fireworks

is it wrong to feel happy where and when you're not supposed to be happy?
is it wrong to feel happy when someone else is not?

it feels wrong, but what we feel is what we feel.. we may have to hide it, but still.. we feel it.

is it wrong to feel like belong where it is not even your place to feel so..
is it wrong to feel like home when it is not even your place to feel so..

it feels wrong but what we feel is what we feel... and somehow what we feel confused us so many times.. confused us of who we really are...

ive been way too selfish for most of my life... many times, i think of only my happiness.. trying to figure out what happiness means for me.. and in doing so, i forgot to consider other's happiness... forgot and forgot and forgot... because in doing so, i might have hurt others.. my happiness could mean otherwise to them...

and many times, ive been running away... running away from burdens of emotions.. of.. responsibilities.. going fr what makes me feel easier and happier... and in doing so, i left others behind.. i should have gone the way where their happiness meets mine... be there with them during happy times, be there with them during sad times.. not running away from either.. no matter where my happiness lies..

enough.

oh here is 3 syawal 1432 already. hmm not bad raya here. haha. macam raya bnar eh, except its one day one house. first raya at boss's house.. second at an egyptian schoolmate (friend's friend).. tomorrow going to another boss's.. hehe. then one more invitation. see.. busy this week jua rupanya.. haha.. we're not planning to set any celebration fr open invitation though, if there is any, then i think it'd be among ourselves saja.. hehe. i think its a pretty good closure of my stay here.. of my last eid here.. went to learn their culture more.. :) and managed to set that appreciative instinct in me :p

aah i saw fireworks just now!! just outside my window. brabis. i was stunned. literally karau mliat eh. hahah. they were pretty, they were colourful. tapi masatu ku mkan, udah th makan, karau lagi. haha. so, i watched them with amazement and impressed deeply.. thinking to myself how pretty they are and how i didnt want to forget those and how near they are to my window.. when i managed to think of my camera, then i thought.. i didnt want to turn my eyes away.. just so i could remember them in vivid pictures.. remember them for a long long time.. :)

okeh then.. selamat hari raya again!