kev..

what are you supposed to say when youre about to leave your loved ones and they kept telling you "dont go.."

puting it into a scene, if youre about to go for a long time, blayar lah ni.. and your kid (in my case anak buah) didnt want to let you go, jadi ekong saja ya because they somehow knew youre going to leave them (even in such a young age), and they kept on saying "sama2 naik kapal terbang?"

the last time i went back home, anak buahku kept on saying that "sama2 naik kapal terbang?" and if i was out of his sight atau let go off his hand fr a second, he cried. and when he said that, i didnt know what to say.. should i say yes, or no? i didnt want to lie, but i didnt want to break his heart too.. fr most of the time, i just stayed silent and sometimes, unconsciously, i nodded (which means i lied).. but forgive me, i was in a bad condition too.. i was so emotionally unstable.. and i think, my unstability caused me to both pour a lot of care for somebody else and at the same time, too weak to care.. it was inconsistent.. but still, given a normal condition, i would still be torn whether to lie or to break a lil kid's heart but in the end, i know for sure lying wouldnt be my choice..

i think you know the story from then on...

at the airport, when i was about to go into the departure room, i broke down, massively.. and my nephew was scolded (i remember) that time for trying to still get hold of me when i was in that bad condition (but what would a kid know? kesian plg.. hehehe.. tpi indaku jua brapa sadar diri.. huhu.. soli wo..) so.. i went into the airplane, put on a little drama.. and when i arrived in Melbourne (i havent told you this), i met a boy.. (boy, i think he was a teenager..)

mula2 kan.. i saw him and he was looking at me like some kind of 'recognition or interest' but i didnt care much, i was..... unstable. skali time kn cop passport, he was behind me.. mukanya mcm cina, and considering it was a local airline, i was assuming ia ani urg tani jua.. but time ambil beg, i lost him. udah scan beg (those who bawa mkanan ada tmpat scan yg khas kn tu..), menoleh th ku.. and i saw him.. he looked 'excited' to see me. i was even more convinced he was a local! i mean he was 'excited' in the way he shared that same feeling that it would be annoying beg kmi kna scan pkai KUYUK.. hahaha. its just what i thought lah.. looking at him, i felt like he knew what i felt about that scanning thing.. when all selesai, i picked a seat.. merenung2 handphone and facebook and blank spaces with my teary eyes... and there he was sitting in front of me.. and he said "excuse me, org brunei kah?" i wasnt surprised. i assumed he was. so finally he talked to me... i said yes blabla.. cerita sikit2... he was not a local apparently, he said "aku pilipin. tpi aku pndai cakap brunei" haha, that was his intro, i think. okay, so he was a filipino, went to brunei to spent hari raya with his girlfriend.. he had lived in brunei for... 12 years, mostly at school.. impressively spoke our language fluently.. and then he moved to NZ.. his parents live there.. so ertinya msatu he was on his way to NZ, via Melbourne.. i think ia ani anak some kind of embassador lah usulnya.. he asked me why i came back home.. couldnt really tell him, angap ku.. and at last i said "err family emergency?" that was when he straightaway looked into my eyes, i think trying to detect whether or not aku sedih? hehe.. he was silent then... emm.. then talked a bit about us... and.. i wasnt in the mood of having a long conversation... more importantly i was starving, so i left.. i said "aku naik atas ah"

him: "behapa? batah jua lgi flight ni"
me: "kadai jap"
him: nodded..
me: "whats your name?"
him: "kevin"
me: nodded

----- i left.

and now that i think of it, i might have been rude. didnt tell my name (he didnt ask. we talked about ourselves but we didnt give our names! haha) and i didnt invite him to go "kadai" with me.. but i was not in a good mood. and i kind of regretted not asking about NZ, otherwise, he could have been a good guide if i want to go there! haha.

just.. interesting how life rolls. you come across people, things, when u least expected them.. when u wished u didnt come across anything.. when u wished to be left alone..

*sure he had a girlfriend and i wasnt thinking of him as mengurat or anything. he made it clear too. but still, we could have been a good networking.. or at least, we could have spent the long hours with each other's company, learn from each other's stories perhaps..  :)

but nothing major. things happened for reasons. and i believed we came across each other just fr that little while for good.

okaaay. just wanna share that part of story i suddenly remember!

gonna spend the rest of 2012 sleeping! haha. berehat lah until im tired of berehat..