testing (one)

okay, lets just spill whats on my mind. its kind of bothering me now. not all the time though. come and go.

everyday i picked up this thing. i tried doing the right one. or should i say, practice? but no, just.. getting the feel. trying which one is right..

but i actually end up disappointed and disturbed. question is, why do i let this bother me much? didnt i say this is just fr fun and im not gonna take it seriously? well... im surprised that i want a good result out of this, out of what i am doing. it's either one "perfectionist" attempt or i want it much.

so which one is it?

i know i want it, but i doubt adding the word "really". cos.. i just wanna hate this. its.. hard.. and (painful, u know?). disappointing me, really. discouraging me. aaah this is so frustrating.

know what i am talking about? yea, u will. i dont mean to be secretive or "coded"..

i just hope that i'll get through this. i will do good. and its going to be worth it. for whatever reasons.

well.... nothing is easy at first right?