dear summer 2010

pengakuan berani:

i think... im starting to like this summer here :)

i realised feeling this way since days ago, since this week i think.. but.. it wasnt strong enough to make me say it out loud kali. hehe.

the first week here was a struggle. u know it too, from reading my posts. i even cried.. because of anger, frustration, disappointment, sadness, well.. basically pressure. i said... "i'l never do this again!!"

the second week was still bitter... still trying to get used to the routine and the unbelievable tiredness... and i survived.. i began to feel the rhythm and i simply felt a lot lot lot better... getting better and maybe happier each day.. (despite feeling so drained out of energy)

third week, which is this week.. (aku itung dari awal july).. i am actually enjoying the summer.. emm.. i think so. maybe. its just.. it hit me.. nda lagi lama ku balik and this summer has been priceless so far, somehow..., thanks to the experience :) wlwpun mn dpacah2 nda jua byk antap experience ani.. but.. this is new to me and im liking it. im creating memories, something that will always remain different.. and.. personal.. memories i only share between two other friends.. memories that i only share between some people.. memories that i have within myself.. like they will draw some kind of line.. like they will always be... special.. :)

i realised some things too while im here. some things about me, about life, about others.. just.. things.. nothing too important, but im glad.. i may forget what i just realised or saw during these moments.. but now, i just wanna say that i am glad..

and it hit me, nda lagi batah balik but i havent learned enough.. i havent done enough.. i havent gained enough.. that makes me kind of sad too..

u know, so many times i believed the fact that we'll get used to something that actually feels different at the beginning? when people say "at first i couldnt imagine of getting thru those difficult times.. but now, i survived" -- "i couldnt imagine finishing my project but i did it" ..things like that.. and il say to myself "of course lh. thats how things work. thats how life tricks us. been there. i know that. we should have known that" and this time around, i didnt even tell that to myself, i didnt think i was gonna like even a little bit of the summer, no.. i dont even know what i was thinking.. all i had was the anger, disappointment, unhappiness, bitterness and pressure... it was one of the major down feelings i had.. (luan iski kali bh dlu atu kn spend summer sini, skali kekajutan.. pressure tarus:p)

not that i am saying that i know what i am gonna feel tomorrow about the summer, i dont even know if i will still like it tomorrow.. i just wanna say that i am happy now, that i like it now, and so were the past few days :) i just wanna say this while i am still feeling them... so that one day i'll remember saying these.. saying that i like this summer. that it makes me happy. that i think it is priceless. that i think the memories are special...

WELL, i hope, i pray that i will like this summer more. the days are going to be better. everything else will be simply great and i am going to be happier, in many many ways. amin ya Rabb


i know, it sounds cliche.. u hate something at the beginning but in the end, u love it. u will say how much u appreciate it bla bla bla.. just like the other few times i had been before.. except this time, i didnt see this coming.. didnt see myself liking this..


i am just... grateful, alhamdullilah :)