5.. 6.. years ago..

....

some people just penetrate into your memory easily. and stay there vividly. you remember them. you remember how you feel about them. you remember how you feel in different time, different day, different moment when you and them are both in those.

i can say a lot about vivid memories i have. i can say a lot about people who make those memories alive. and i can never thank them enough. i said, we dont love people equally. as much as we want to, we just dont...

a lot of people made me who i am. affected me on how i see life. taught me different different things.. meant a lot to me.. and a lot of others just passed me by, brought joy.. tears.. smiles.. hopes.. fears.. and all the other small small little things.. or just, passed me by.. whom i might remember, whom i might not..

one of my teachers back in pra-uni triggered a lot of my memories! ive never been good at maths.. and yet he is one of those people that i can easily like and be comfortable with. he is one of those people who'll stay in my memory vividly. he is one of those people i seem able to say and act like anything and be just the way i am. not more than teacher-student boundary ofcourse! i kinda miss him. i saw him getting old.. and enjoying retirement. but i am sure he misses teaching. i hope to meet him when i get back, or maybe some other cigu yg terkesan di jiwa. hehe. oh i name my blogger author after him anyway. after the name he used to call me, dibdib. but other people pun call me dib jua bh. but a single dib. hehe.

i wonder how certain people can stay that vivid in our memories.. and especially, how some people can make us "open up" and act just the way we are? emm.. maybe its just transparency.. the way we can easily read them and somehow there is just chemistry. they dont pretend to act nice and treat you.. nicely (aah cant find other word of 'nice'. haha) they just treat you... honestly. say things they want to say. see through you.. you feel like they know who you are.. more importantly, they just act the way they want to.. sukatinya sja, in a way showing who they really are or somehow showing their 'flaws'.. and they dont judge you.. even if they are, you dont feel judged.. and so.. you, you just act the same, honestly, freely....

and this guru.. he'd tell straight on my face how "bright" i am at maths. he'd give up at my super kemaalasan mbuat homework. he'd turn blind eye on how much i liked to tease him and said all those antah apa.. (not blind eye lah, he'd repay all the teases back. he was just so good at that! impressed ku eh. haha) and with those, he'd still hope i-we'd score well. when i got a 'u' in my upper six paper, he smiled and told me how hopeless i was. said he thought i'd scored better. he did say its better to get me an extra class or tuition during parents meeting.. i looked directly into his face while he was saying those, and we'd share that tiny secret smile.. i dont know whats that really meant.. but it was the kind of 'sir, youre reporting my lack of skill in maths! but u know i wont do extra work. and i know u'll still forgive me' - i get his jokes, i think he get mine too. many days i got into the class late. and that one day, i thought it'd be just the same like the other days.. i apologised but he went quiet. i think that was the only day i felt guilty and kind of scared... but later, he went ho ho again. his mood turned okay. i was happy. and sorry. he was... okay.

this one thing, i reaaaallly cannot forget ni. i think i know where it started. and that time, he seemed to do one of his pay back times. there was this new teacher, mngajar maths.. he just graduated kali and under his 'supervision'. he looked like a student nyamu. muda. and he entered our class fr the first time... together with this guru lah.. awal2 atu, pkir th student baru, cigu panya. haha. and then....... after second time ia msuk, or was it only after the first time? i met this guru on my way out of simpang school.. and ia kn masuk keskulah. he stopped his car, buka cramin kritanya and said "hey.. that new boy likes you. he asked me about you" hah.. like "what?" tediam ku tarus eh.  maybe i said "ah?"and he just laughed. and ofcourse i was wondering the whole day if i heard right. nda calang2 penyayaannya ani. haha. didnt take me long to wonder what i heard or what he meant... that next math period, that new teacher masuk.. together with the guru.. and the guru masuk klas with his teasing smile, knocked the door briefly, happily.. looked at me.. and i was.. "what.. no" and time mbaca doa atu bh, he signalled me with his eyes and jari to the new teacher's direction.. i was so surprised that i choked or maybe laughed - not happily, but tekajut. u know,  mcm time bcakap and kana cut off cakap tani.. or time minum kana bawa beibun... aah exactly, yatah usulku tu. haha. i dont remember what happened next.. what stopped him from doing those things he did. but BUT guess what, i felt awkward whenever i was around that new teacher for the rest of my days in the school.. and maybe the weird feelings had been translated in my actions! that one, the guru owed me... -.- hahaha

when i finished school, there was this majlis for the celebration asgar thing.. organised by the school. that day he was one of the pengawas majlis. ofcourse i came with my family lah ah. and there he was, welcoming my brother ani.. they shook hands. and i was still standing there. apparently, they were like exchanging a BIG HI.. "i am please to meet you.... she is my brightt..... student" (with hands animation!) "especially bright in maths" then he looked at me and laughed!! i looked at him, too.. with.. warning eyes... and laughed. we were rushing msatu, so it was just a short intro. no time to explain or anything. poor my brother, didnt have any idea at all. i think my bro knew i was bad at math. but at that time, i bet he didnt get the idea of "our jokes".. he wouldnt think a teacher would 'joke' a 'sarcasm joke' about his student infront of a family member. haha. but naah, i really didnt/dont mind at all. there are many other vivid things in my mind.. but.. i am afraid you'll think of me weirdly... hahaha. nada dih, i believe you understand.. some people just penetrate into your life easily. no matter what kind of "relationship". so yes, i shouldnt be afraid of getting "misinterpreted"..

man, he is like... a math legend. started the career in brunei... since the year i was born? he is a teacher from generation to a generation.. he was brilliant. his method of math pun lain, i think.. (and yet i wonder why i was still bad at math! haha. naa, aku nda praktis and period mana cukup diskulah atu dlu.. :s) but to my credit, he said.. "if you were still in the school now, you'd score good grades in your A'level" - in math, he meant! haha. because the system kana tukar kn.. u now can choose between doing only a'level or both exams.. and and  the arabic exm punya format pun mcm alevel jua, u can do lower 6 syllabus and upper ali2.. so better chance to score.. i wanna believe he is right. that i'd score way much better if i do one exam.. but.. i know i'd still choose both exams..

aah. anyway. memories :') so.. yes, he is one of the many examples of my vivid memories :)