hello brother!

while struggling with my books last night.. i suddenly remember my brother.. and i miss him.. aah you know that, brain activities during exam is.. at its best? haha. all those memories come back, all those home-sickness, all those blues, and other feelings and things.. andangnya, macam2 tia. haha

anyway, back to the topic. i miss my brother. i have four brothers actually, but i missed the youngest big brother one.

there were times when he was the closest to me. i specifically missed those times when he was still single- not married and free-man-no-job. haha. and i was in my early teen ages.

i miss the times when he'd wake me up every sunday mornings, intruding my room, kicking me at the leg.. "wake up wake up. its dragon ball time. lets watch it together"

i miss the times when he'd ask me to go pick fruits from our many pokok buah buah with him.. and i would agree if only he would carry and push me on the wheel-barrow.. i would laugh all along the way.. we would eat the fruits under the trees and throw the unwanted parts on each other.. there was a lot of fun, a lot of laughters..

and for all i remember, at one point.. at one point of the hard times.. these kinds of moments were enough.. enough for a kid.. a kid who would just forget all that hurt.. all that could hurt..

i miss the times when we would fight for 'harvest moon' playstation game.. ridiculous right? haha. i thought he was even ridiculous during those times.. in my mind he was a grown up man (although when reaching the age of 19, of 20.. i didnt feel like a grown up myself).. but still, he was a man!! and a man dont play harvest moon. haha. i was upset but later excited, fighting and playing harvest moon together.. i named the character, he named the horse, the farm, the dog and he would do the farming and find the magics. i would tell him which girl character of the game to flirt with and make her the wife... he wouldnt even give me much chance to play on my own. kesian aku, i was a hostelite, u know.. got to touch playstation only in the weekend.. so, everytime he got a phone call from his girlfriend-now wife-, i would be so glad and happy to take over harvest moon.. then, i would leave home for hostel and school.. he would play all he wanted.. he did make the lead character married the girl i chose though :) and he played very well, i could never do nearly that good. and i was actually happy. happy that time, happy now with the memories.

when a school holiday term finished- the two weeks holiday or so.. he would always tease me that i would miss him.. and i would hide my teary eyes.. hoo yeah brother, why wouldnt i miss you?

and i remember one time.. it was a raining afternoon.. i was sleeping on the couch in the living room.. such a good weather for a good sleep.. and suddenly, he woke me up saying and saying "you got a phone call. wake up wake up".. as sleepy i was, my reflexes responded automatically.. i went for the phone.. picked it up "hello.. hello.." and all i heard was.. "tit.. tit.." oh man, i was fooled. haha. just like what i did to him many times. except that he took the revenge when i was sleeping! i was sleeping so deeply. i was mad, very mad at that time. but i went back to sleep. he laughed all his heart and apologised many times... you know brother, i would always forgive you.. :')

and then.. as we grew much older, he had to go for his life.. he started his career.. went out and far for a long long time.. we barely saw each other.. we talked less and less.. we barely even spent time together anymore.. its just, the time and commitment and circumstances did us apart.. i understand all that, because i already knew.. one way or another.. we will have our own ways someday.. and things wouldnt be the way they were.. it was sad, but it had to happen.. and i completely understand..

then he got married.. we became more apart then.. when he got back from the far and long long work.. he had to spend most of his times with his wife.. it was sad, but i knew things would change.. ive always known that life would be that way..

he got two sons now :) and we still barely saw each other.. not even once a year face to face these times.. because u see, when i got back home, he would be the one away.. and otherwise.. for all these years that im here.. only one summer holiday did i meet him.. kesian ah?

but i know, just like how i remember the way we were.. just like how he was in my mind.. and for who he will always be in my heart.. in my mind.. i know that he thinks of me the same way i picture him.. and i know how he, like the rest of them find it hard to believe that i am already a grown up now.. for all they remember is, i am their little kid.. :) **not fair not fair!! im not a kid anymore. haha :p tpi bnar wh.. mcm anak buahku, it took me time to adjust with them getting older and older..

oh well.

but.. forgive me, im not trying to give people the impression that i favour him more than the others. i have my moments also with the others. moments i treasure.. :)