one and a half star

now the blog is ok, good, good girl.

Aaaaawww i really wanna cry. Given any catalyst, id cry at this second. (shiii, i insert too much personal inner conflict lately. Tho the conflict doesnt reveal its name here, still.. Im kind of moaning! And i dnt like it. Bt why not, the blog understands me more than u do, thats how. Thats why)

oh i said i dnt really care bout raya celebration. It doesnt really fill my heart. Aah dnt get me wrong, i mean celebration as in brunei punya style. (foods, curtains, sofas, maniks, carbonattoo, days to weeks, etc.) bt then, ive missed raya here two times already.. I just.. Seem to frget the fun, the sound, the enthusiasm (?) it holds.. And.. Im lucky enough to be here now.. Apakn aku niiii.. I mean, i may not wanna have all the fun but i dnt wanna be exhausted and stressed either.  (I WANT TO HV THE ULTIMATE FUN AND BLAST, i jst wanna escape some routine, some kraja HA HA, some some and some, same goes in cairo jua bh- sescape some things)

Yes, im standing outside "the stress door". I dnt mean to be selfish or uncaring or any other bad stuff. I dnt want not to be "here".seriously! This is what i wanna do. What i gotta do. I have to and its the right thing.. I just dnt wanna be stress, exhausted, low and and hormonal.

..I wont hv the chance to do many things i wanna do. But.. Its ok.

I wannaa rest.. Rest like nothing, NOTHING to do and think at all, fr at least two days before i get back, bt how is that possible. Oh my, im so much like complaining here. The comparison would be, if i were to get any rewards fr whatever i do, nda jdi blurih. Dont deserve it. Wooo

excited to go back is one thing. Leaving, going is another. I dnt like adjusting to "new" environtment. Im used to have whats around me now, then change lgi. And going back means back to the dull house. Fixing this and that lgi kali. Bt anyhowwww i really wanna go back! :)