big big world

its a big world. i have people-strangers-phobialism (malas th ku kn mncari termnya yg lurus. but u know what.. i will google the term soon anyway. haha). today was just... quite a long day, tho its not as long as my first week of "summer" here, i mean i just feel better and i begin to feel okay with this whole thing, with this new routine. not that i am totally okay-yet, just... (bh awu, the word better is just right! :p). i feel better. i dont feel that gloomy and angry and bla bla bla that much anymore :)

thanks, aku sdikit tjangkit smangat urg atu~ :p to make full use of this opportunity. alang2 stay, why dont benefit from it all? right...?

i still have these doubts on this new class i am taking.. 'why am i doing this?' - 'can i make it' but then... the first step i should take is to go away from that kind of thought. well, just do it! whatever! now, i can see more out of this thing.... i begin to see the little things.. like learning many more along the way.. seeing more of this world, life.. observing more is the least of all this.. this may be out of my comfort zone.. of course it is not comforting, having doubts, having fears.. ive always hated doing something new.. ("something new" according to my list:p)

this morning.. i went there.. truth be told.. i was scared, i felt alone, small, lost... i looked around, i saw only strangers.. the many people made me feel squeezed and helpless, breathless.. (overku mndescribe. but yea, something like that). like, imagine stranded in a place where u know nothing and ure not even sure why ure doing what ure doing.

but then, that left me with no choice but to go on. (no, i believe there is always a choice. i just chose to go on. BRAVO. hahaah i often hear this word lately. haha). so to say, today was a new experience. hmm. most of the days lately offered me new refreshing challenging experience lh. sikit2 challenging sja~ bulih lh, down juaku. haha

in short, hari ini.. rasanya... mcm... "hari pertama masuk sekolah".. well, a little bit. where u know nothing (awu bh know a few things thats enough to make u feel lost), where u have to "make friends" to know things more, etc2.. where a "friend" offers u a ride home, where "friends" offer their names, their helping hands, where people are being friendly, where they even offer u to hang out with them.. well, in that different kind of environment, situation, i guess.. i will want to remember this :)

ive always liked the way their eyes light up when we talk to them (or they talk to me-us), the way they smile.. all in such ways of good iski-ness.. that translates friendliness, excitement, helpfulness, sincerity.. i mean, when i feel like they mean it.. it helps me not to feel that lost.. helps me to feel more accepted.. and... safe? i dont know.. good feelings :)

but then, not all are like that. there will always be people who look at us differently, coldly, sinis.. aah yg jahat2 atu lh... jahat.. huu..

its a big world, people dont always see us the way we wanted to be seen!

hello world~