will lose my little own space, my little kind of home.. my lubuk rahsia... :p i'll lose the freedom that i feel. the share of joy, fun, laugh, tears, up, down that i have here somewhere. lose the fun of standing in the fine line between being called an idiot and a smart ass. hahah. im not saying i wanna keep her (my blog is a she) as my little secret. no. its meant to be read. and i want it to be read. but not in thaat "large scale" kind of audience. hahah. i think, if i get to do that, be famous and good.. i will write less and less from the heart.. be scripted.. staged.. write to impress.. its not gonna be fun.. i'll feel obliged..  (plus i think im not the type of person who is good at being "famous", because i think i cant handle that.. because then i'll wrap myself in even thicker layers, and analyse things too much, i'll try to impress too much.. and afraid to do a little mistake, afraid of failing, afraid of crtics.. i think?)

jadinya.. hehehe. :p

therefore.. i can conclude that.... maybe i dont want it bad enough, to "change the world" thing. hahah. maybe yes, if "accidentally". maybe yes if "formally". maybe yes if i am forced to do it. hmmmph. bcakap sungguh idealistic. dreamnya sungguh ke bulan. tapi kurang action, kurang realistic. laugh. :p

aah im excited fr tmorrow! adaalaaah. ;p klw menjadi, baru boleh caaakaap~ :p krg inda mnjadi, kciwaa ako. im going somewhere tmrw. inda pernah ke sana. boring mikirkan transport/routes/how to go ke new places ani bnrnya. kaan? but inda mencuba, inda kan pndai tau tuuu nuuu..

baaah.