zombehs in my head

aah i dont know. but i think the moment we started telling ourselves: "dont stress out. youre okay. youre not stressed" actually means we are stressed! at least bits of it....

tried to take in everything, blocking any negative feelings. but u know how it goes.. at some points it builds up and u begin to wonder.. "stress kah aku ani?" wuwuwu..

antah eh, brabut rasaku.. baru juaku balik prasahanku.. the mention of THE SCHOOL sadden me.. :(

anubah rupanya siuk ah kna driving kan ksana kmari ani? haha. ngaleh eh.. go here and there.. driving sja sudah consume energy, yg bleh mbawa kpd pnambahan stress.. hehehe.. and meeting new people is not fun.. sometimes people put on act to impress, we put on act to impres and.... yeah, mingling is not my strength. depends lah.. but.. but but lah..

anyway.. had to do sports in the mornings - i dont really complain on that [bcause those sports are my immediate needs and... i dont have much time to do it on my own now... this week pun sanang saja yg kna suruh, bcause im a beginner.. hehe..ngalihku but i'd rather do that than go to office or attend those taklimatsss (ngalihku ksana kmari hey)] then go to office, iatah mbaginya mngantuk. have to do my assignment lgi. and the library here (in our country woo) shuckkss. SIGH. some things need some changes. i talk talk but no action.. indakan aku yg buat changes ani kali...? bah how? ha ha.

a bit stressed maybe its bcause ive always been living a lazy life. a life where i am a free person - i do what i do when i wanna do it, and with my style..

and now... im gonna live for a lot others. not just me.. i mean, im gonna live more for others than for myself (NOT FUN)

but afterall, if i am meant to do this, then i meant to do this.. i.. always believe in reasons. maybe im needed there.. or maybe i need them..

last tues we did this sports arah this place ah.. bcause i am "trained" under that one same coach, i had to follow him around. he is a busy man. has to train ramai org.. and ia msani mentrain lah this group of people (people yakni boys of askars).. yg harunya, this time around aku sorang saja (last time with a bunch of friends) so aku sorang, sorang saja bini2 luan2.. inda plg mngapa, aku wah TTR nda pedah2.. (buang energyku saja kn ttr.. haha), theyre cool lah.. inda jua jahat bh bnarnya, but since aku sorang, i could be an easy target kan kna nyaya.. it happened last year (atu bkn ku sorang tu ah), inda plg tantu2 rasaku nah.. hehe.. apalah aku ini~

so that day was my second day with em.. skali dorang kna suruh blari ali2, aku ali2 lah.. theyre doing some marathon trainings.. aku ani kna suruh jalan-lari, jalan-lari masih ni stageku.. atu pun aku cheat on one hill.. haha.. eh so my story is, that time those guys kana suruh blari lah ah.. and the coach walked up and down the hills with me.. and then teclash th kmi with these boys, one of them was injured (andang udh injured bebungkus2 kakinya dari awal dh, ndaku tau dmna ia blurih), so the coach said, "join us".. skali kami jalan lah ni.. i thought he is just one of those guys lah.. but then dorang (he and coach) punya conversation ani laaain saja, sgala pingat aapa and those "blingbling" stuff. and some internal gossips.. and his way of bcakap mcm ada some kind of extra confidence in it.. so i thought to myself "who is he? must be somebody" - indakan ku tanya kali? eksen sja lah mcm nada.. hehe.. then ada orang greet ia with "tuan" -  so i thought, "oh a tuan".. after one lap of 3km hills, we separated, i was asked to join this two men tia (not boys, men. married men. haha).. psal now i had to run up the hills and turun jalan kaki tia.. skali one of these two men said "anu jua tu, one of the princes" aaah rupanya! hahaha. i know he was trained under the coach plg, my friends told me masa last year.. tpi i didnt know how he look like and all that. then when i was done with my lap, i looked at him again, eh awu ah.. his face atu mcm jenis2 muka DORANG2 atu.. heheh.. nah, galat th ku.. hehe.. didnt see the sign, i mean when he arrived, i saw his plates was customized but antah, i thought "eh bulih ah kritanya ani cani, urg samseng mana lagi kan ni?" hahaha. cool aku atu eh :p so.. that was it. that was the story.

today i was supposed to do my solo track, skalinya pagi ada tia taklimat (kacaaauuu), so kana suruh ganti ptg.. udah ptg, saw many many boys conquering padang, main bula and track jua kna pkai.. ah, retreated ku eh, indaku sanggup. haha. esok ku ganti lah, insyaAllah..

haaiya. mengalihku eh. met my "future school mates" already. the briefings and meetings though necessary, they actually frustrate me.. psal byk masaku beambil bah.. and then have to escape the morning sports.. nah ah, monday and tue ada urusan (the briefings, etc).. rabu maybe do the sport tgh hari indoor, kamis i cuti, specially for dyg pajil.. wahaha (insyaAllah mn approve), then fri gerenti ku kna suruh meround track lgi tu.. bila th ku jumpa prince? hahahah. nada dih. its just, i dont wanna skip the sports psal i'll have to ganti sendiri in the evenings (mngalihku nyamu) and doing it by myself inda bisai lah, bcause i'll cheat a lot.. tapi.. ah whatever lah.. antam sajaa laahh..

u must think that i like sports? INDA! i hate it. but im stuck with it... so.. i just live with whatever ive got to do (eh minus the adventurous ones ah, atu aku suka tia.. hehe)

baaaah bh. got to do my assignment. i am using sats to deal with loose ends (homeworks, maybe stuff to buy, etc etc) and socialize.. sunday, i wanna rest lah..

ah.. whatever happens, happens.....