which category are you in?

errrrr... i remember feeling so happy, so happy and so light- not-the-hey-world-i-am-in-love-feeling but happy, just happy. and i miss it. very. the feeling is just so.. serene. i feel so carefree. no worries. no pressure. no annoyance. nothing no good. ah-i-love-my-life-and-i-wish-this-life-goes-on-forever-and-even-better. happy-i-live-my-life-as-a-present-no-future-thinking-no-regret-and-i-am-so-impossibly-positive. happy-and-nothing-upsets-me. happy-and-everyone-loves-me-even-if-they-dont-i-dont-care-i-feel-loved-and-its-enough. happy-i-feel-home. sigh, what a feeling. why cant i have that everyday? hahahha.

im not sad or down or upset at the mo. just a bit unsettled. and i am not thattttt that happy either. but but im so very thankful fr what i am given. cukup. alhamdulillah. :)

so, i was browsing thru an old friend's profile/pics whatever. and i was just thinking.. how i love people differently.. sometimes, how easily i like and get along well with someone new, someone i click with at the very first "HI". and therefore, i love them more than those ive known fr thousand years. and how sometimes i love people fr diff reasons.. because i get along with them only in certain areas, or because theyre good listeners, because they care, because they appreciate me, because they make me laugh, because they would do anything and everything fr me, because i am the one they'd find if anything goes wrong, because they feel like im the antidote, because they look up upon me, because theyre always there fr me, because they help me so much, because we share the same things, because we are close, because we click in most things, because i can share everything with them, or because i cant live without them? the becauses... the different reasons. and i know, that i dont love people equally or even fairly. who loves equally and fairly? anyone? how i love people just because theyre my old friends.. or.. because theyre special somehow.. and i couldnt really find the reason.. because.. theyre just a part of me.. they meant a lot.. (really. i dont know why. theyre not even the closest nor the most important one to you. but they really feel like a part of you. like, whatever happens, u know u will always love them) ; to me, this usually happens to someone i shared a lot of things with, maybe old friends, someone i grow up with, someone i trust, or someone who changes my life or the way i think.. bla bla bla

how i love a few people because theyre true friends.. that fr sure il never frget them, that i love them dearly.. that il do everything and anything fr them.. but, there're still fat chances that we will have our own path in the future.. (mcm drg kawin, aku kawin. hahahha; that way, they might fall to the category above but a bit different. because this type of friend, u always spend time together and click in many things nganya have to go with different paths. that one above, u dont spend time together slalu. but this type might fall to category above kalau u dont talk often tia. have very diff life. get me? NDA PYAH)

and you know, how sometimes, we love people because theyre part of ur life at the time.. like, we are close with them because we are doing the same things at the same time.. because we share some common things at the time.. but not all the time.. maybe we'll have our diff paths years later.. its just, temporary.. some times later in our life, we might bump into each other and share good laughs.. maybe we'll send each other news occasionally.. but not in a way that we'l find them if anything goes wrong in our life.. not as a shoulder to cry on, not the one u know u will always love fr whatever happens

and... how i'l love someone fr all the combined different reasons.. fr the so many reasons.. fr the so many ways.. that i can not even put them into words.. and all i will say "i dont know, i love you. i just do. and whatever happens, i know i will always love you" when all i will say "its just the way u make me feel inside; the way u make me feel beautiful. special. in everything. the power u have to control over my strength, my weakness, my laughter, my tears.. and yet, all u bring is the best in me.. the way u make me proud to be MYSELF. the way u make me happy-as in HAPPY .the way i always want to make you feel the same way.." (banyak lh all i can say kuuu. haha)

and.. how that is one in a million.. like, very one in millionssss.

my family, all my friends, dearest friends, you out there who knows me, you out there whom i know, strangers-friend-to-be, this is for you. fr all of you :)

*because i believe in LOVE so much*

hahahahaha