your second day

it was your second day.. and someone said this to you: "kenapa liat saya? liat-liat saya tah pulang! liat-liat saya..." -quite a high pitch one, like in annoyance or anger, and in front of 10 or so other people; strangers! why? what did you do to deserve that? okay.. you were on your way hopping onto a bus, and then this man was sitting exactly on the opposite seat of the entrance. he was talking, saying something.. and you thought, for the slightest maybe, he possibly was becakap with you.. jadinya meliat kedia lah. and wlwpun kiranya nda pkir ia cakap sama tani.. well.. you were entering a bus, climbing like two big steps onto it and your eyes would possibly, automatically, be directed to him, his face. but unfortunately, he happened to catch you looking at him... and there you were.... slayed by his killing sharp (s)words. and di sana tah kau, macam damit rasanya, gugur jadi abu.... marah ada jua, sakit ati pun banyak jua. aah, malu inda kurang. but more importantly, you just dont think you deserve that! kau marah2 kenapa, inda jua ku sengaja kali....

haa. guess what? it happened to me. true story. haha. if i wasnt exposed to that kind of world, i would have had reacted differently. but i kept telling myself.. thats the kind of world i'll be living in. if i cant take that little thing, i cant take anything else in the future. them and their regime rules. "im better than you are, so shut up and swallow everything up" -that kind of world. that day, it was like i was stabbed at the heart. it hurt, it hurt brabis. but i had to swallow that, pretended like i was okay. pretended that i was treated FAIRLY. pretended to admit that i was wrong.. i even said "minta maaf xxxx" (emm.. maybe to shut him up:p)

i didnt feel okay. i was hurt. the pain was more like.. an anger. it wasnt fair. i didnt do enough fault to be treated that way. to be humiliated in front of other people... for what? for that little mistake? having my eyes directed to his direction, to his EXPENSIVE face? HA HA. funny. even if i did make a  mistake, i just dont think thats the right way to "punish" also known as "teach" also known as tagur others.. and i was not even one of them, YET. and ive been treated 10% like one. and atu baru introductory pain, i guess. baru sikit. but welcome to that world... i'll have to bear more.. and more. i sure dont like that kind of world.. but im stuck. haha

and i felt disturbed the whole day. faked a smile. buried the anger.. until i got back home. i went silent. so unusually silent. i didnt know what my sister asked, but she made me open up. told her my story and my feelings, how angry i was.. and hurt at the same time.. and... i cried. eventually, i cried! dududu. kasian. im just a girl. with a sensitive heart. hehe. but then, i felt a looottt better. the next day, shared the story with my friends. felt waaay much better. and the next days, i'd laughed to that. jadi peibunan tia. peibunan apa liat2 saya.. hehehe.. tapi..... pbaik ku jadikan peibunan.... ndaku lupa tu ah. ndaku lupa jua apa ku rasa that day!! haha. not that im planning to do some kind of revenge.. but i told myself, i wont treat others like that. a big NO. and certainly not in the way "im better than you are so shut up. i can do whatever i can". just because you feel like youre better than everyone else, u can point out others' flaws? or worse, belittle them? treat them like they dont deserve respect or or like their heart is smaller than yours??maybe in some course of life, i could possibly feel that and do the same.. i mean, human is a fragile forgetful creature.. but i hope i can be reminded of that and just be... humane. and try to be...... aah, humane. haha

and more importantly, it taught me how important it is to forgive and apologize..

"ya Allah, if i hurt others, give me the strength to apologize.. and if others hurt me, give me the strength to forgive.."