i wanna fly

just adding a post.. of moving towards "homesickness" - which is holding into memories-kind-of-feeling? haha. i think, my life in the months that I've returned to brunei did change some things in me.. having the different patterns of life from month to month, falling into a once disturbing routine that becomes a comfortable routine.. emm iya lah, those kinds of things...

so anyway, this is a "reminder" of what used to be:p as in, i used to be 'fitter', and in a whole picture, i used to be 'happier'.. hahaha.

that one fine day, we were running from kem to berakas beach. it was hot, the sand was heavy, we were extremely thirsty (undoubtedly dehydrated) but i was happy. it was fun. we reached the beach, and then we went to the kem again. and on my way back to the kem, i found this... if it is printed on a t-shirt, I'm sure will buy it. but be sure first to specify it as adibah hm. bulehsss? kihkih.

emm ah actually i wanted to say this (as what i posted on fb earlier, but i doubt people will understand what i was talking about). the last day we met the boss coach, he said this.. "we have trained you the best we could. i'll let you fly. now its up to you whether you'll fly and fly high or you'll fly and get shot" and as i said, i was more than determined not to get shot. i was so scared to go back to zero stamina again. it hurt. it was hard. it was depressing. i used to count the days. i used to have worries and expectations of what those mornings would be like.. and i won't forget that first day (without coach), i only managed to run one plus 3/4 rounds over a total of six rounds! and after a month when the training became harder (but i equally became more relaxed, somehow) 4 rounds track were only for warming up. warming up?? I'm impressed by the things that we could actually do, far more than what we thought we could. running fr 6 rounds track is easy IF timing isn't counted. but the timing kills. it hurts. and i haven't felt that "relieving" pain for a long time now.. I'm not sure if i can take it again.

I've ruined my two months hard work. I've been warned, don't ever start from zero again. but... I've torn myself apart during adjusting period. and now I'm still adjusting and trying to get my life back in place... but, i'll have to forgive myself no matter what.. haha.. and heal the injuries of getting shot myself..

and for the days that I'm going thru now.. i wish i were cool enough to live day by day, no worries, no expectations of what 'next' would be.. just breathing in the air, feeling the wind of my face...