final mark, sem 1!

received the final mark!

3 distinctions, one credit!! alhamdulillah :)

im happy.

but.. ada but.. :s the problem is that, i was emm... pretty confident that i would get a distinction.. and i do get a distinction. but a slippery distinction, again, for this subject. for this mr. matalawa subject.. and somehow, somehow, in the deepest depth of me, (inda pyah deepest depth, luar2 sja ya rasa ani. haha), i... feel... disappointed. sigh. im grateful, yes. definitely. but knowing his personality, i doubt myself. he might have raised a mark for me. i might have gotten lower, but he is a nice lecturer, because i got so close, ia naikkan satu, maybe two. because i know he did that to my previous paper before..

and that also means, i didnt get a very good mark for my final papers. which i said, i wanted to get a high mark for them. because i felt happy writing them, put my heart into it. thought i'd fly high with the marks. be settled, and believe in me, fully. no more doubts. and now, im left questioning, what did i do wrong? what did he want exactly? (papers havent been returned).

and thats why i am still able to feel the disappointment besides the so-i-call quite impressive and good achievements for ME. (i got to be honest, i feel good about my results.. hehehe)

to think of it, i know ive got to score pretty high mark for the final papers to achieve a distinction for this subject. a sure 75, at least. got 75 for the first paper (25%), 70 for class participation (10%) and ?? for final papers (70%), seeing my average % so far would be around 72, 73.. that only means i need to get more than 75. perhaps i did get more than 75, perhaps just 75 and he amended my mark, raised one or two.. but i had expected to get at least 80..... dimanakah aku blurih confident and harapan yg semacam atu... indaku atu! maybe its just the sole fact, i put my heart into my writing fr the last papers... sobs. hopes and over confidence do kill. hahah

tapi basar hikmahnya eh, basar peringatan yg ku liat dari benda ani.. hehehe. u see, its a reminder that im not that capable, im not that good. reminder, i shouldnt be over confident, prasan, riak, sombong.. alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah ya Allah.. masih kna sayang... :') besar rahmatMu ya Allah, jgn butakan hatiku dari melihatMu.. amin amin..

and that also means, i gained some confidence, seeing i too, could get a distinction! while at the same time, knowing in full awareness that my distinction is not that strong.. that means, im in the position of half clever and half not.. hahah. i can fall anytime, get worse marks anytime, or climb and get better.. or just stay... and so, i still need to work hard, remember my weaknesses, find strength.. and yeah, not to feel too comfortable.. fear is a good energy, if you know how to take advantage of it :) and doa is a good strategy. hehe :)

(my av result: 76%, minimum distinction is 75)

ala kulli hal, alhamdulillah ya Allah.. alhamdulillah.. ive been given nikmat yg luas.. tersurat, tersirat.. terlihat, tersembunyi.. alhamdulillah..