fortyTWO

fight or flight? fight or run?

i know i always run.. i know ive spent my whole life being ignorant. and selfish. and coward. ahah. ykn? awu kali~

someone just reflected myself, in his/her own way lh.. i can see myself quite clearly thru his/her words.. some simple lines, some actions.. and i could see flashes of past, flashes of me.. how i always missed chances, how i always preferred letting go something i neednt to.. how i lost the games i could win-if i put good effort trying. how i thought i was struggling.. but was just whining.. dan sekian2 yg byk lgi.. eh bnr jua tu, we always say.. i almost died struggling.. i tried my best.. tpi ykan? ykan? does our best only up to that? just that? do we define struggle correctly? if i see life with my two good eyes, wide open.. i know, i never really struggle. IF i thought i have, i had, that was just giving triple extra effort without even really struggling. i dont know. tpi... to think of it again, maybe there is struggle.. the minor one, inside. internal struggle. haha~ mna kmu tau.. aku pn nda tau =D eh bnrnya ukanku kn ckap psal ani. iatah bh yg struggle ani mcm si gandhi nyanta, lpas tu, mcm urg yg lngsung nda beusin tpi ia mau jua skulah jua.. yg nda beusin tpi ia start jua bisnes.. apa lgi? byk eh~ kita belum susah punnn.. byk lgi yg jarih. sooo stopppp complaining.. my ears bleed... hah. [utk aku lh jua]

anyway.. i love those people who can read me.. who can guess me correctly.. emm.. i love observent people and yg pndai read aku lh.. haha.. lalala~ and plus.. unpredictable. mysterious. eh nh, byk tia mlarat.. haaha

i should have taken the flight when i could... whats holding me?

what is it that always hold me back? huhu..

so so.. the flight.. i cant fall to the wrong lane, at the wrong place. at the wrong time. that would kill. im a coward, i know that..

the next time im moving.. no, dont tell me how to run.. dont tell me how to fly.. i wanna stay.. i wanna stay.. make me.. make me stay.. il fight.. with you.. il fight.. with you, with them.. with everything..

boh, aku siuk sendiri~ haha