my.. Short diary

this time around, leaving will be hard..

When i came to love a lot more things..

When i became attached to those more things.. Became attached to a lot of people..

Batahku di brunei ani, pyah plg ni krg. Haha. Plus,im gonna be on my own,doing a completely diff thing.pray fr my survival :p

all the time im being in brunei, gotss my diary:p -

the first-second month: enjoyed learning cartoons, appreciated my relaxing slow pace life, became closer the kids, the family, wanted to be a good wife&mother more than anything else..

Second-third month: routine shocked. Reality adjustment shock. Cried leaving the cartoons kind of life. Cried, realising things... Exhausted. Down. Confused. Unhappy. Regrets..

Third-fourth month: Fell into the rythym, got used to the pattern of my life.. Sometimes down, still exhausted, still complaining.. Sometimes happy, sometimes gave up..

Fourth month: how did i fall in love with things i hated? The thought of leaving saddens me.. Or maybe its because i know i'll be leaving that makes me sad?

..when i get back, things wont be the same. Those people i became attached to, we wont be the same again.. Things will be different.. And.. Sadly, i'll forget how these days feel like.. Forget what i feel now, what i felt those days..

Plus sayang kaliah fitness yang ku pelihara2 ani. Haha. No, im not fit FIT. But i believe, i have improved a lot.. Or at least a bit.. No one's gonna push me after this, i'll have to use my own mind and will power. Tpi, i cannot stop now.. Or else, i'll start back from zero again.. Ndaku sanggupssss eh

anyways...

Just know, that i'll be missing a lot of things..

Pray.. Pray fr my success..

Pray.. Pray that my fight will be blessed..

Smoga mendapat rahmat dan keberkatan Allah.. Amin amin

i should be saving these words until the last days bfore im leaving.. But then, i better write them down while im feeling this way.. Karang ilang tu blues&sodih2 ku atu mun ditahan.. Haha

52

out of 100, maybe i only have 52 percent left of everything inside of me now. hakshaks.

skali ke blog, i keep talking about the same rantings.. i wrote down those same things earlier and said to myself..... balik2 jua eh... sama jua... :p

i dont know whats gonna happen to me in the next month.. got offers from both uni i applied to.. but whats the use.. if no money is being offered to me at the mo to pay fr the studies.. and so, i dont know whats gonna happen next.. still waiting..

if i were in a completely different path, i think i would have given up all these and choose to start my career.. but being where i am, i am not ready fr the career.. and i doubt if i'll ever be ready..

tapi sesungguhnya aku sudah banyak berhutang.... and i'll have to pay back.... with my life... hakshaks..

Allahu a'lam.. He will guide me to the right things, right path.. :)