ooh man.. u are breaking my heart.. haha
everything is falling apart..
even myself.. no, especially myself..
but yo, at least i had a great day yesterday. hihi
hold my hands.. lift me up.. i think im falling.. falling to what i think is safe..- but no, falling is never safe.. u bet..
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
dear time
despite the thought of im tired, i find my eyes more than half awake- not wide awake.. find myself hardly drifting to sleep.. not even close. i woke up early today. early. by early, i mean 7am. [tho alarm ku 6!] . psal kn jog. and i did one lap. ONLY. ONLY. frustrating, should be. but i expected that. and even planned to, but still.. i didnt think i would really do it. heh heh
ohh my body really tells me that im tired. even my mind too. guess my adrenaline is the reason.. that im still awake.. or maybe a corner of my mind refuses to admit im tired. hah. apakn. this proves im tired.
huu tell me what silence means? good silence? bad? scary? soothing?
i only want to know that silence...
and i have some more to say. tpi ngalihku. and esuk aku skulah, mutik tasdik. i really dont feel like going to school.. but i dont want someone else to take it for me. thats less fair for now.
there was once i thought, i gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning.. you used to be the one that put a smile on my face.. -but i got more and more reasons each day.. new beautiful smiles.. haHA mnasja~
AND.. before id be disappeared again- IF IF la.. i dont know, cant even really expect myself.. haha.. so.. IF U HAPPENED TO BE THE 1110TH person to hit this blog, do let me know.. write in something arah shoutmix kh.. nothing much, just for selfish fun.
ohh my body really tells me that im tired. even my mind too. guess my adrenaline is the reason.. that im still awake.. or maybe a corner of my mind refuses to admit im tired. hah. apakn. this proves im tired.
huu tell me what silence means? good silence? bad? scary? soothing?
i only want to know that silence...
and i have some more to say. tpi ngalihku. and esuk aku skulah, mutik tasdik. i really dont feel like going to school.. but i dont want someone else to take it for me. thats less fair for now.
there was once i thought, i gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning.. you used to be the one that put a smile on my face.. -but i got more and more reasons each day.. new beautiful smiles.. haHA mnasja~
AND.. before id be disappeared again- IF IF la.. i dont know, cant even really expect myself.. haha.. so.. IF U HAPPENED TO BE THE 1110TH person to hit this blog, do let me know.. write in something arah shoutmix kh.. nothing much, just for selfish fun.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
wrong door. hooo
did i just ask that not-so-brilliant ques? of course i wont get the answer. emm.. what was i thinking? ahaha.
anyway anyway im so iski.. dont ask why unless u wanna join in. aah u might know what i mean.. keep it as my-our little secret.. heh
i went to sc just now.. to crepaway skajap, and i got my eyes on this guy. haha. bida bunyinya. but seriously aku suuuukaa liat. u know, like a slightly naughty description, it would be: u got my adrenaline pumped babe. hahaha. (in a good way. in a good way of course) but still, no. not that much. couldnt keep my eyes off him, well sort of. man, me in this situation will be so one in many years, maybe. or one in hundred times. hahaha. but when u see him.. kau tidak akan setuju. he is not the type- that people will want to look at more than twice. biasa aja. i dont know what i saw in him- in his handsome face. just when he looked at me, when he spoke and met his eyes.. man, its those eyes- that are capable of melting me straight away (if i or anyone could ever be melted that fast. haa) those mysterious, deep, shy and yet inviting eyes? -and more description to it- hahahah. what such a loser talking about this. suka hati laa..
ive been thinking.. there must be a time when we are soo happy, so happy that we are scared. for how much longer we will be that happy, until it is taken away? with what do we have to pay for such happiness? yes, there is always a price for everything... as i always told myself. maybe i dont want to feel that scary happiness- that invite those questions. just because we are so afraid of losing it. i want to be happy in a way that it is not scary. ha ha. but i know, i know exactly what i mean by scary happiness, and i know it too.. i cant skip feeling that way. maybe subconsciously. and maybe more someday..
eeh im kind of jobless these two days. with jobless, i dont mean i want job or task or even school.. emm.. entertaining, fun, interesting job is welcome. hihih. mcm? mcm main game, mcm jalan2. love it this way now, always able to throw myself onto my blue popeye whenever i want. well, u know.. i havent really ready to wake up.
&& this book i read msatu.. young, loaded and fab.. isit well known? i dunno lah. mn awu, bari malu plg sikit ni, that im about to shhhiiihi about it. ytah kn, aku nd suka. nda siok eh. maybe the whole idea is interesting plang. jalan crita nda brapa. just an everyday life story of a sixth form students yg kaya. who is interested in that? not me. it should be in a longer time frame. bnr plg buku atu byk smbungannya kali [mcm crita series spisisnya]. the way she writes pn udh nda brapa bari addicted. and the words pn nda siok, a bit pyah in its-not-so-literature-way (boh, sukati aku ani. what do i know bout this thing?) ok.. thats in the eyes of someone who doesnt really know what literature is, precisely. what writing is. tapi.. to my defense, once i read kite runner.. hoo i know how literature-like it is. love it straight away.
bah. off. im going to school tomorrow. I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.
for no reason, i keep looking at the same space.. the same not promising letters.. but they say only opposite poles attracted...?
anyway anyway im so iski.. dont ask why unless u wanna join in. aah u might know what i mean.. keep it as my-our little secret.. heh
i went to sc just now.. to crepaway skajap, and i got my eyes on this guy. haha. bida bunyinya. but seriously aku suuuukaa liat. u know, like a slightly naughty description, it would be: u got my adrenaline pumped babe. hahaha. (in a good way. in a good way of course) but still, no. not that much. couldnt keep my eyes off him, well sort of. man, me in this situation will be so one in many years, maybe. or one in hundred times. hahaha. but when u see him.. kau tidak akan setuju. he is not the type- that people will want to look at more than twice. biasa aja. i dont know what i saw in him- in his handsome face. just when he looked at me, when he spoke and met his eyes.. man, its those eyes- that are capable of melting me straight away (if i or anyone could ever be melted that fast. haa) those mysterious, deep, shy and yet inviting eyes? -and more description to it- hahahah. what such a loser talking about this. suka hati laa..
ive been thinking.. there must be a time when we are soo happy, so happy that we are scared. for how much longer we will be that happy, until it is taken away? with what do we have to pay for such happiness? yes, there is always a price for everything... as i always told myself. maybe i dont want to feel that scary happiness- that invite those questions. just because we are so afraid of losing it. i want to be happy in a way that it is not scary. ha ha. but i know, i know exactly what i mean by scary happiness, and i know it too.. i cant skip feeling that way. maybe subconsciously. and maybe more someday..
eeh im kind of jobless these two days. with jobless, i dont mean i want job or task or even school.. emm.. entertaining, fun, interesting job is welcome. hihih. mcm? mcm main game, mcm jalan2. love it this way now, always able to throw myself onto my blue popeye whenever i want. well, u know.. i havent really ready to wake up.
&& this book i read msatu.. young, loaded and fab.. isit well known? i dunno lah. mn awu, bari malu plg sikit ni, that im about to shhhiiihi about it. ytah kn, aku nd suka. nda siok eh. maybe the whole idea is interesting plang. jalan crita nda brapa. just an everyday life story of a sixth form students yg kaya. who is interested in that? not me. it should be in a longer time frame. bnr plg buku atu byk smbungannya kali [mcm crita series spisisnya]. the way she writes pn udh nda brapa bari addicted. and the words pn nda siok, a bit pyah in its-not-so-literature-way (boh, sukati aku ani. what do i know bout this thing?) ok.. thats in the eyes of someone who doesnt really know what literature is, precisely. what writing is. tapi.. to my defense, once i read kite runner.. hoo i know how literature-like it is. love it straight away.
bah. off. im going to school tomorrow. I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.
for no reason, i keep looking at the same space.. the same not promising letters.. but they say only opposite poles attracted...?
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
what happened to instincts?
i still wonder.. bnar kh nada ice cream corn (prisa jagung di egypt). udahku cari di kdai, not even one yg imported.. apatah lagi ice cream yg cone.. bnda kuning2 itu hanyalah manju.. si mango (eh talking about mangga.. tesliurku mangga masak yg manis eh! and dont let me start talking about mkanan yg ku tesliur). so.. bnarkh nada? the guy's statement atu lgi "u will never find corn flavoured ice cream in egypt" now, can u tell me why? just because ia nda market-top-demand? oh please.. cuba mkan dulu.. nyaman kali ah.. and tell me, why drg nda buat?? its nothing impossible.
u know what i love.. and really appreciate- just recently? when someone came to me and asked "kau suka ice cream corn kn? i made one bowl" (well, sort of) and then shared it with me. credit cos she knows i love it. credit psal ia pndai buat ice cream jagung. credit cos i get it when i want it the most, where i could not possibly find it. thanks =) u will never know how i can appreciate small things and dnt even look at bigger things-my bad-*hint2, cakoi jua.. mertabak.. emm.. lagi? aah u dnt wanna know. haha*
hah. and.. i wanna say again, i hate seeing those beautiful-heavenly pics of matrouh and siwa. cos it choked my leher, my breath. bcz its soo lawaaa. haha. laut always fascinated me. [wlaupun aku nda pndai swim yoo. haha]. and like i said, my current interest is desert (haha?) but true laa. at least i think soo. love the unique hotel too.
laut, the same reason why i wanted to go to SA. [plus aku mau ke safarinya la]. the same reason i wnted to go to carribean. [tmpat2 lain yg ku mau jln? adala~ haha]. hey, i know what type of places i want to go fr honeymoon. three or two options. HAHA. emm..
i dnt wanna come back to life now.. not yet.. but i have to.. kan? pull me out of this floating moment............
**and you.. did u think i refer that you to you? haha. but i do wish somehow. but.. then.. dont expect me to come out of nowhere and say "i miss you".. cos i dnt find it easy to be so true to my feelings. ive always been in denial, if u didnt know that. if u find it easy to say i love you.. to someone u never said that to.. i take it, u dont mean it. and take it from there, its my goodbye. i wont say the words if i dnt mean it. i dnt expect the better half of me would do different.
but then, just because i dnt say it.. doesnt mean i dnt feel it.
what happened to instincts?
err.. jgn buat spekulasi haa. im not in love. truly. honestly. haha
u know what i love.. and really appreciate- just recently? when someone came to me and asked "kau suka ice cream corn kn? i made one bowl" (well, sort of) and then shared it with me. credit cos she knows i love it. credit psal ia pndai buat ice cream jagung. credit cos i get it when i want it the most, where i could not possibly find it. thanks =) u will never know how i can appreciate small things and dnt even look at bigger things-my bad-*hint2, cakoi jua.. mertabak.. emm.. lagi? aah u dnt wanna know. haha*
hah. and.. i wanna say again, i hate seeing those beautiful-heavenly pics of matrouh and siwa. cos it choked my leher, my breath. bcz its soo lawaaa. haha. laut always fascinated me. [wlaupun aku nda pndai swim yoo. haha]. and like i said, my current interest is desert (haha?) but true laa. at least i think soo. love the unique hotel too.
laut, the same reason why i wanted to go to SA. [plus aku mau ke safarinya la]. the same reason i wnted to go to carribean. [tmpat2 lain yg ku mau jln? adala~ haha]. hey, i know what type of places i want to go fr honeymoon. three or two options. HAHA. emm..
i dnt wanna come back to life now.. not yet.. but i have to.. kan? pull me out of this floating moment............
**and you.. did u think i refer that you to you? haha. but i do wish somehow. but.. then.. dont expect me to come out of nowhere and say "i miss you".. cos i dnt find it easy to be so true to my feelings. ive always been in denial, if u didnt know that. if u find it easy to say i love you.. to someone u never said that to.. i take it, u dont mean it. and take it from there, its my goodbye. i wont say the words if i dnt mean it. i dnt expect the better half of me would do different.
but then, just because i dnt say it.. doesnt mean i dnt feel it.
what happened to instincts?
err.. jgn buat spekulasi haa. im not in love. truly. honestly. haha
Monday, February 16, 2009
my little world- its more than little
belangau.. bekulat.. bebau.. whatever u call it.. the point is, i thought i wont write in something here fr some more-long time lagi.. im just suddenly inspired. hah-hah
ive had a full sche holiday which was tiring. and yet- nurturing. okay not really full but full. haha. i mean, the first week i could still kuai2 plg. i had more than enough time to watch PB, heroes, gossip girl, tidur more than 12 hrs and everything. then, the 2nd week panuh tia. didnt even get enough sleep. but im telling u, the faraidh class was superb. love it. sometimes i wish kuliah pn cmatu, if i could understand things that well, siuk tu eh.
then we went to this place, hurghada. i love it there. esp motor cross ke bedouin ah. mati, sangal plg.. but i dnt mind. siok. next time i ever go there lagi, i dnt wanna miss snorkeling plg or the beach. anything about laut, i love. oh i hate the night of persmbahan- alf lailah ah. well, not that i hate. its just.. nda siok. but but, i always wanted to find gelek arab and found it there. yes! aku iski tu. haha. about makanan di bedouin lagi, i always joked about kofta with housmates.. its not that bad, to be honest nyaman plg.. but its not my favourite.. never will.. couldnt even bring myself to eat it scara natural or enjoy every bits and pieces.. kmbang liurku bh eh.. but then, ngap sja tia eh dsana tu.. throw me somewhere unknown, given desperate situations.. il eat everything, ul see every sides of me that i dnt even think ive seen before.. haha. but seriously, bnar ni.. or at least my common sense plus bits of experience tell so..
friday and sat off days. merehatkn sangal bdan. on sun, we went off to turkey. [when i typed it, feels like it sounds near and common but turkey wh!] .. and yes, turkey was lawa. if u ask me, hows turkey? i cant give u a definite answer actually. there's something missing about it.. i dnt know. maybe im not that satisfied. i want more? i dunno. it was my very first time jalan out of country like alone [with my cool darlings, but each of us pn nada experience ke turkey]. so maybe, next time we go to somewhere, we know how to plan it well. [not that plan in turkey was not ok. i just think, there must be a way to maximize it better]. ok ok, honestly how i wish i had time or usin ke other places yg jauh dri istanbul.. like pammukale, cappodocia, bahtera nabi nuh.. [ignore my sp. sorry]
if i ignore that extra desire, or the unmaximised plan.. or something i didnt get there.. i would say trip to istanbul was great.. i learned a lot. sometimes, i think rehlah or trip or whatsoeva ani is not meant to be utk enjoy sja. its a learning process. ur planning, decision, teamwork, survival. after all, smua rehlah before ani.. i didnt stand on my two feet. tau ikut plan yg kna bagi sja. absolute follower. everything kna provide and kna susunkn. in turkey, everyone was in the board. everyone had to take action. i really love experience sana atu. and the way we enjoyed every little small things. as simple as main asap (???) haha. as simple as mkan keropok? laughed over simple things. and everything.. im so amazed by how we really enjoyed bnda damit2 atu.. =)
just so u know.. i will miss every moment i laughed there, every steps.. the long walk.. every sights.. places.. everything tani share.. and experience.. oh and my first snow and snowball ever!! haha.. and silap mata paci teksi [wowowo].. and my 'ohhhah' paci teksi [on the way ke canyon mall].. angin yg tlampau sjuk di canyon atu pn ndaku lupa tuu.. haha.. wont even frget the food.. hehe.. and irah's turkish bath =p.. so i wont give the details di turkey. arh blog irah ada tu. =) anyway, i thought i was going to eat mcD and kebab sja for 4 days atu. but then, nyaman2 jua wh mkanannya. ayam n ikannya nothing compare to here. nyaaaman. sma menyebarang jln raya sna bisai.. nd bari tkut.. haha.. kritanya plus pmndu pn ok, taat. tpi yg nda sioknya kdai tutup awal.. mcm brunei.. midnight is midnight.. and pyah, nda byk urg pndai english.. bahasanya lain ah.. but then, wlwpun istanbul atu lawa. bisai. sistematik. modern. mcm aman. bisai lh bisai. cairo is still what feels like homey..
and.. ive seen those pics from frens yg ke matrouh and siwa.. and both places were so breath taking. lawaaaa. thats my type of paradise dunia. oh.. im just loving egypt more and more. haha.
emm.. back to school already? no worries, aku akan mnjangkn cuti sndiri.. =p
ive had a full sche holiday which was tiring. and yet- nurturing. okay not really full but full. haha. i mean, the first week i could still kuai2 plg. i had more than enough time to watch PB, heroes, gossip girl, tidur more than 12 hrs and everything. then, the 2nd week panuh tia. didnt even get enough sleep. but im telling u, the faraidh class was superb. love it. sometimes i wish kuliah pn cmatu, if i could understand things that well, siuk tu eh.
then we went to this place, hurghada. i love it there. esp motor cross ke bedouin ah. mati, sangal plg.. but i dnt mind. siok. next time i ever go there lagi, i dnt wanna miss snorkeling plg or the beach. anything about laut, i love. oh i hate the night of persmbahan- alf lailah ah. well, not that i hate. its just.. nda siok. but but, i always wanted to find gelek arab and found it there. yes! aku iski tu. haha. about makanan di bedouin lagi, i always joked about kofta with housmates.. its not that bad, to be honest nyaman plg.. but its not my favourite.. never will.. couldnt even bring myself to eat it scara natural or enjoy every bits and pieces.. kmbang liurku bh eh.. but then, ngap sja tia eh dsana tu.. throw me somewhere unknown, given desperate situations.. il eat everything, ul see every sides of me that i dnt even think ive seen before.. haha. but seriously, bnar ni.. or at least my common sense plus bits of experience tell so..
friday and sat off days. merehatkn sangal bdan. on sun, we went off to turkey. [when i typed it, feels like it sounds near and common but turkey wh!] .. and yes, turkey was lawa. if u ask me, hows turkey? i cant give u a definite answer actually. there's something missing about it.. i dnt know. maybe im not that satisfied. i want more? i dunno. it was my very first time jalan out of country like alone [with my cool darlings, but each of us pn nada experience ke turkey]. so maybe, next time we go to somewhere, we know how to plan it well. [not that plan in turkey was not ok. i just think, there must be a way to maximize it better]. ok ok, honestly how i wish i had time or usin ke other places yg jauh dri istanbul.. like pammukale, cappodocia, bahtera nabi nuh.. [ignore my sp. sorry]
if i ignore that extra desire, or the unmaximised plan.. or something i didnt get there.. i would say trip to istanbul was great.. i learned a lot. sometimes, i think rehlah or trip or whatsoeva ani is not meant to be utk enjoy sja. its a learning process. ur planning, decision, teamwork, survival. after all, smua rehlah before ani.. i didnt stand on my two feet. tau ikut plan yg kna bagi sja. absolute follower. everything kna provide and kna susunkn. in turkey, everyone was in the board. everyone had to take action. i really love experience sana atu. and the way we enjoyed every little small things. as simple as main asap (???) haha. as simple as mkan keropok? laughed over simple things. and everything.. im so amazed by how we really enjoyed bnda damit2 atu.. =)
just so u know.. i will miss every moment i laughed there, every steps.. the long walk.. every sights.. places.. everything tani share.. and experience.. oh and my first snow and snowball ever!! haha.. and silap mata paci teksi [wowowo].. and my 'ohhhah' paci teksi [on the way ke canyon mall].. angin yg tlampau sjuk di canyon atu pn ndaku lupa tuu.. haha.. wont even frget the food.. hehe.. and irah's turkish bath =p.. so i wont give the details di turkey. arh blog irah ada tu. =) anyway, i thought i was going to eat mcD and kebab sja for 4 days atu. but then, nyaman2 jua wh mkanannya. ayam n ikannya nothing compare to here. nyaaaman. sma menyebarang jln raya sna bisai.. nd bari tkut.. haha.. kritanya plus pmndu pn ok, taat. tpi yg nda sioknya kdai tutup awal.. mcm brunei.. midnight is midnight.. and pyah, nda byk urg pndai english.. bahasanya lain ah.. but then, wlwpun istanbul atu lawa. bisai. sistematik. modern. mcm aman. bisai lh bisai. cairo is still what feels like homey..
and.. ive seen those pics from frens yg ke matrouh and siwa.. and both places were so breath taking. lawaaaa. thats my type of paradise dunia. oh.. im just loving egypt more and more. haha.
emm.. back to school already? no worries, aku akan mnjangkn cuti sndiri.. =p
Sunday, February 1, 2009
protective vampires
i woke up -yg bnr2nya- at 4am. but i woke up, eyes open.. brain in reality at 1am. was trying so hard to sleep smula, but i wasted 2hrs plus gulik2 rh katil???! i slept at 7pm. PM. and i didnt get enough sleep the night before. less than 3hrs. and today, im having a class (faraidh ah) at 9am. until ptg, 4pm plus.
but my question is.. ((screaming)): why why why i couldnt get more than 6 hrs sleep at night??? man... i cant get used to sleeping at night again- yet...
if siang, no question. dont ask me how overdose my sleep is. haha. maybe im becoming a vampire's lover. among those protective vampires. siapa nah? HAHA. boh
but my question is.. ((screaming)): why why why i couldnt get more than 6 hrs sleep at night??? man... i cant get used to sleeping at night again- yet...
if siang, no question. dont ask me how overdose my sleep is. haha. maybe im becoming a vampire's lover. among those protective vampires. siapa nah? HAHA. boh
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