my long story~ :p

i was excited to pack my books.. because i thought it'd be fun.. and more important, it'd be easy! but it turned out to make me.... a little reluctant, and sad.. looking at the academic books, the notes, the question papers.. oh, they refreshed my memory well! i looked at this book and remembered something, looked at the exam papers and smiled.. i remembered all the classes, the little-never-enough-effort i put, the difficulties, the joy and the pressure, all bah.. haha

and i remember, i never dreamed of coming here.. never.. when i really was able to study outside of the country, i was hesitant, wanted to study somewhere else because.. i dont know, just didnt have enough hati to be here i guess.. as i said, this was not my dream.. oh and i was scared psal hafalan quraan tu jua.. haha.. (astaghfirullah..) but then a lot of discussions and had enough advices from others and me myself weighed why i should choose here, so... i finally am here.

i didnt imagine life here would be the way it is.. 4 and a half years ago, i stumbled upon a picture of a senior studying here.. and i said, wah.. its different from what i thought.. thought egypt is all classic and u know left behind.. nada mall and all.. haha labih ah?

and now, bnar, yes there are different things about egypt.. there are some 'classical ways'.. the way the society live and act, the way things are dealt, the old systems (some, particularly in uni) or or more to being unsystematic.. brabis, look at the cars, the traffic .. look at the queues.. look at the way people respond on timing, the sleep pattern even.. haha.. but these all make egypt different, different and beautiful, somehow :) *tapi modern kali ah, kalah home.. hehe. ada mall basar by the way! :p

when i first came here.. i was scared of the uni academic.. it was surprising, the system, the chances of getting good results.. well i thought it was scary.. i even doubted my choice, bukan lagi doubt.. but close enough to regret... but... maybe we can use fear into all the positive things, make it what motivates us.. but i dont know, maybe its just luck, maybe its really the right way of using my fear, maybe its the prayers, the combination of all.. i went through my first year successfully, alhamdulillah. second year and after... the fear naik turun, and when turun... i sure was at some kind of peace but equally became super careless .. haha

anyway, with all the fear at the beginning and the super mixture of emotions after, i came to love this place, love the way life is here, love the beautiful places, the berkat, history, ilmu, agama of the place, love whatever i can learn from here.. love living my life here.. true i never dreamed of this, but all i feel for a long time now is how glad i am for being here.. how grateful i am.. and sometimes i would say to myself how come i didnt dream of this? how was it that i ever thought of regretting this? alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah for this opportunity.

i remember, when i was 7 yrs old.. or 8.. or 9.. when i was a child lah~ :p my brother was a student in one of the local arabic schools.. he said to me "doa kanak2 makbul.. so, pray what u want.. pray you will go and study in misr one day" - and i, much influenced by arabic school by what he said, included that in my prayer among other things, too... and maybe 12 years later, i really reached misr. i was amazed by kuasa Allah, seeing how my paths sudah tukar sana tukar sini, went to MD for a while and back again to the 6th form arabic school.. and as much as i hoped to but i didnt get the highest qualification/excellent result in upper six.. simply not the result that will bring me here, that will bring me any scholarship offer, no.. nothing based on history.. but we can create our own history, i guess.. there was this new scholarship offer for the school at that time, we were the first batch and the qualification wasnt based on the whole average grade but each subject grades.. i took the opportunity and here i am.. alhamdulillah. ive always thought this is one of the miracles in my life... whenever i am down, or shaken, i'll have to remember how grateful i am for this 'miracle' in the first place.. *oh not that i remember my prayer about misr for long long years until i was close to being here.. :)

anyway long story :)

but what i see is that, sesungguhnya tani hanya mampu merancang, Allah maha mengetahui apa yg terbaik untuk hambaNya.. :) we never knew, never expected the better plan in stock for us, Allah knows the best

i hope, however it turns out to be.. i'll stand strong, i'll keep on a firm faith, pray to Allah semoga selalu ditabahkan hati dalam menempuh dugaan & cabaran hidup, sentiasa dalam pegangan iman, dalam lindungan Allah.. amin.. sesungguhnya Allah lah sebaik baik perancang, sebaik baik penentu.