bored!

i am bored. so outrageously bored. (not sure if outrageous is the word) ahah I AM BORED!!! braaabisss. havent been feeling this bored for quite some time now. maybe since last Nov?? been busy. been stressed. been a little bored. but not this kind of bored. hellleep:p

ahirnya tekana th ku jua boredom aniii. aiiya. although next week i'll be occupied and tired, but thats next week! i have 3 more days to kill. and after next week, a few more days of winter break.. until school :( i know im bored, but i think i'd rather this bored than the.... stressful, awkward first days or many other days of school. (altho in the end, it is most likely super rewarding......)

even if take an hour of hot shower and another hour of cooking now, i'd still feel bored.. i think.. ohoho

Snow White and The Huntsman

if you're wondering if Snow White and the Huntsman is worth watching, then u have reached the right address. but if you hate spoilers, then ure stuck. boohoo haha

and if you accidentally hit my blog, from google. and you dont speak malay, then im sorry to say.. this is a mixed language of english and malay. ehe.

okay.. i dont know about rates, i think its maybe 6.5 or 7 over 10. and yes, it is a cinema worth watching! but there is always room for improvement. thats probably why i care to menyibuk... :p

ticked for the movie title! its obvious. so obvious. i mean "ticked" in the way, people would not be able to blame the title. it stays true with the content of story. but its just not working for me. no spices, no colour, no sweeties, just plainly obvious. its and THE HUNTSMAN, not and the William, not and the kingdom, not and the dwarfs. its sooo overly predictable:p aah, pebaik th aku, i would choose the Huntsman in a heartbeat. haha. William is handsome ofcourse, but.. less charisma. ahah. if the aim is to have a twist of snow white, then its almost successful. emm maybe i'd give 40 marks:p and the other 60 gone because more than half of the twist is so... obvious.

the ideal audience target would be.. 18-22yrs old teens. i think? :D

i dont think Kristen is a good choice to portray snow white. as described in the many books.. snow white is pure, snow white is innocent.. and i just couldnt feel it from kristen. i couldnt feel the purity, the innocence in the character! i dont think i missed it, its just not really there. thanks to the animals, they translated the act of "purity" and "innocence" that should have been there. pasal binatang2 atu besiul2 and the nature seems to love Snow white, then we get the innonce and purity thing from the act of those animals/nature. tapi i didnt see it in snow white herself.. kristen is a good actress but maybe not as the pure, full of heart snow white. oh, yes, thats a lot to compare with Snow white in Once Upon a Time.. although there are only just bits of her ive seen as snow white, but i got a lot from her. i felt a lot of feelings came out from the character. saw a lot in her. noticed the "full of heart" character in her....

this snow white and the huntsman, when the snow white was in prison and when she escaped the prison, my first thoughts were: how did she learn to do this, to do that? and and 'how did she learn so many words? how, who? she wasnt exposed to people talking, wasnt exposed to language?' aii, i forgot, she was imprisoned when she was maybe 8, 10 yrs old? and she is a princess, by then she would have learned to speak complicated languageS and ride a white horse. hahah. but cana tah jua, i cant give traffic to first thoughts eh? i cant control my first thoughts, what came, came. :p

one more thing that quite disturbed me (maybe many other things did poke me, hahah, but i guess i didnt care enough or i missed many more things). its when the snow white and her soldiers menyerang the castle.. skali ada urg mem"bom" and memanah dari atas fort atu kn tu.. and they just charged in.. kept going forward, without... things that i call as "plan" or "strategy".. macam asal2 menyerbu.. they didnt even do the "diamond" thing with their shields! protecting themselves from the arrows! mnada~ dorang marched on saaajaa. seemed to me, no good strategy. just a plain bravery. ahah. (watched Gladiator too much, too intense:p)

and i didnt really get the part where si evil queen was kidnapped when she was a kid. and how it is related to the real queen's (mama snow white) three blood drops.. maybe i missed it. didnt really catch it. al maklum nada subtitle. hahah. but im sure it was just a very brief explanation..

but all explanations accepted: afterall, its a fairytale story...... :p

bh okeh~ we tried a diff cinema today. i like this one better...

and.. im having sup tulang on the stove now, for soto... its gonna a longgg while before i go to sleep.. hehe. maybe i am meant to be a nocturnal:p sasak jiranku kali aku masak2 mid nite ani.. aa, sabar saja bang.. hih hih

silamat ikau~

morningeee

i woke up!! woke up early!! err.. earlier. haha. (tapi aku tebangun saaja, at 2am, at 4am.. it was like sleeping my "tidurku skajap eh, krg bngun lagi after 2, 3hrs". but i had to pajal tidur smula)

found this:

thats the "bench" i was talking about in previous post. kami pkai yg bwah skali lah. see, its a killer for a beginner! inda pyah beginner pun killer jua masih prasanku.. hehe

i went to kadai runcit tadi, and i thought okay jua bh the sajuk atu.. bleh jua dbwa jog tu.. (ceh. no, now i dont think so. i dont even want to feel that pain anymore!) payah ni payah. haha. inda apalah, first step.. bangun awal. then monitor my nutrition. then ramadhan (:p). then after that, i think its time to get serious. and i mean it. heheh

i'll go to wayang later today and bali daging!!

uh ah?

its 1030pm. and im gonna go to sleep... before 12am! ahaaax

theory

in theory, i cannot run an okay run anymore. because i havent jog for months now. sad. and now the weather is cold, its gonna hurt more. the nose, the chest. and my muscles are sleeping. to wake em up, its not gonna be an easy pain. haha. but i cant go back home without having my fitness ON and physically at least 50% ready. judging my personality, its likely im gonna do it last minute. judging from the other side of my personality, i might do it much earlier if i feel much of the pressure and fear..

i remember that one particular exercise we did during poc in Nov last year. that was my first day. and second for most of them (i skipped the first day psal ada field visit. aah yatah tu, the day i experienced "apa liat2 saya" haha. my second day at office and our first day of formal ex with the coach). so that day, we were asked to do this ex: yang naik turun bench atu.. naikkan kaki kanan, turun, then kaki kiri naik rh bench, turun and repeat.. with speed lah tu.. sangal and sasak napas nyamu, bukan randah bench atu... typical bench, wooden sport indoor bench punya height lah.. tempat audience duduk.. it was indoor and we did that after we did some light run (run-walk-run-walk. but we werent fit, ke leher jua ngalihnya by the end of that run-walk ex. aah before run-walk atu, kmi kna suruh round the indoor, jog with some movement. cali and bida plg usulnya. haha). okay, so the bench. we were timed for one minute awal2 atu. and bukan nganya one set ni ah. hehe. i dont know in which set, could be the first one. i felt so tired, kan tejeluak nganya inda rasanya.. but as i looked to my left and right, all the kaki continously turun naik ni.. none of them stopped even fr one cheat.. all my friends, they did it continously.. wow.. aku yg kan kan give up ani pun malu kan give up, galat.. "nada urg give up. inda kan aku yg first? inda kan aku sorang? krg coach ani marah?" as much as i wanted to kepisan or or throw up rasanya.. masih jua ku turun naik bench atu.....

then weeks after that, we became much fitter. we've done much complicated and difficult ex. we knew each other well, we knew each other's weaknesses and strength. we knew the coaches and the coaches knew us. and i started to cheat already. hahah. inda lagi malu klw kn give up:p indalah nyanyat give up ofkos. selected ones. hehe. and we reflected those first few days of ex among us:
me: "pisan wah masa mula2 ex ah. paling kpisan th bench atu!! sikit lagi tejelumpuk rasanya. kn give up ku sudah tu, skali liat kiri kanan, nada pn urg give up. kamu smua steady ah. nda stop ani wh. inda th ku jadi give up"
them: "tia krg!! kn give up kali ku ah. skali liat nada org give up. nda ku jadi"
them: "ada kali ku stop ah skajap. ku liat nada org stop, ku sambung th balik"
them: "haha brngkali inda ngam timing tani atu. time tani menoleh ngam sorang2 concentrate turun naik bench"

OH! rupanya. haha. i thought i was the only one yg kn pengsan. we all felt the same. but no one showed what they felt! haha. moral of the story: set ur mind like u set ur mind that first day. u'll just do it no matter how much u wanted to give up. hahah. aand that first day was the only bench day, lapas tu kana suruh buat that ex arh much randah thing tia, mcm arh steps of tangga and equivalent height lah. nasib jua. haha. aah sweet days :')

SO, in theory, again, it'll be good for me if i go to sleep now. (no, its good if i went to sleep 4 hours ago, at 10pm!!). and wake up early.. have a good day, good nutrition, good exercise and moreover, jalan2 siang wouldnt be a problem. yes? so, i'll try to sleep now, wake up early. tmrw sleep earlier... and the routine changes fr the better. (but im telling you, ive been planning to put my theory into practical since weeks ago! but mission is not yet successful. hahah)

plus, problem is i already tertidur dari pkul 9pm smpai 11pm tadi. haiiya. :p

anyway, on a different note, i cant help but feel the happiness for the Egyptians. on their new president. the place i can honestly call home, too. i pray Egypt will change fr the better. the best form it could ever be. mudahan Mesir dan rakyatnya sentiasa dalam lindungan Allah, semoga Mesir aman makmur di bawah pimpinan Islam.. amin.

aah, it just makes me miss egypt a little more now :')

tick-it

remember the trees.. because i will go there again in Spring or Summer.. to see what kind of flowers and leaves they grow... :)

so.. last fri we went to Aussie reality tv show live. haha. been watching that show on tv for two plus months now. then they had this show in Sydney (their show was based in MelB), so we grabbed the chance ke sana sementara cuti ani jua. hehe.

got the ticket fr just a half price :D survival instinct kicked in. haha, nada dih, teruah internet bnrnya fr the cheap price. we had a kind of "blind" meeting with someone at the train st, bought the cheap ticket from him. ari atu show, ari atu jua mbali tiket rhnya. hee. nothing was guaranteed. but i said, if we were 'chonged', then we have to back up our plan. go to the live show anyway, and buy the ticket there. if ada masih tiket.

and... got to ride the train! my first time! haha. barutah rasanya jadi tourist. hehehe.

unfortunately, i didnt get any sleep the night before. emm maybe less two hours. atupun mcm inda tidur rsanya. mun time tidur tbalik ani, pyah kn jln2 siang... soo went to the live show, met with the celebrities... they got so many kids fan rupanya and yes, adults. teen inda byk.. its actually show psal house renovation. they have to renovate these crappy houses in 10 weeks.. each week drg compete siapa buat the best room/house space. udah rumah atu siap, theyre going for auctions to sell it.

anyway, the live show.. my favourites werent there.. ada one of them, tpi sibuk ya! and the other one, his wife.. ptg baru dtg. we couldnt wait fr ptg... we were hungry and we didnt have enough sleep. then we went back to sydney and rushed fr the restaurant before its lunch hr ends (klw inda, we had to wait until 5-ish fr dinner hours!! mna sanggup:p) so yeah, we actually merantas two traffic jalan kaki.. timenya ijau lah. like we were 200m from the traffic light, and we saw car traffic turned orange.. then we knew ours would be green in 4 secs.. so we ran fast. takut inda sampat. krg merah tia, krg tutup tia restaurant. dude, we were starving. hahah. once we reached the restaurant, at the door, we hesitated... suddenly we thought "what if the people in the resT saw us running???" bari maluuuuu tu ahhh. hahah. but we went in anyway. laughing. and we sampat the lunch hour. skaalinya, inda jua tutup wh.. ada jua urg masuk masih time abis lunch hr atu (spatutnya closing hr sudah).

akibatnyaa --> aku dilanda mini migraine later on in my sleep!! haha. due to the lack of food and sleep combo. nasib minor sja, yg bleh baik dbwa mkan penadol. hehehe.

next: i wanna meet Delta, Nicole Kidman in person, mcm jumpa the reality tv stars in person. hahah. slim chance:p kan ke show The Voice pun inda ampittt. :p tiketnya abis ah. because it was fr free. baru open tiketnya atu fr booking, abis tia! klw kana jual pun, im sure it'll be capat abis. but i wanna meet that guy, the voice contestant and the runner up, Darren P. he's old, 40. but i like him!! hmm. aah i had my eye on x-factor show jua aritu, but its during my busy days... indaku sanggup. hehe. (see, saya masih sdikit rational? haha).

oh, and yesterday was my first cinema movie. heheh.. school was jahat, i didnt have enough time or space fr much entertainment. but its okay, i dont have that enough extra money anyway.. heheh.  watched Brave. katun. err.. biasa2 saaja critanya. iklannya sja super cute. huu

is the snow white one siuk? think im gonna go for it some time during the weekdays.. spaya inda rmai urg. hehe.

emm bh~

sleep and the dots

many things i wanted to write, start masa epic celebrity meetingku sudah hahah smpai arini epic movieku :p but i got tired.. clicked and reached the blog and then inda pun tejangkau.. haiiya

then i got new things in mind, inda th ku ada hawa kan mnaip psal previous things! not fair fr them, inda cukup feeling. hmm :p

(to be continued, i mahu mandi dan maybe makan dahulu) its 1.30AM!!

almost 3am now. sleepy th ku.... hmmph. didnt get enough sleep these two days. bnr th ya to be continued ni.. mun inda, titik2 nganya ku tetaip...

tea and fame

whats in for HI tea.. lawa lah sikit, tapi nyaman atu.. hmm biasa2 jeee. hi tea tia krg.. woke up at ptg (heheheh), then bekumpal lagi dlm selimut.. and this is my first meal. woooh.

u remember me saying.. i am silently hoping my essay will get published (if its good enough); so that i can touch a heart and the world with the slightest bit of me, of my heart.. i.e. change the world HA~ HA..~ yatah, inda kamu rasa cali kah tu? because its kinda contradict with...... with..... this blog? no one knows my blog (only close friends, and friends of my friends, and those people i relate to.. and accidental hits).. if i wanna touch the hearts... i should start from here, right? write good stuff, very good stuff, tell the world and be famous. and so, change the world! inda? haaha. malasku ingau. if thats the case, i'll be self-conscious. i will lose my little own space, my little kind of home.. my lubuk rahsia... :p i'll lose the freedom that i feel. the share of joy, fun, laugh, tears, up, down that i have here somewhere. lose the fun of standing in the fine line between being called an idiot and a smart ass. hahah. im not saying i wanna keep her (my blog is a she) as my little secret. no. its meant to be read. and i want it to be read. but not in thaat "large scale" kind of audience. hahah. i think, if i get to do that, be famous and good.. i will write less and less from the heart.. be scripted.. staged.. write to impress.. its not gonna be fun.. i'll feel obliged..  (plus i think im not the type of person who is good at being "famous", because i think i cant handle that.. because then i'll wrap myself in even thicker layers, and analyse things too much, i'll try to impress too much.. and afraid to do a little mistake, afraid of failing, afraid of crtics.. i think?)

jadinya.. hehehe. :p

therefore.. i can conclude that.... maybe i dont want it bad enough, to "change the world" thing. hahah. maybe yes, if "accidentally". maybe yes if "formally". maybe yes if i am forced to do it. hmmmph. bcakap sungguh idealistic. dreamnya sungguh ke bulan. tapi kurang action, kurang realistic. laugh. :p

aah im excited fr tmorrow! adaalaaah. ;p klw menjadi, baru boleh caaakaap~ :p krg inda mnjadi, kciwaa ako. im going somewhere tmrw. inda pernah ke sana. boring mikirkan transport/routes/how to go ke new places ani bnrnya. kaan? but inda mencuba, inda kan pndai tau tuuu nuuu..

baaah.

easy come easy go

aah i just realised my grammatical, spelling, word error arah assignment ku!! bukan ku baca ia lagi smula, aku teingat sajaaa. mcm exam wh, bila tani sadar salah jawab.. yatah rasaku ni awal ani. haha. my mistake was mistake yg bari malu.. careless.. tau lah ku aku ani bukan mother tongue english.... tapi maluku the carelessness atu.. mcm contohnya salah buat "accept" when we meant to write "except".. thats a dumb mistake for a serious, formal documents!! manasja th ya mun salah arh mana2, mun formal...... its going to give a bad bad impression.. (but i dont wanna tell whats my exact mistake. maluku... sasakku... :p hahah)

all i felt today, and the last few days or weeks.. its like, aku antam sja this assignment. effort longlai bannnarr.. antam sja, asal siap =( and thats not good. if i am judging based on the effort and time i invested on this assgn... i'd probably get a thin credit :( although a thin distinction is still a possibility, yakni... saya sungguh berharap.....

did i just let the easy distinction slip away? i kicked away the chance for an easy distinction.. i had time, a lot of time. and the assgn is pretty okay.. should get a distinction easily (not easily, but easier than some other subjects).. but i was just... losing it. losing that feeling to strive! is that because i am feeling 'safe' now? i had a few good marks and thats it?? sad. sungguh sad story. kasian bini2 ani. cigu yg subject ani jua baik bh usulnya.... and i am not feeling the pressure.... and class batah udh nada... and ketularan malas.... and... maybe i perform better in pressure! not immediate pressure one. but the kind of where i feel.. scared and lacking.. and the feeling like time is running out.

right now.. and dari tadi sudah.. dari hari atu jua.. i just feel... kosong from adrenaline. the rush to get it done beautifully. or the regret that i did not perform at my best. now i feel like 'baik th udah tu siap'. 'malasku check bnr2. asal siap' :s my bad.....

but i still hope to get good marks!! amin amin.

oh my snow white. hehehe

i is want that hair when i have to cut my hair short! i have had a series of short hair, and i liked them. although i liked one more than the other. but now, i just wanna leave my hair supper long, while i can....

i love this show Once Upon a Time. definitely my... type of crita. unexpected and cara pnyampaian yg bagus, mcm Lost. psal producer sama jua. hehe. itu di atas, she is Snow White. the modern version. yg zaman lama, rambut panjang. malam ini barulah saya begitu emosi menonton siri ini! cant wait for the next epi... i wish i can download it easily. hehehe

oooh snow white... cmanalah ia kn sama2 si prince charming ni. curious. but dont give me spoilers. I HATE SPOILERS.

love love love the series. the twist of childhood chacraters pun siuk. made me go like "siapa ni ah bnrnya katun ani?" ngeee.

bh. i have a due tmorrow!

her name is Louisa

its 10mins to 7am now. picture was taken at 630am. okay.. so tell my lecturer that ive been working hard on the case. knowing that, she might give me extra, better marks! hih hih sampai inda tidur ani wah! :p haha jan beibun~ krg mlm bnr th kali ku inda tidur sampaiiii ptg esuk, the due hour. 4pm. before 4pm.

mun dari ku bngun tdur tadi mbuat kraja, layak jua behabar:p emm yeah, used 2-3hrs during the day. and like half an hour at night. and started again at 2am. had a break at 3am.. more details? :p aah, mun dari 3minggu lapas ku hari2 mbuat kraja cmani, "inda betidur", layak jua kan behabar.. ah ha ha

had a peek outside tadi, wondering if i can have a good sight for sunrise.. this is what i could get. and i think balum lagi exactly sunrise plg at 630 ani.. alum abis waktu subuh:p but i wouldnt wait. sajuk.. and i'll go for a better view nanti. one step at a time babe~ hehehe.

its just.. i havent really watched or captured sunrise here.. and as i remember in cairo, i have that bipolar sleep. hehhe, tebalik. (tapi apakan bipolar ani bnrnya? hahaha). i'd sleep pagi. so i got to see many sunrises.. aah beautiful :) especially during summer lah, psal tabuk bebuka.. and we were on floor 9.. so, nampak lah langit pagi yg indah terbentang luas. eseh. but i wouldnt want to be going to cairo now, psal byk org komplen arh fb cairo time ani panas. hahah. and i know well how panas it is. bngun tdur, bepaluh.. rasa kan besiram tarus. tebangun dari tidur - pasal panas, bejalan ke esbok mnaguk aing sajuk.. mcm urg mngigau... paaanas. hehe. but its tolerable..

and its around this time last yr, i was done with school. abis exam and freedom!

aah  melarat lah aku punya cakap. kan tdur juaku ni. im having my tumpi breakfast by the way. with hot chocolate. i'd prefer tea in the morning, tpi tkutku nda tetidur. heheh. im 80% done with assgn. have to edit, but at least its not a very raw edit. and its still footnote-less. hehe. will have to catch up karang!

sleep tight!

three AM, again.

well i was telling myself: duduk diam-diam, jgn liat jam. buat saja kraja. sampai.... siap? nah ani sangal tia blakangku. its 3am now, nah mliat ku jam:p

okeh, one hr break! mesti siap ni, esuk (karang!) footnotes and editing sja. and thats a lot of work tu...

your second day

it was your second day.. and someone said this to you: "kenapa liat saya? liat-liat saya tah pulang! liat-liat saya..." -quite a high pitch one, like in annoyance or anger, and in front of 10 or so other people; strangers! why? what did you do to deserve that? okay.. you were on your way hopping onto a bus, and then this man was sitting exactly on the opposite seat of the entrance. he was talking, saying something.. and you thought, for the slightest maybe, he possibly was becakap with you.. jadinya meliat kedia lah. and wlwpun kiranya nda pkir ia cakap sama tani.. well.. you were entering a bus, climbing like two big steps onto it and your eyes would possibly, automatically, be directed to him, his face. but unfortunately, he happened to catch you looking at him... and there you were.... slayed by his killing sharp (s)words. and di sana tah kau, macam damit rasanya, gugur jadi abu.... marah ada jua, sakit ati pun banyak jua. aah, malu inda kurang. but more importantly, you just dont think you deserve that! kau marah2 kenapa, inda jua ku sengaja kali....

haa. guess what? it happened to me. true story. haha. if i wasnt exposed to that kind of world, i would have had reacted differently. but i kept telling myself.. thats the kind of world i'll be living in. if i cant take that little thing, i cant take anything else in the future. them and their regime rules. "im better than you are, so shut up and swallow everything up" -that kind of world. that day, it was like i was stabbed at the heart. it hurt, it hurt brabis. but i had to swallow that, pretended like i was okay. pretended that i was treated FAIRLY. pretended to admit that i was wrong.. i even said "minta maaf xxxx" (emm.. maybe to shut him up:p)

i didnt feel okay. i was hurt. the pain was more like.. an anger. it wasnt fair. i didnt do enough fault to be treated that way. to be humiliated in front of other people... for what? for that little mistake? having my eyes directed to his direction, to his EXPENSIVE face? HA HA. funny. even if i did make a  mistake, i just dont think thats the right way to "punish" also known as "teach" also known as tagur others.. and i was not even one of them, YET. and ive been treated 10% like one. and atu baru introductory pain, i guess. baru sikit. but welcome to that world... i'll have to bear more.. and more. i sure dont like that kind of world.. but im stuck. haha

and i felt disturbed the whole day. faked a smile. buried the anger.. until i got back home. i went silent. so unusually silent. i didnt know what my sister asked, but she made me open up. told her my story and my feelings, how angry i was.. and hurt at the same time.. and... i cried. eventually, i cried! dududu. kasian. im just a girl. with a sensitive heart. hehe. but then, i felt a looottt better. the next day, shared the story with my friends. felt waaay much better. and the next days, i'd laughed to that. jadi peibunan tia. peibunan apa liat2 saya.. hehehe.. tapi..... pbaik ku jadikan peibunan.... ndaku lupa tu ah. ndaku lupa jua apa ku rasa that day!! haha. not that im planning to do some kind of revenge.. but i told myself, i wont treat others like that. a big NO. and certainly not in the way "im better than you are so shut up. i can do whatever i can". just because you feel like youre better than everyone else, u can point out others' flaws? or worse, belittle them? treat them like they dont deserve respect or or like their heart is smaller than yours??maybe in some course of life, i could possibly feel that and do the same.. i mean, human is a fragile forgetful creature.. but i hope i can be reminded of that and just be... humane. and try to be...... aah, humane. haha

and more importantly, it taught me how important it is to forgive and apologize..

"ya Allah, if i hurt others, give me the strength to apologize.. and if others hurt me, give me the strength to forgive.."

three AM

3am supper or more like bfast? :p not a yoo beauty and im still hungry psal ia sdikit - as u can see, obviously - haha. and its a weird combination. mcm appetizer plus dessert slajur:p (their miniature-sss lah. haha) so its a mashed potato with fried clamari and... cheesecake. featuring hot sexy xoxo milo:p all made by housemate! kcuali milo. hehehe. i like this version of mashed potato. this is new! i have my own version and she has her own too, but this one is new. and yumm-er than our previous versions. hehe.

like the fried clamari no tepung one.. mcm keropok; not in the sense ia rangup, mnada rangup.. it is as sotongish, lambut. hehe. bahawasanya pada pendapat saya, ia tidaklah bersesuaian untuk dmkan dgn nasi.. its a snack! but an expensive and energy-consuming snack. haha. tpi siuk and nyaman meratah!

aah its 3am plus plus now. i have just read (re-read, i mean. duh:p) 4 docs! one more before i sleep. baik jua lapas yg sbuting ani pindik2 sja docsnya.. huhu.

also i am uploading this symbolic food pic:

wahai anak2, mengapakah dia "simbolik"? kerana... u see, its white and pure. and its fruits! ertinya makanan sihat! okay? haha. buah pear yg saaangaaat juicy. nyaaaman ia licak!

aah. energy consuming mbaca docs2 anieh. it makes me... feel bored. and tired and hungry ofcourse. mcm inda progressive rsanya, at least not until i spill things out on the paper. i did put them on the paper udah.. i just need to reconfirm and relocate. aah, tunjuk rajin lah ku ni. haha. bh back to business --> fb:p

and this also means, i have to wake up earlier than usual krg.. otherwise i wont be getting any sleep on tues, editing and inserting footnotes. agatah kau~

papers and cake!

HAAAH. thats what i have to do today. see all the tiny tiny booklets icon on my laptop screen? plus the printed version on the keyboard. i got used to reading articles/books on the laptop screen, yes. slowly slowly i got used to it. mula2 atu juling eh, i had to print them out. tapi lama2 atu sangal th jua memprint. mcm mbazir. banyak jua tu kn dprint? but this assgn, i had to print them. have to read and re-read, must have the facts right. and left none unread.

and... those are 13 docs of xx pages each!! facts of the assigned case. including court hearings. of which i have read before but i bet carelessly. i must have left out some facts, and picked only what i thought was important. so tonight, i have to re-read them!! banyaaaak! but its important for me to get the facts right.... and locate exactly where i found them for footnotes references.... thats why i insist on having them printed out.... aaah. banyak....

and these are the facts sajaaaa. the applicable law cari tmpat lain lagi (udahku cari. but maybe carelessly jua) and then discuss, give the opinion... like a lawyer, like a lawyer yeah~ told u, im a loyar terjun... but in my professor's word: "u know sometimes i got jealous with those engineers. they make a lot of money. not like US, LAWYERS" -- 'us'? 'lawyers?' weee... so honoured to be "included". i feel sooo belong. hahaha.

my PG is like 60% law, 40% politics. i mean 50% law subjects, and 50% pols. but the pols are mixed up with laws. entwined. i am no lawyer. far from being one. but i am getting the idea. who says law and pols are boring?? (i did! hahaha). some truth in it, yes. if the only things we have to learn is the provisions of the law without applying them to situations. tappiii sudahnya kana applied to cases and real life, itss ssoooo interesting!! i dare to say, its one of the best way to see the world!! inda payah travel keliling dunia. haha:p get to understand bitss how the world works.. and its interesting trying to figure out cases... (interesting is not without cost, we all know that...)

reading my LIBRA zodiac the other day (accidentally ter-encounter..) it says, libras arent likely gonna make good politicians.. because their standpoint always moderate (in the middle. consider things in many angles). but theyre going to make a good diplomat (because they have a lot of diplomacy skills. remember, libras favour balanced views) and theyre going to make a good lawyer! oh yes, see there? never thought about that before. hahaha. (because libras have the aability to understand and analyse complicated situation. and have a strong sense of justice - some even say, it'll backfire them -) hmm.. something to ponder upon. not that im saying i believe those 100%, but its fun to peek thru the zodiac and see if there are some similarities with your personality. and.. even IF most libras are like that, some things are just different with us maybe because we are affected by our up-bringings and our environment, the way we are nurtured.. our experience.. our lack of experience.. etc etc.. ; we are the modified version of our "nature". hahaha. got more explanations and elboration and theory i wanted to add here, tapi sangalku. okeh~ [anyway, i know i am an overanalysing-kind-of person. a friend also confirmed that:p and i think u can detect that character from my blog too! i enjoy being an overanalysing person and it gives advantages to me, and sometimes it gives me the deeep understanding of things, people and ability to see micro details of life ('sometimes' i said:p) but sadly, it also backfires.. its killing me in many ways too.. i have to learn how to control that. apply where necessary, and know when to just... let go off it. kalau ada penyakit "overanalysed" - mcm pnyakit "anxiety" i might have been one of those who suffer. haha. na'uzubillah...  well, im learning to... be... "okay" haha.. :)

aah one more pic:

what i had for my supper. cheesecake (again. malar udhku makan ani) and my hot sexy milo xoxo.. not bad.. but bad for gula and cholestrol in-take :S

bh, i'll do my reading by late nite. psal im going to watch tb at 630pm until i dont know when. siuk2 critanya tonite!

manis preferences

oww.. there goes injustice.. that does not look yummy, does it? but it is a yummm! err. yumm-esh.. haha. not my strongest skill, nor what i'd usually have in the kitchen... but it is still good to have varieties. boring jua kdgnya masak and makan the usual.... so now, presenting my so call ayam tiga rasa, dominated by one rasa.. (apanah?:p) im not very keen of heavy foods yg manis - like sayur, ayam, daging yg ada element of rasa 'manis', and that includes "sweet sour" ones.. not my preference.. and mcm buah yg dbuatkan sayur, say sayur nanas.. not my preference jua.. hehe.. because those buah are meant to be manis tapi udh dimasak, lain lah kan.. but my mindset doesnt change.. so... not my preference. but.. if urg masak ayam/ikan tiga rasa or ayam masak merah or kicap yg manis-ish, i'll eat. most probably kenyamanan.. tapi unfortunately masih jua balum included jadi one of my recipessss.. just not my strongest skill and preference of cooking.. hehehe. but note that, some people are just so good at cooking benda2 ani that i can be addicted to it :)

aah. i wish i had the "habit" of uploading food pictures dari dulu, preferably when i was still baking.. so that i can give the impression that i can cook.. hahaha:p and if i am lucky, u'll get the impression that i am a good cook:p and good at baking.. haa haa! ;p aaa u see, i can make a good housewife....... :p

emmm.. above all other things, alhamdulillahi 'ala rizkika ya Allah.. :)

tomorrow

and for the immediate future plan.. :p i need to wake up at 10am tmrw. i know i wouldnt be able to make it before 10. even 10 would be quite ambitious. so its a mandatory. haha

i am waaaay behind schedule! so i need to catch up tmrw.

gonna wake up at 10, get a good bfast (emm.. probably scrambled egg, dua keping roti paun inti strawberry dan sepotong ayam kfc+sekeping nugget yg labih tadi:p chips would be good but it consumes time.. masa2 'kritikal' ani, time can only be consumed fr lunch preparation hmm). and... plan fr lunch. then get stuck behind the study desk. okeh. sounds doable and smart. haha

night. its 2am now. and its gonna be a while more before i fall asleep...

goals

ive forgotten half of my reasons why i wanted to be here.. no, not half.. its 65%

focused too much on the academics!

now i have less than 6months left to do what i have to do..

(see.. im now still telling myself to get the assgn done first, then after 20th, i'll go for my other goals. hmm)

dont you remember.. ~

dont say no

it might have always been that way.. but ive just realised during the last months i was back in brunei.. my brother never said no to me. and for that matter, maybe for all those people who matter to him. every help i needed, he handed to me. every favour i asked for, he lended to me. and i am indebted.. to him, to my family, to a lot of people. he never said no during those days... and i was.. amazed. how did he do it? he have mountains of responsibilities on his shoulders, his wife, his children, his in laws.. his work, his life, himself.. he was exhausted, he had a lot of stress.. and yet, he tried his best to be there for me. it might have taken a lot of heart to not say no..... and me, trying to put myself in his shoes, i doubt if i'd do the same: never say no. i have said no to some people, maybe a lot. directly and indirectly. in fact, there could be times when i said yes, that i might have felt... burdened.. or... at times, inda iklas... (i said "at times" tu ah, not all. haha:p)

and from what i realised, from what i saw.. from that moment on, i keep telling myself: i will try my best not to say no to him (and to my family), and for that matter, maybe not to say no to anyone else who needs me... (i mean, reasonable "anyone" not anyone, anyone).. not like, a yes to a drug addict who asks for a 10 dollar note to buy drug.. okeh? :p

a few weeks ago, i had a little conversation with my sister..  it was during my busiest weeks.. and then i realised, i am too occupied with my own things, too focused to run after "my future".. i forgot the so many things in between! yes i did appreciate the little little things along the way.. but i forgot to appreciate other people yang barangkali inda "along the way"... and i realised, i will regret that.. what if i never get to see those people i treasure again (na'uzubillah. ya Allah mudahan dorang panjang umur, sihat, murah rezeki.. amin), but yes, what if? did i not know how it feels like to lose someone? u bet. ive been there. i lost the most important person. i lost my mother! and dont say u know how it feels like unless u have lost yours...... or someone that important. and i rarely talk about it because it hurts me, not because i am strong or that i do not care slash nada feeling... and that very moment, the moment in some weeks ago, i realised.. how much i love my sister and how i cannot live without her. i cannot live without her. no i cant. no. and.. i realised, how i would not have been able to live without my father, my brothers, my sisters... (and ofcourse my mother - for those short period of 13years...) .. i always know i love them, i just tend to 'forget' how much....

i may not be a family person, physically. (teeet sensitivity alarmed!)  but yeah, ive got a lot of heart too... and i always remember them in my prayers.. insyaAllah.. :')

no inspired no

if i you ever thought of giving me some kind of motivation, in doing my PG, i think now is the right time. haha. this is the time when i need the motivation, the drive.. the most! ive felt low before, felt intimidated, felt so lacking.. but it only made me work harder! i woke up, had some foods and straightaway ke meja fr the next hours. buat kraja. flowing and flowing, no matter how hard. stopped only at 7pm psal liat fav tibi prog. then lalai. sambung lgi sikit. then lalai. then tidur. but that went on daily, fr at least two weeks non-stop. bah, im so impressed now! haha. psal masani... i am so.... mbari watir malasnya. woke up brabis late... and then wasted some hours lagi on internet or just begulung bawah slimut. lpas tu barutah mbuat kraja. started at 5pm?? at 7pm krg "break" lagi ni... klw at 5pm atu ceradas daras idea ku bisai jua.... ani... dui..... dui... copy paste pun pyah kn blurih ni. haha. sodih eh. i am so not inspired!!! where where where is that desire to hit a distinction? ke mana beliau sudah pergi? come back...... please...

hopefully esok i'll get better!! amin.. :)

2 years ago?

hmm. macam... bored? cmanna bullieeh? haha. imma gonna share more pieces of memories. yes?

its.. got to do with teachers, again. summer of my 3rd year undergrad, i decided to stay in cairo. three of us. tapi balik lah.. one month, in aug. we did some classes back then. human resource class and music class. together with the gym. i wasnt happy at the beginning. brabis stress. antah napakah. kn maaraaah sja. kn mnyamal. and all that. even more stressful than these days, doing this PG. hmm. but yeah.. in the end, i went bo ho ho. siuk. rindu. happy. sedih, sedih to leave.

the music class, i chose violin. because... violin makes me think of "inspiration".. never fails to amaze me.. the sound of violin is alive.. it hits and goes deep into my heart. my "theory" teacher told me "its a good choice. violin is the best music instrument" - she could play a lot of other instruments, but she liked violin the best. learning music was super super (cool). bnar eh cool. but brabissss skali dlm dunia payahnya. yatah mbaginya ku btambah2 pressure. but the teacher told us.. "no worries, first time is always the hardest.." and i held on to that.

meanwhile, my "practical" teacher is mr saed. can u imagine how difficult it was, learning music in ARABIC? haha. arabic is already difficult, and music language in arabic? its even foreign-ER. but he said.. "arabic or not, music is a 'foreign', different language. like scientific terms. me too.. it was hard for me at first. and then i got used to the language.. so will you". when i first entered the class, he was teaching this one girl, who was accompanied by her.. sibling? kali. then he said to me.. 'now its your turn'. taught me how to HOLD violin... and streak ONE string... and repeat the ONE streak only... sounds easy? NO!! menggarut (menggesek:p) satu tali pun payah! and u bet, the two girls laughed. haha. poor me. tapi indaku marah. nervous sja. and then came Risha, another new student. zero experience in music. bought an expensive violin. together we learned. abis class, she offered me a lift home "u live in nasr? i can give u a lift. i live there too" how nice is that for a new friend? :) but i had to decline because i was going somewhere else. gym.

the next class, the teacher asked us to streak different strings, different notes. for example, "hit a LA" or hit a MI" emm "hit a RE"... and i did good. Risha made a few mistakes. think the teacher was quite impressed with me. said to Risha "how come she got that and u dont? she doesnt even know arabic as much as you do" - that hit me, somewhere deeply. i was the underdog. the underdoggest. and when an underdog works harder, they could get better results. its the same with us.. sometimes we feel so safe, so comfortable that we dont even bother to work harder. for that reason, we stay at our exact spot for a long long time. we move so slow. because we thought we know it all....

so anyway. i learned my first song. part of Coral. and i loved it. he told me not to be afraid when i play violin. he even wanted me to perform in the end of semester festival. how did he believe that much in me? haha. i'd be happy enough whenever he said "youre good!" -- "thats beautiful. youre good. youre a beast" and all that stuff... happy enough even when its hard for me to tell if he really meant it.

aah. memories :') not that vivid. didnt enjoy writing this as much as i did last night.. but its one sweet memory, nevertheless. never thought i could ever read music sheet. but sadly, aku lupa sudah. haha. need to re-take lagi ni barutah ku ingat smula... apatah lagi kan play my first song, lagitah ku nda ingat! syg eh.

hmm. memories.....

5.. 6.. years ago..

....

some people just penetrate into your memory easily. and stay there vividly. you remember them. you remember how you feel about them. you remember how you feel in different time, different day, different moment when you and them are both in those.

i can say a lot about vivid memories i have. i can say a lot about people who make those memories alive. and i can never thank them enough. i said, we dont love people equally. as much as we want to, we just dont...

a lot of people made me who i am. affected me on how i see life. taught me different different things.. meant a lot to me.. and a lot of others just passed me by, brought joy.. tears.. smiles.. hopes.. fears.. and all the other small small little things.. or just, passed me by.. whom i might remember, whom i might not..

one of my teachers back in pra-uni triggered a lot of my memories! ive never been good at maths.. and yet he is one of those people that i can easily like and be comfortable with. he is one of those people who'll stay in my memory vividly. he is one of those people i seem able to say and act like anything and be just the way i am. not more than teacher-student boundary ofcourse! i kinda miss him. i saw him getting old.. and enjoying retirement. but i am sure he misses teaching. i hope to meet him when i get back, or maybe some other cigu yg terkesan di jiwa. hehe. oh i name my blogger author after him anyway. after the name he used to call me, dibdib. but other people pun call me dib jua bh. but a single dib. hehe.

i wonder how certain people can stay that vivid in our memories.. and especially, how some people can make us "open up" and act just the way we are? emm.. maybe its just transparency.. the way we can easily read them and somehow there is just chemistry. they dont pretend to act nice and treat you.. nicely (aah cant find other word of 'nice'. haha) they just treat you... honestly. say things they want to say. see through you.. you feel like they know who you are.. more importantly, they just act the way they want to.. sukatinya sja, in a way showing who they really are or somehow showing their 'flaws'.. and they dont judge you.. even if they are, you dont feel judged.. and so.. you, you just act the same, honestly, freely....

and this guru.. he'd tell straight on my face how "bright" i am at maths. he'd give up at my super kemaalasan mbuat homework. he'd turn blind eye on how much i liked to tease him and said all those antah apa.. (not blind eye lah, he'd repay all the teases back. he was just so good at that! impressed ku eh. haha) and with those, he'd still hope i-we'd score well. when i got a 'u' in my upper six paper, he smiled and told me how hopeless i was. said he thought i'd scored better. he did say its better to get me an extra class or tuition during parents meeting.. i looked directly into his face while he was saying those, and we'd share that tiny secret smile.. i dont know whats that really meant.. but it was the kind of 'sir, youre reporting my lack of skill in maths! but u know i wont do extra work. and i know u'll still forgive me' - i get his jokes, i think he get mine too. many days i got into the class late. and that one day, i thought it'd be just the same like the other days.. i apologised but he went quiet. i think that was the only day i felt guilty and kind of scared... but later, he went ho ho again. his mood turned okay. i was happy. and sorry. he was... okay.

this one thing, i reaaaallly cannot forget ni. i think i know where it started. and that time, he seemed to do one of his pay back times. there was this new teacher, mngajar maths.. he just graduated kali and under his 'supervision'. he looked like a student nyamu. muda. and he entered our class fr the first time... together with this guru lah.. awal2 atu, pkir th student baru, cigu panya. haha. and then....... after second time ia msuk, or was it only after the first time? i met this guru on my way out of simpang school.. and ia kn masuk keskulah. he stopped his car, buka cramin kritanya and said "hey.. that new boy likes you. he asked me about you" hah.. like "what?" tediam ku tarus eh.  maybe i said "ah?"and he just laughed. and ofcourse i was wondering the whole day if i heard right. nda calang2 penyayaannya ani. haha. didnt take me long to wonder what i heard or what he meant... that next math period, that new teacher masuk.. together with the guru.. and the guru masuk klas with his teasing smile, knocked the door briefly, happily.. looked at me.. and i was.. "what.. no" and time mbaca doa atu bh, he signalled me with his eyes and jari to the new teacher's direction.. i was so surprised that i choked or maybe laughed - not happily, but tekajut. u know,  mcm time bcakap and kana cut off cakap tani.. or time minum kana bawa beibun... aah exactly, yatah usulku tu. haha. i dont remember what happened next.. what stopped him from doing those things he did. but BUT guess what, i felt awkward whenever i was around that new teacher for the rest of my days in the school.. and maybe the weird feelings had been translated in my actions! that one, the guru owed me... -.- hahaha

when i finished school, there was this majlis for the celebration asgar thing.. organised by the school. that day he was one of the pengawas majlis. ofcourse i came with my family lah ah. and there he was, welcoming my brother ani.. they shook hands. and i was still standing there. apparently, they were like exchanging a BIG HI.. "i am please to meet you.... she is my brightt..... student" (with hands animation!) "especially bright in maths" then he looked at me and laughed!! i looked at him, too.. with.. warning eyes... and laughed. we were rushing msatu, so it was just a short intro. no time to explain or anything. poor my brother, didnt have any idea at all. i think my bro knew i was bad at math. but at that time, i bet he didnt get the idea of "our jokes".. he wouldnt think a teacher would 'joke' a 'sarcasm joke' about his student infront of a family member. haha. but naah, i really didnt/dont mind at all. there are many other vivid things in my mind.. but.. i am afraid you'll think of me weirdly... hahaha. nada dih, i believe you understand.. some people just penetrate into your life easily. no matter what kind of "relationship". so yes, i shouldnt be afraid of getting "misinterpreted"..

man, he is like... a math legend. started the career in brunei... since the year i was born? he is a teacher from generation to a generation.. he was brilliant. his method of math pun lain, i think.. (and yet i wonder why i was still bad at math! haha. naa, aku nda praktis and period mana cukup diskulah atu dlu.. :s) but to my credit, he said.. "if you were still in the school now, you'd score good grades in your A'level" - in math, he meant! haha. because the system kana tukar kn.. u now can choose between doing only a'level or both exams.. and and  the arabic exm punya format pun mcm alevel jua, u can do lower 6 syllabus and upper ali2.. so better chance to score.. i wanna believe he is right. that i'd score way much better if i do one exam.. but.. i know i'd still choose both exams..

aah. anyway. memories :') so.. yes, he is one of the many examples of my vivid memories :)

fine fine okeh

i think its going back to the few first essays.. read and read and.. i thought i was ready, knew what to write.. and then, opened MW.. staring at the blank page for... many many minutes. pulled out papers, as an alternative.. thinking maybe writing down - instead of typing the words would keep the idea flowing.. but no, still staring at the blank page.. for as long as i can remember.. then i gave up. did something else. facebook, maybe. but at one point, i had to force myself.. typed and wrote whatever. even if its in mixed language. asal ada! i desperately needed a starting point! and thats how i went through my mental block.. now its... three weeks after i last wrote my essay... and not only i got mental block.. sgala bentuk block ada.. haha.. batah udh ku rasanya nda mnjangkau buku.. no serious thinking.. no forcing-do-or-die... and it'll take whatever is left in me to start it all over again! did the basah2 reading, outline, preparation forr this assgn last three weeks, tapi aku lupa!! haiyo. manis!

and now, sibuk plgku bmain asap sajuk dari mulut.. haha. im in the house, tpi still berasap.. meaning sajuk th udh tu.. dlm esbok description is just about right. i dont wanna complain, because i am sure i dont like hot brabis weather. i would prefer sajuk than panas... but i am afraid i wont be liking this much cold.. this much okay, i can still stand it.. but isnt this just a second phase? baru2 kn sajuk... huuu. emm.. i'll be fine. yeah, i will be.. :)

countryside today

saya melaporkan keadaan coastline oz. sekian, dari tihi-spot ;p as planned yesterday, we went to this beach. mea first time hey. i liked this place! cantik and luas. pantainya yg bepasir damit lah... tapi plus the taman area luas tia. siuk lah. lawa!! good place to relax utak - kalau nd rmai urg lah, and siok to have an ice cream.. tapi time PANAS sahaja. jn coba2 time winter ha.. beinggut krg gigi=p

gigiku mengilu ah. since this morning. its the cold weather i think. and its harder to bangun pagi, psal that means getting out of slimut and jajak lantai SAJUK. i have slipar house, but ia nd masuk ke bilik... bali kapit sja ni:p and these two days, its getting more sajuk that it woke me up in the middle-of-sleeping. i inda pkai heater, because heater gave me headaches when i was in cairo. masa awal2 lah. year 1. then i didnt use heater ever since. klw heater steady mcm yg kna install rh hotel2 atu okay lh kali... belanja th aku~ ohoh... ahh and karan heater mahal anyway.. so we save! better suffer kesajukan than bayar mahal? haha karitness:p oh yeah~

rupanya esuk 10hb??? argh. i dont wanna enslave myself fr the next 10days to the assign again! but i have to... havent i? :s

goodluck me...

now im gonna go berehat first. i watched kick ass tadi. baruku meliat. siok! haha. okeh, berehat.. then.. masak.. then (possibly magicly tiba2 kanyang lapas masak).. then zzzz

city today

went jalan2 today.. psal si housemate baru sahaja menghabiskan semester satu beliau kmarin. hehe. aku abis plg dh klas, tapi assignment bh sbuting lagi~ tmorrow going to pantai kali.. pantai lagi.. hehe.. pantai lain lh plg.. kali lah kali.. and 10hb i'll do my assgn seriously, insyaAllah.. we want to go liat wyg, tpi nada yg siok. so we will wait until ada yg siok... elakkan pembaziran yg berlebihan;p (psal mliat wyg pn udh mbazir nih)

so went to salwana's cafe. we talked and talked. we minum minum kopi, and aku, tihi. tecapai hajat. ticked. then went straight to the city. nowhere specific. jalan sja ke mana kaki membawa~ sampai sana, jalan aimlessly (mnada aimlessly, masa awal2 atu directed to JAMBAN! haha. did free show to the ladies there how to usai tudong:p) okeh, selepas itu.. we were attracted to Adele's song. eh siapa mnyanyi? nda kn urg lain, suara adele jua tu. tapi byk jua urg bekumpul. apa ada? heh heh urg shuffle rupanya!! coolness! but we walked away udhnya abis show without giving any money =( and we said, ai kasian eh, kasian eh. and i wanted to take pics with them, with one of their cool moves..... tapi inda.. we went jalan2 sja tarus.. ramai sungguh sungguh sungguhnya org! watched the colourful light animation on the buildings. watched the beautiful lights. watch the beautiful city behind us. took pictures. amazed by the beauty of... modernization. udh puas ati, back again to shuffle area. another show! emm that api cycle2 thing. but it was funny. made me laugh. abis the show, we stayed there.. thinking how lapar we were.. pilih2 restoran. skali ada tia smula the shuffle guys, kn buat second (if not third, fourth show).. kami liat lagi. this time around, we bagi duit. thats how drg cari rezeki. and what, we watch fr free just like that? it doesnt feel right... and, i planned to take pix with them... tapi... aah gagal. haha. maluku!! and there wasnt any good chance! nada jua lgi urg lain bgambar tu. sengaja th ku ni kn bagi duit ahir2.. ahir bnr eh, smpai2nya turned away mcm kn bepanyap. i had to say 'excuse me' then ia mnoleh. i gave the duit arh topinya. and he was like... surprised? happy? grateful? looked me in the eye, offered his hand to shake, professionally saying thank you. nah, ndaku tcakap kn bgambar slajur eh. plus dorang gagas jua... ada urg next kn buat performance lagi.. and us, we made our way to a restaurant (Cari dari google lah=p) udh smpai sana, aii full taya.. nada seat lagi. so we decided to go home sja. safely arrived at 9pm. i dont have a cinderella life anymore. jalan2 until after midnight=p not safe kali eh. haha pisan jua masa di cairo inda bpantang balik rumah subuh2 atu ah.. liat wyg and mostly lepak rh rumah kwan2 :') and cairo never sleeps anyway.. the only place yg ku brani buat catu...

what do people do kalau tekana mcm sexual assault ah? assault kah namanya tu? like on busses kana pigang kah tu.. i mean sensitively - unauthorized version.. hehehe.. or in crowd, etc? what... scream? 'accuse' outloud? thats what i usually see on tv.. but would other people pecaya.. would other people be on your side.. would they even care? would you even find your voice to scream? or to utter a word? or or just... frozen in place, too shocked, too terrified, too humiliated to say anything. whats more realistic? as opposed to idealistic.

hmm next. want to buy new jacket. contact lens (yakah jua). or new kacamata. emm maybe kasut? entah lah. byk listku ani bnrnya, awal ani ndaku brapa ingat=p but have to save, i wanna go to the mountain itu~

zzz. better rest lah. see u tmorrow~

cheesssyy!

my housemate is suweet~ haha. aku pndai mngusut eh:p and she would say "ahaha. ndaku pndai" or something like "boh, canath jua" tapi esennya sja. ia mna penyampai ati=p today she said, makan ah.. (and i didnt hear any latuk2 sound earlier) so, i was like 'apa tu?' ofcourse i had a feeling its gonna be desserts.. dari bilik, not seeing it yet, i said apa rsanya? she said manis. i asked apa bendanya? she said malu ya, adalah. so i just laughed.

to some people, this annoying personality of mine.. mngusut or demanding (yg nda hari2, but skalinya dtg ulah atu... it may annoy some people).. they think it is a trait of prangai "mnyusahkan".. maybe, yes.. but i only ask because satu habuk pn nada prnah singgah dlm utakku ani that my half-cheeky kusutan would be seen as mnyusahkn.. and more importantly, if u ask me such a same favour, i know i'd do it fr you.. but youve gotta ask me reasonably, liat mood urg, liat masa & kmampuan.. well yeah, i do that only to close friends yg i know nda bkira arah diri.. but that one day, i was happily asking a friend to masakkan something2.. we were laughing and all.. and this someone then tagur aku "thats mnyusahkan".. i felt stabbed.. and angry. why? thats a favour from a friend to a friend. i'd do that in a blink of an eye.. just because ure not the type to ask people of anything, any favour.. doesnt mean this favour i ask would be mnyusahkan. have u asked that person i asked? what do they feel about that? i was upset.. so upset..

but to think of it... thats also true. mana th tani tau jua.. minta cmatu cmani, padahal urg atu kebarataan (if kbaratan, id expect them to just say no because i'd say no too.. but i forgot manusia ani kdgnya ada yg nda  smpai ati kn ckap nda..) so i made some reflection and i thought.. i might be wrong.. i shouldnt do that.. bukan smua manusia ani jenisnya nda bekira.. bukan smua kwan ani iklas.. but u see, i cant get that prangai off me!! haha. i'd go to those people im close to, people i trust, yg ku nda malu2 kucing kn minta favour.. and im just like that. sigh. and my bro too, will scold me. he scolded me once too, because i said "oh its okay, i can rely on my friend" and he just said a big no to that. but.. i dont know.. maybe sometimes i just dont get it because so far so good psal i asked from the right people, from the right friends.. SO FAR.. and so it becomes a habit.. when its reasonable lah.. ndalah ku minta2 yg aku sndiri anggap mnyusahkan :( as simple as beibun2 tpi sadang2 serius "masakkan ku pais daging~".. *you should know i have a good instinct what kind of favour is a no and a yes* hahaha *not necessarily lurus tho:p*

i heard things happened to org lain lah jua ofcourse.. people who bekira and all.. my own friend takana jua.. and it broke my heart to see her like that msatu.. and so, i should be more careful with this favour thing..

but anyway im grateful to have some good friends.. those friends i trust.. those who was there for me.. those yg slama ani nda bkira, nda mengungkit.. i love you all.. i'd do the same kindness for these people.. maybe more.. i hope.. :)

slurrrp

hot shower is really awesome in winter!! slurrrp:p rasanya kn stay bwah shower curahan air panas:p fr the next two hours!! tapi inda~

aku tesliur pais daging =( specific pais daging yg two of my bros slalu bali... sobsob.. maybe i should just run to the tour agency next next bulding and buy a ticket to brunei? esenku. maybe i did talk about going back and stuff, tpi bnarnya inda kna suruh balik ulih the bosses, unless ada solid reason. just the rules and regulations.... cannot go back masa winter hols.. if go back time winter, cannot go back time summer lah kali.. hantah lah.. but i'd imagine going back, just to grab some food stocks mcm perencah tomyam..... lada butul kuning brunei.... and 'fresh foods' macam pizza double tuesday.. (mana tahan mliat status urg double tues th saja...:p) and cakes... specific cakes to my taste.. and maybe KFC... ada kfc halal sni, tpi nda nyaman, thats when i realised aku skali sja ke kfc msa dbrunei msatu.. eh bukan skali ke sana, skali mkan yg kna tapaukn... and also kabab... kabab arab style ndaku suka.. emm....slurrrppp

i really wanna eat desserts!! bukan dessert kadai okeh.... i think im 2 walls away from being moved into doing something about this. about my cakes-desserts liur....

dikun dajajatun

whats on the table today. untuk apa ni nah? hihihih

taada. utk bubur dikun dajajatun i ;D tapi buburku buntak, tuhur ah.. should have added more, spaya lawa ya usulnya. haha. was thinking, what should i have fr sungkai today.. then bubur popped in my mind.. bnrnya mbari malas ni masak bubur ah.. psal inda skajap and pksa bejagai... nda plg all minutes.. but still, batah~ and have to prepare ia punya sapak ali2.. so, klw mood malas sia2pun sja. bleh plg, jnth bsapak.. hehe. and and and.. bubur nda mbari kanyang. esen2 sj kanyang, then lapar tia balik.

featuring... ayam kunyit fresh and ayam goreng yg labih kmarin... and atu lh sja menu saya. alhamdulillah. ada jua rezeki kn dmkan.. hehe...

im quite productive today.. (balum lgi malam ni, not yet 6pm:p), cleaned my room - so that i can start doing my assgn tmrw.. did laundry which is balum siap.. atu plg sja. productive lh tu psal sminggu ani aku ampai2 sj. laptop and tv. manis. ah hah

heh

damdimdum nyum

my aussie mee basah express. kuah limited edition psal inda byk, yatah karit menguahi;p tesliur punya psal.. antam saja, padahal ndaku pndai masak mee basah.. hehehe.. isnt cooking always (but not always) like that? there will be foods u tesliur tpi inda pernah or nda pndai masak.. then u peek thru resepi kah atau jangka2 hati.. haha.. taaa thats ur first time. later handal tia. or andang skali atu saja masak lah.. ;p

my second day puasa actually :) unfortunately today nda sahur.. last meal was my supper ah.. hehe.. then i cooked ikan goreng with sup sayur.. inda mau mkan msa kn tidur so aku set alarm lh, kalinya malas bngun... huhu.. udh siang, liur ani belalih tia ke mee basah. hehe. i am not good at eating mee kadai.. jarangku tepakai eh.. yatah slalunya inda abis.. klw abis atu, super bagus th urg masak atu.. memandangkan saya sungguh pemilih mee.. homemade usually suka.. soto okeh.. depends rh kdai jua, but generally okay.. klw mee kna jual di pasar mlm atau utk sungkai.. its a no no..

notice pinggan kmi putih sja? haha. kmi karit, ada dua pinggan sja. and bali yg muraaah. kn diapa jua byk2 atau mahal2.. yeh?

bh silamat. i'll be back. maybe quite often. =p

A-supper

haha there goes my 'american bfast' habit again:p im free now so i have time to make this. i know its incomplete. i think it'll always be that way, yellow, while im in aussie. psalnya aku nada suka sausagenya dsni.. stakat ani lah.. and i dont really eat other stuff mcm beans and roasted tommy.. pndaiku mkan, tpi nda favvy.. name is bfast, tpi this is my supper. just now. with my hot chocy. ;D

im in a happy positive mood i think. the kind of mood that gives me a go on last few weeks and did my essays coolly and took each day as it comes.. and i should, rightfully, make full use of this mood, pkai ia to do my next assgn.. tpi balumku start. bnar th urg ani~ haha. im afraid to get too attached to this new pattern of life.. because then it'll be hard fr me to go back to school next sem!! scream!!

eh eh, i dont know if this is a right thing to say on blog.. my hair msani sungguh panjang, that i'd TER-sit on it klw duduk.. panjang? ;p i kept it long fr... 3 yrs now? so that i wont have any regret or tears (:p) comes the day when i have to cut it short, like a soldier does... man, why do i have to sacrifice my life this way? haha. naa,i have to stop questioning, and take it like a big girl would :)

hmm. u now i talked about lenient lecturers earlier? having one might be super good and advantageous.. but at one point, u will never know the truth.. u will never know how u are really doing.. good? bad? okay? u will never have that satisfaction. u will learn very slowly. its like everyone telling u half-lies, telling u how good u are when u are not even that good.. sometimes thats exactly what we need.. but other times, we need people to say to our face that we are craps (in a diplomatic, psychological way ofkos:p), that we are not good enough.. that way we'll learn, we'll improve.. aye? :)

alright. what to do now? basuh pinggan!! facebook buat rondaan on the pages yg ku inda like tapi malar meliat!! haha TAA. night!

one D!!

alhamdulillah. yayyy. that means i secured one distinction right? happy. i said i needed 13 or 14 more marks, then i got 15.5 (i had a target of 15 masa dulu2 bfore i did the presentation, oh before i even knew what we were going to present). received an email from the lecturer, with comments on the presentation. she said.. i did good but to improve on that, i have to go into further analysis and details.. nuhh, i dont have the skill yet - to go into details within the given 3 minutes.. aii nda benafas ku bcakap tu:p i dont know about others.. malasku kn mnyibuk.. hehe.. tpi i thought my speech was the shortest of all, maybe exactly 3 mins or maybe a bit more.. i think its only fair to potong markah org yg labih masa dari 3mins.. banar eh.. pbaik aku yg labih, potong tia.. bnr jua tu, dorang mngarasi sukati2 mngambil more than 3 mins, which also means drg can stuff up more points and deeper analysis into their speech.. and possibly more marks.. nah see.. buyuk.. hmm. biar tia lah, many words inda jua ertinya isi bagus.. and yeah, baik jua markahku okay lah.. mun inda marah th ku.. haha.. i think, my courses or andangnya generally courses kah, "its better to go deep into a focused point/issue than giving so many other things but inda detail" - misalnya possible solutions to improve sekian2.. give maybe two suggestions and go into details rather than give 5 lines (no details)

now im waiting fr chris's email. sudah dua minggu lah cikgu. hehehe. tpi impress ku lecturers ani eh, merait paper sekajap sungguh. atukan mbuat assignment batah, dui dorang merait tutup mata sja, siap tia:p

aah. one more thing. kmi punya uni regulation kn, nda bleh ambil courses yg clash. then ada th ku tepakai satu law course ani, clash ya sama one politic subject. masalahnya aku udah enrol all my pols subjects and left the law slot empty fr about 2weeks. eh no, i enrolled in another chris's subject. tpi ahir abis ah, week 12, bulan oct. and ada presentation ah. hahaha. malasku wh lagi. nda jua ada pngalaman yg mbagi jara ah, tpi malasku go thru the thinking process mikirkan "aah presentation lgi" tpi udh present nada papa pn bnrnya. huhu. and as a bonus point sbnrnya subject mr mata lawa ani aku familiar udh. psal ia part of essayku aritu. bh anyway. then when i can decide udah what i really wanted.. aku kn drop chris's and enrol in this course yg aku inda familiar and mcm pyah but... didnt i go here not knowing anything msatu? sama lah jua ni. only this time its scarier psal i know how not knowing feels like. haha. antam sja lh cause i think its gonna be more practical lah benda ani utk negara kita:p aah skali, when aku kn enrol this course inda lagi dapat psal ia clash dgn my pols subject. and all the other pols sudah panuh!! weh. how. one hr sja clashnya but fr fr times. then pksa ku kontek sana sini, mnatau ada possibility kna allow such clashes kan.. then yes, after contact2 itu ini. and lecturernya pn okay, then dapat.... but now, im afraid if i made a wrong decision. haih. i'll never know, until i go through it. mcm this sem jua tu, now i think i made a right decision :) but masa semester satu i didnt have doubt at all!! konpidenku enrol subject2 ku atu! oh and now im affected ulih cakap coursemate ku ani jua, ia gitau subject2 yg ia enrol msa sem satu.. dan dikuatkan lah lagi dgn hujah beliau "u better consider the lecturers. its important to have a nice and lenient one u know.." terkesan lah pulak dijiwa i. padahal msa semester satu aku tabak sj. didnt have any idea psal lecturers sgala atu man. then udahku experience, i thought there is some truth in the dalil lah:p and aku pn takut jua tia. haha. but msa smester satu ani, seorg sja lecturerku yg mcm strict brabis. yg lain, okay... baik.. especially mr mata lawa kali:p alhamdulillah. so yeah, i'll just take the risk. pndai2 ko kn enrol arh subject clash, pndai2 ko berusah sndiri. mun mngalih psal classnya batah, u have no right to complain:p

mudahan th okay.. Rabbi yassir wala tu'assir ya karim.. Rabbi tammim bilkheir.. amin.. ya Allah, jadikan aku hamba yg bersyukur & redha.. permudahkan lah urusanku, serta berikanlah rahmat&keberkatan&redhaMu.. kuatkan smangat&kudratku.. luruskan niatku ya Allah.. amin amin :)

happy birthday housemateku!

today is my housemate SALWANA's birthday!! happy birthday sal. couldnt do anything special... sobsob. ia lagi exam esuk. hmm. okay, we'll go to your cafe nxt week ah;p or go around city, or anywhere u want :D

glad to have her around. if aku nada housemate, or with strangers.. i think stress ku will double triple.. and i wont be any happier than i am now. she's a good cook too. im addicted to sawi now, either psal cara ia masak (which i could copy sudah:p) or its just i never really tried to appreciate sawi;p like her curry too.. nasi ayam, cucur pisang.. and yeah, she's good. and i am good too. hahah =p i just wish i have the baking utensils now, so i can make her a good cake. and i can make my favvy cakes sementara aku free ani. hehehe. klw mbali, haiih.. its just no way.. im gonna regret that i think. cua th ku liat sja the price arh kadai nxt week kali ah? tpi klw ku bali, sasak th ku tu.. kn ku apa jua utensils yg sama banyak2? kn dijual nganya tu~

anyways, good to have her around, dia seorg yg tinggi toleransi dan sabar. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

tadi aku liat crita human-animal bond. yatah yg ku kalah tu benda catu ah. human's feelings towards animals inda mbagi heran. klw feelings animal arh tuannya atau rh urg yg baik arh ia.. im melted, touched. haha. its just amazing how those animals could remember a person's face, name, deeds, aah.. animal th pulang yg basssaaar hatinya.. sobsob. i want an animal buddy too!

i always tease my housemate psal ia suka animals and zoo-s, but it turned out.. i have a thing and deep feelings bout them too. haha

sekian.

prarpropkapkap

poc days were good. i did exercise, those crazy exercises yg mbaginya ingkang2 kn trabah nganya inda... and i did monitor my diet well. i'd eat protein, i'd avoid cholestrol if i could.. haha. and i makan a lot. heavy bfast, after exc (klw ada mkanan available.kdgnya behata), at 10 (klw opis bagi nasi, then its nasi), lunch, hi tea, dinner and supper tpi supper jarang. and yet i didnt gain a lot of weight. only GRAMS. altho my body's compo changed into plus 2 kilos muscle but minus 2kilos fat.. hahah. i dont need another loss man. i need a gain. but its so hard to gain when we did such a lot of running. inda running pun ku payah gain nih.

but ive abandoned those glorious days, sadly. 

there is this netball, organised by student body di sini. first time was in march, msatu aku stress brabis. so without even a micro hesitation, i joined. i wanna transfer my pressure arh the ball:p thats the plan. skali ujan. inda jadi. and then sunyii. aku pun inda jog lagi jua. then recently drg abis class kali, off week. revision. and ada tia lagi msa ari saturday. but i was selesema. and since rmai urg kn main, i hesitated a lot. mainly psal aku gagar lh, hahah. i dont know if i can even catch a ball anymore? havent played netball for a year plus. and i have zero stamina. ZERO. adding to that, i was sick. krg memalukan diri sendiri sja;p so.. no. tapi kana cancel psal ujan lgi. that was yesterday, kana postpone today. when a friend sms me... i said yes. because my health got better yesterday. and nya urg klw damam bisai dbwa bpaluh. plus i think i'll get bored if i stay dlm rumah memanjang. i better at least liat drg main. and i was thinking, staun labih udh ku nda main netball.. but if i could played with and caught those 2kgs balls during poc, why would an ordinary air-light ball turned me hesitant? esseh. kambang-kambangan:p aah pisan tu the 2 kgs ball.. mula2 bnr eh, exc mcm biasa, angkat angkat, turunkan.. cmatu cmani.. but as the days went on, lambung to your partner, bawa belusir etc.. dont u underestimate 2kgs atu... kapus2 jua eh. and one day, we were asked to pass2 the ball mcm netball but without the "goal net", lambung to ur group members and count brapa kali u can pass to each other beturut2, if inda beturut2 (klw kana catch ulih the other group) then count ur passes back to zero. when u reach ten passes in a row, then its a ONE score. haduii, tebako rasa dada i. hahah. ngaleh2 blusir bh. and the ball, dangerous jua tu bnrnya. hehehe. but handle with care sja lah. pcaya jua the coach we wont hurt oursleves ah? hmm maybe he knows better, abis2 pun binjul kali sj? hehe. 

skali netball atu, today cancel lagi, psal ujan sikit and inda cukup urg kali. psal ujan kn, so inda rmai yg respon to that this early hour. and me, when i woke up.. i saw ujan.. then my mind ter-set"nda jadi", plus.. i cannot risk my health with the weather.. hehehe. i dont wanna go back to my 1st-2nd day of selesma. aah scary:p ada ubat merah dbrunei tu.. last time aku kna bagi ulih my sis in law, ubat from private clinic.. aku suka that ubat.. ia prevent the cold.. if have the symptoms, then swallow the pill, sleep, the next day nyah hilang the symptoms, insyaAllah klw diizinkanNya.. hehe

bh what am i gonna do for the rest of the day? kan jalan, indaku bdgn:p and im not in the mood to jln2, esp in this weather. main netball was a yes just because it'd give me paluh in a fun way. hmm buat assignment, balumku bemood :( will try to start tmorrow lh. i wanna finish it, at least the 'rough-unedited' version lah by 15th.. tapi tapi... antah ah, i doubt it.. psal prangai last minute (aah inda bgarak bh aku ani klw nada that "danger alert" kicking in) and... now aku rsa kn berehaaaat sja. no good no good. but if i want to get a distinction, i better start tmorow, that'll at least give me better chance and close the doors for possible regrets.. haha. bh i go back to sleep sja now? 

codral

fuuh alhamdulillah. i feel better now. kmarin atu, jn cakaap lah. i felt weak. and kdg2 sajuk brabis. and idung inconsistently teblock atau runny nose. woke up like every one hr and early in the morning. paning sungguh but i decided to grab any cold relief in the nearest 7Eleven. when i swallowed one, it didnt make any difference. kn ampai2 sj rh katil, payah bnafas klw lying down atu. klw inda lying down lalah. so i watched tv actually plus ampai2 rh katil jua. half an hour mcm sejam rsanya. the hardest time is when i was about to sleep. ya Allah, sakit nya kah. heavy head, panas, sajuk, paning. inda lgi mau tdur tu. fr some hours i just gulik2 atas katil, couldnt even breathe well. bnafas dari idung, teblock. bnafas dari mulut, karing rsanya plus sakit leher. skali magic, tetidur th ku jua. ofcourse tbngun2 mcm every 2-3hrs, tpi i felt better la. aih lama udhku inda selesma ani, thats why ia mcm inda nyaman brabis ani kali? alhamdulillah jua, kafarah dosa.. insyaAllah...

mudahan th lakas baik. amin amin :)