winter - one year ago

comparison swiss 2010 and 2011.


swiss, 2010.
sunny and a little cloudy

swiss 2011- sunny and very clear


















switzerland, 2010 (afternoon). swiss left me with such good impressions...



switzerland, 2011 (very early morning). i suppose thats the same tree... i mean, the same kind of tree along the same road. hehe. somewhere around the same place ni... never thought i would ever be back to swiss! only in within a year! one of the most unexpected 'detours' of my life.. really, life can really be surprising. the journey, the course could really be unexpected... :) innALLAHa ala kulli shai-in qadeer. sungguh tidak layak jangkauan manusia utk dibandingan dgn ilmu, kuasa, iradat Allah.. :')

angles

"just because he looks like a jock, doesnt mean thats all he is" -lie to me, season 3.

awu ah, so are these:

just because some people look flawed-in a way they have a behaviour/personality that most people generally considered not 'favorable' or *insert apa sja lah yg kurang positive* doesnt mean thats all they are..

and just because some people appear to be all smart-nice-warm-friendly-'perfect' doesnt mean thats all they are..

just because people look like the way they appear, just because people look like the way they look like, doesnt mean thats all they are.

we are too often, too early to judge. too often to ignore possibilities.

well, i personally think that there always gotta be more in someone than what we thought they are.. (or the least is what we thought they are at the beginning).. be it good, be it bad.. but then, i forgot this too many times too, and then i judge.. and then i ignore possibilities.. and then.. thats what they are in my mind for a long time until i know and be hurt, until i know and be pleasantly surprised and thankful, until i know and just know.. so, i gotta always remember that people are people, people can never be exact. and who they are are maybe the dominant part of they are, doesnt mean they will always be that way.. and they will make mistakes, and while, even bad people have their good sides and they can change too. bla bla bla mnasjaa kau ih :p

klw arah tiibi kan, urg bunuh diri pakai pills, talan pills.. they often do it in the similar ways.. dorang tuang banyak2 pill atu ke tangan then talan smua skali one go-pkai aing lah ah.. but, in reality, bnar2nya wah.. tetalan kn dorang tu pill atu smua2nya? then i say, they're more likely to die from being 'choked' than overdose. hahaha. nadawh. but seriously, aku indaku tetalan tu ah.. penadol lagi kn begigit dua :p okay okay, right.. maybe i havent considered things thoroughly enough. say, people who decide to end their life themselves-as if they have their rights to do that- (na'uzubiilahi min zalik), by swallowing pills so that they are over-drugged or something.. maybe they have different psychological states, in a way that they are able to swallow the many many pills (labih spuluh pliatanku) at one go. but looking from where i am looking, from my usual psychological state, its rather hard to swallow those at one go. mun cmatu, talan tah 5 buting 5 buting kah... inda payah rampak banyak2 selajur :p okay, so what, right? like i know anything~

iatahkan... on another different note, aku dilanda kemaruk tidur. wuhu. klw kn tidur lagi ni, i know i can fall asleep easily again. although, i really am grateful for nikmat tidur. hehe. bcause u know, there would be days that i wouldnt be able to sleep and.. and.. it would be difficult and i'd wish for and miss those days that i could easily sleep.. kan? awu~

so. yea~

penguin and me?

"you know, penguin.. they spend their whole lives looking for that one other penguin, and when they meet them they know. and they spend the rest of their lives together" -never been kissed, 1999.

(havent found the exact fact though, nada arah front page google result, malasku majal. hahah)

.. so, that is probably why i have this interest arah penguin time ku damit2 kali? haha. oh, yes, when i was young.. there was this drawing/art lesson, you were asked to design/colour things pakai pisang? pakai batang pisang yang kna putung sudah... cacahkan arah water colour and kasi taruh arah lukisan atu tia.. cop cop cop, jadi drawing yg ada 'sticker' colour and shape yg designnya isi batang pisang tia.. hehe.. i used penguin as my subject. i dont know what i felt exactly during that time that i am able to remember it now? im sure i felt something, for feelings are usually that make us remember certain ordinary everyday-kind-of-things.

the penguin thing.. its.. beautiful. but even if thats what i like, thats what i choose to hold on to, i also come to believe that we can simply have feelings for a lot of people, fall in love with them and then realise theyre not the one we can and will spend the rest of our life with. what we feel is what we feel, right? we cant just deny that. but then its up to us to choose whether to let the feelings produce actions or otherwise. anyways, quoted "its a lie when you say you dont have feelings anymore-at all- for someone you've loved dearly and truly before.. just because you've found something or someone you love now, someone you love more than anything else in the world"

i mean.. because... sometimes its the mistakes that led us to the right ways.. things..

had a killer tusen today, from 8am to 2pm. handal tu ah. haha. and then i slept at 4pm to 10pm. bangun jua ku rupanya lagi ah? haha. i forgot how scary it is, it feels like, to sleep after waktu solat asar. u know sometimes waking up and gasping "siang kah sudah ni???" or.. in my case today.. mimpi-ngeri-almost-gasping. haha. the sleep was deep enough i guess, it enables us to be feeling.. 'crazy' or.. a'uzubillahi min assyaitanirrajim, i suppose. hehe.

aih, can i just have the rest of the hours 'today'-before i sleep again, watching series, dramas or movies or internet? bulih lah~

esuk tah sambung afal/ulang al-quraan and baca buku utk oral ah. negehehe. okay? okay~

and im excited for monday. ke sc jua nganya. haha. kn bjalan2 ku bh~ mngalih ku bh~

3904-one year later

3904 - one year later (approx. or two years??)

talked about the place i live in. aah well, im still here. and nothing change much

lets just say this is the extended version/continuation of "jiranku uu" post. last year atau last two years. hehe

ten: above us, lives paci hosny and family. "my name is hosny and i am an engineer" :D he seems nice, and maybe responsible.. aing dari rumahnya aritu bucur arah kami. yatah bekenalan~

sembilan: same old, same old. pretty much the same me, wasted my time every now and then. nyih. kau pulang ni? :p right. the house in front of us is still empty. indaku tau brapa tabal abuknya, indaku tau knapa ia kosong, i mean... isnt it better klw kna sewakn? reasons reasons. ada th tu bh

door yg kirinya- kiri si empty house, barely meet the paci gula-gula anymore. how's he? oh saw a woman from the house the other day, pkai el-jilbab.. and, the boy next house greeted her. mcm kamceng~ aku? inda kau mnagur boy.. :p

yg kanan to the empty house, house of the boys. they still look the same.. im even more confused, brapa org sbnrnya.. i thought three, but sometimes macam dua saja boy atu.. i dont know. and the one i said looks the youngest is still close to the little girl. like i said, he looks caring and responsible. they often greet us too when tejumpa once in a while.. saw the father too, and the sister maybe. used to remember the father's schedule.. i mean, it was like.. aku slalu tejumpa ia, say, every sunday at 8am. kiranya lah tu.. tapi lupaku sudah

the very next door to us... seem too quiet now. didnt see them much, maybe once.. or twice.. in the whole year. it makes me wonder why theyre that quiet.. visits are, i think, so rare too.. visits from their family used to be like every thurs.. but now, i dont see the kids anymore.. or hear the noise.. i.. am not sure, maybe aku yang jarang keluar time dorang ada. and when i saw the light from their kitchen the other day, i found myself smiling (?) haha. so, is this suppose to mean, i fall to the category of "menyubuk kain urg" or just a plain caring girl? ahah

ooh i know some people nearby have wireless internet name "eagels, use but dont abuse" :p

seven: the guy, he rides a Benz, a good benz. saw him twice in benz. once he wore a smart-coat attire. what does he do? what do you think? he is young and... potentially attractive.. but, i... well, i say, i think of him differently now. you know.. dont trust people's friendliness too easily kind-of-stuff? something happened. not too bad, but definitely not something to be proud of. no worries, all good all good.

six: got fellow country mate there~ girls. checked in just last year as in this is their first year there.

ground: the two bawab are actually siblings. found out last year (aah mahap ku ah, i dont really talk to them, yatah inda tau apa2 :p) and got to know their names too. kind of attractive the younger brother, when ia gundul lah.. i... am not a big fan of them though. maybe its because we have different preference of doing things. haha. and the older bro got a son. he is annoying. or was.

ground-external-front yard: kadai runcit sharif. i love this 24-hr operating market. i can get what i want anytime and easily. most things lah. mcm kadai runcit di brunei atu~ okay, this kadai.. they have three bosses. and one younger boss- i suspect the son. son salah seorang dari boss yang bertiga. and three-four workers yang kira mcm permanent lah. the workers often tukar-tukar plg.. banyak. mcm dorang ambil sapa sja yg kn kraja for the time being, klwpun sehari..

let me begin with the bosses. one, he is... gundul, wearing specs.. i think, he is a serious person.. a "formal" person i'd say.. someone yang.. ku imijin, hard-working? and the type of person yang organised? im not even close to being right. just what i imagine lah you~ didnt really have much conversation with him.. but i remember once he asked "are you going back to your country" - "yes" - "will you be back again?" and some malay words... apa ah? selamat jalan or selamat datang or something common and easy, selamat pagi kh tu, terima kasih kah.. im sure one of these ;p

second: a tall man, wearing specs.. this one is friendly, a father-like figure. i imagine he has a very good heart (dont read it as jantung yang sihat okeehhh :p), the kind of person who is very.. baik bh, mcm dermawan, yang klw versi bini bini ni, namanya lemah lembut sopan santun bebudi bahasa. nah, jgn di mijin ia lamah lambut. nooo! a person with a good heart, decent, nice, soft-spoken, polite. he teases once in a while, he jokes.. in nice ways too. he smiles often. yang pentingnya ia mcm urg baik lah~ hehe

third: no specs, ada rambut.. not small, not too big. ia ani pemarah ni. haha. or so he seem to be. oh, many many expressions that display anger or annoyed or stress. he is not even near to being soft-spoken. haha. BUT he is funny and he jokes around. and he teases- not too polite but inda jua jahat. i imagine he has a colourful personality and fun and humorous. of all three, maybe i like him the most. or the nice paci one. but this third paci is a little unpredictable, so, he is fun to watch. err maybe. haha

ngalihku eh. but now, the SON. saw him only once or twice. time ia cuti skulah kali bh. he is young. at my age, more or less. attractive. maybe thats because he has such handsome eyes - grayish eyes. eyes i dont get to see often. (sure ku original tu colour matanya ah! ;p)

then, the workers. one: the "romantic" paci. u see, thats because he talks very very lambut with you.. arah telipun pun jua (saw him answering the phone when i was there).. and he looks at you in the eye when you speak, and his eyes are always smiling. 80 percent. and he is nice, i think. maybe. two: the tall paci. nice, maybe. good looking. not a serious character. teases. banyak ckap. speak some malays. three: the old paci. aku kesian liat ia, but then, he's cool. he works okay, i suppose. four: the kumis man. emm kira-kira baru lah orang ani. 1-2 yrs. skali liat mcm biasa, mun liat malar2.. i say, he is attractive. ani inda mngacau urg ni ia ni. mangkali lah. at least not directly.

ground-external-backyard: dobi. usahasama sekumpulan laki-laki. laki-laki yang... awas. mungkin bahaya.

next to our building: apartment asgai. sbalahnya lagi, one of their quarters. and i get to hear dorang punya band in the morning~ kasi semangat itu lagu~ wlwpun inda hari2. hehe

one thing i wanna do: climb the stairs arah floor ten, see if i can get to the roof. IF sja... possibly betutup bemangga plg pintunya. just, coba lah.. malar udah kn meliat alum jua teliat

and bytheway byk jua word attractive mu ani?? ngalihku eh.

oh, and many times when i wait for the lift, i stumble upon new people. then i find myself thinking "how come ive never met this person? ive been here for... three plus years" then i count- one floor has five doors. one door has an average of five people. one building has ten floors. therefore ten floors has... approx 250 people? then, its not unusual that i havent met many of them. jadual inda sama bang~ maci~ nyihnyih ;D

emmm. well... i'll say goodbye to the building eventually. maybe someday i'd find myself wondering about these floors.. these doors.. and.. i will definitely miss this place, without doubts.. :')

*small minds discuss people! :s have i just done that?? i hope this is not really discussing people and if i feel guilty-ier later, byebye post*

panjang tu darling~ relaxx sjaa bh~

twix - not kit kat

nada papa~

ive written many words actually.. and as i read them again, i dont feel them. its like... do i mean what i say?

skali jangan tah pulang~ (and if i didnt mean them... so.. so what? haha. tidak mengganggu masyarakat jugaa. indakan? antah~ :p)

heh heh heh.

aah well, i hope this picture talked to you :)

yaaayaaayea

alhamdulillah.

dancing in the rain~~~









whats the substitute for rain, really? haha. or maybe i'll have to wait for the rain. anywhere, even if it means.. home? but, equally maybe, it'll be the equivalent and plus someday, when i get home.. its gonna be literally the rain, too. both tia.. (aah, eksen wah.. andang pun jua i have the tendency of liking the raindrops falling on my face... i actually like playing in the rain, when in the right mood and situation. hee hee. alasan kn beujan konon~)

im grateful :) -supposedly yesterday yesterday punya dancing in the rain, just posted it today. never too late, yes? hehe

F-YOU

23hrs

perfect, at the corner of exam times, i'd find myself reading some novels..... as if i havent got enough skill to waste the time.

have i really, really, really thought of what i might have missed? and lost?

preferences?

i dont think i'll be able to be at rest, at peace, for the remaining of the day.. and plus tomorrow. result is supposed to be today.. or so it was said, but we decided to wait for the sms result first before we collect, and also the internet result.. tpinya nada.. alum ada.. mun ampir tmpat collect atu, ku aga plg ni~

(what actually disturbs me is the fact that i somehow have been waiting fr this day -although parts of me wanted to deny that-, and waiting.. is not a fun thing)

you know i hate, really really hate spoilers?? (movies, books, etc), the more i dont have a clue of the ending especially, or just the storyline, the more i enjoy it. i am a fan of unpredictability.

i dont get it why people, some people LIKE (like, bukan dont mind) spoilers. not that im saying this is a bad thing. its just what we called "preferences", and i dont think we should define one preference is better than the other. so, im saying people who hate spoilers is not any better than who like them. no, its just.. equal. a balance of character. of humans. preference bh preference. haha. and so, i just dont get it. not until im in their shoes... like people who prefer black colour is no better than those who like white? things like that.

aaaa. i want a levi's jeans (actually i just want jeans plg. sluar), and more importantly, i want a guess handbag. u think if i get them now, it will be able to kill whatever nervousness or or anxiety or curiosity that im suffering? haha. naaa, if i really will get em, it will be after the next allowance.hmmmm

oh now, help me kill whatever it is that potentially makes me not relaxed. errr

pms number 111?

aih. why do girls (or only me?) still complain about pms? still whine about it many times.. after like, we are so used to pms, since for ever.. been with pms for the whole life..

i get irritated easily. i feel something in around the heart? like, upset? like, angry? for... no reason. no reason that i can find, not one i can recall.

"heart-sick" as in the friend or the group or the family of "homesick"

laziness yang upgraded sungguh levelnya... its even easier to sleep the whole day.

the fun part is, i get to eat almost anything. ada kuasa mistik yang menyucuk "passion" memasak yang nada2.. say, im craving for both bubur nasi ayam and something yang mee-mee (eg, mee basah misalnya?)... i dont have to choose you know, i dont have to wait long, i'll definitely cook both, at that instant jua. haha. i mean, good to have something to "drive" us. like, high high level of cravings here is the driver for cooking. :p

aah that is the interesting part of living in cairo, no need to really cry for cravings, for home-made-bruneian foods.. we can get almost all.. almost lah.. (plus bahan2 yang beangkut dari brunei plg..) it is so okay and.. well, i dont know.. its so fine living here.. i think if minus the food and especially the friends, i will start to think of cairo otherwise kali.. haha. but.. yeah, cairo is a huge part of me... parts that make me who i am, parts that help me grow up, parts that can be called home, too. i cant imagine not missing this place...

anyways, the pms thing that i listed above, its not always the same. its not consistent. sometimes those are there, sometimes not. sometimes it is intensified, sometimes it feels like nothing at all..

and and, by thaaaa waayy, i watched shopaholic again.. the last time, i watched it in cinema only. and i didnt enjoy it much like recently. then, i learned why.. the last time.. i was too immersed in the thoughts of "whats next? where is that part in the book, hows they gonna do it in film?" - kept on expecting something to happen... thinking, not enjoying. comparing, not enjoying. and yesterday, when i let myself free... i had fun watching and i really like the movie (i thought of it differently the last time.. hehe).. oh well, just.. be free and stop comparing and expecting so much.. then, i'll be young foghebaaaa. woho. dont you just miss rabecca bloomwood? oh i miss her..

enjoy your revision, students!

one long article-

(warning: think twice before u read this. longggg one. u might not wanna read it).. but if you're reading.. and find it hard and annoying at the small fonts, zoom in sja bebeh.. ctrl + , im saving space bah.. psalnya bida ia panjang2 ah

------
oh wow, i felt a lot after reading an article posted by a friend, on fb- on running. i was between touched and torn. and i dont even know how to describe the article! and if i start.. it'll give me back-pain ni.. so wait, i'll have my cheese-chocolate-oreo-cake first. kehkehkeh (and then i know how it goes, i'll lose whatever i felt hence resulting a slight failure in my description later. wait and see. haha)

so... the article is about this amazing world-record runner, Daniel Komen. He was a kenyan, the only man who have ever run under 8 mins for two miles (broke many other world records). Komen achieved so much, peak at this sport in only a very short span of time. but declining afterwards... and so, kind of disappeared from the sport- a world record runner who afterwards didnt even make it to some olympics... dot dot..

this article actually focuses on why this actually happened? why such an amazing racer lost his fire suddenly?

Komen grew up in poor-rural kenya area.. who had to run six miles in the morning and another six miles going back from school. skalinya dotdotdot ia pun joined the sport in europe, aaah i think i am doing this wrong.. indaku tau eh, indaku pndai kn describe.. so i am going to copy-paste part of the article sajalah.. karang mun ada yg menGoogle, kna samanku :p

(the beginning of his career) -

I don’t think he saw any limits,” Tanser says. “He knew he had a tough life and knew what he had to do to elevate himself out of that situation.”

In those days, a retired Kenyan miler named Joseph Cheshire worked informally as a talent scout for English agent Kim McDonald in Kenya. After Komen started destroying his young compatriots in training and races, Cheshire contacted McDonald and advised him to bring Komen to Europe.

(at some points in his career)

By this time Komen had discovered, as many Kenyan runners do, that the more he raced, and the better he performed, the more money he took home, and he began pressing his managers for more payday opportunities.

Komen kicked off his season with a two-mile race in Sweden on July 14, smashing Haile Gebrselassie’s world record with a time of 8:03.54. Less than a month later, on Aug. 10, Komen nearly took down another record, running 7:25.16 for 3,000m in Monaco, a scant 0.05 second shy of Noureddine Morceli’s mark.

Afterward Komen admitted he had not even known what the existing world record time was going into the race. Indeed, according to those who then surrounded him, Komen had little general understanding of records and paces and distances.

(interesting fact, i think!) -

“He didn’t really comprehend what he was doing,” Ratcliffe says. “He just ran as hard as he could. There was no barrier there.”

Alongside his hunger to escape poverty, Komen’s innocence as a runner might have been one of the most important psychological ingredients to his success.

Gaskell recalls an incident that perfectly captures Komen’s mindset toward competition. At a running club appearance in London, Komen was asked how he dealt with pre-race nervousness.

“Daniel did not understand the question,” Gaskell recalls. “It wasn’t that he didn’t understand English. He didn’t understand what it was to be nervous before a race.”

In a press conference the day before the race, Komen was typically laconic and inscrutable. Only one question got an answer of more than a few words.

“What are your tactics for the record attempt?” a reporter asked.

“A soldier does not discuss his tactics before he goes to battle,” Komen said. Truth was, he had no tactics. Never did. (Months later, when McDonald gave Komen a plan of split times for an indoor 3,000m world record attempt, Komen rejected it. “Just tell me faster or slower as [I go],” he said.

(his downfall)-

Then the slide began—almost imperceptibly at first. The first warning signs were reports from Kenya that Komen was neglecting his fall training in favor of partying and spending his money.

“Daniel, after the first year of success, was much more single-minded, and rebelled a bit against others’ advice,” Gaskell says. “He knew best.”

One day Komen casually told one of Tom Ratcliffe’s assistants, “I don’t have to train as hard anymore. I’m already here.” As if the hard work required to become the best runner in the world was like a one-and-done vaccination.

I think he became a little overconfident, maybe even arrogant,” Gaskell says. “He just found it too easy. He thought he could walk on water—that he could do great performances without having to flog himself in training.”

By 1998, Komen was the Kenyan equivalent of an American billionaire, and with that kind of money to fall back on he just couldn’t bring himself to suffer as he once had.

(in comparison with the other racer- a good and long careered one) -

“Moses Kiptanui really loved to run, loved to compete,” says Ratcliffe. “He wanted to be a great athlete. And he had a long career because of that. But I don’t know if Daniel ever had that. He enjoyed winning, he enjoyed the fame, and he enjoyed the financial success, but he didn’t love what he was doing.”

(after-effect/his current life..)

Almost four years later, nothing has changed. During a recent visit to Kenya, Tober Tanser listened politely as Komen excitedly told him that he was going to run the New York City Marathon this coming November. Asked if Komen was doing much running at the time, Tanser replied, “Not much. He needs to lose 5 kg [11 pounds], in my opinion.”

(comments-overall of his current life) -

It is natural to interpret Daniel Komen’s story as a sad tale of wasted potential—of what might have been. Unless you’re Daniel Komen.

“I’d say we’re imposing that on him,” says Bob Kennedy. “Certainly if he was an American or Western athlete you’d say his story was tragic, but he may have done something for his life back in Kenya that he never otherwise would have had the opportunity to do, and that may be more than okay with him.”

Indeed he did. Despite profligate spending at the height of his career, Komen is still a rich man by Kenyan standards. He now serves as chairman of the Keiyo North Rift Athletics Association, and as co-director of a private school with his wife, Joyce. And he remains a hero in his home country, feted everywhere he goes.

“I don’t know that he has any regrets about never going to the Olympics, or anything else,” Ratcliffe says. “I think he’s happy enough.”

my conclusion?

-i think, there are advantages and certain beauty of doing things "innocently"- not having to know the micro details of things we are doing and calculate every possibilities and list every opportunities and mistakes that might be there.. and not having to study every little things of what we are doing (not giving/thinking too much.. i mean, how about.. just do it? and something that equals to.. having faith in what we are doing.. just.. faith and no fears).. the beauty of mindset, i say?

-motivations.. we have motivations, we go far.. we have goals, we go far..

-gotta love what we do.. gotta love pursuing excellence..

-never the arrogance, no matter how good we are.. we can never walk on the water.. advices and trainings and improvements are necessary elements..

maybe you dont get it, why am i touched and torn? haha. i think.. its just kind of heart-breaking on whatever happened to this great athlete.. he could have gone much farther and successful.. and what i like most is the fact that he was a "natural" on what he was doing..you know, not having to be nervous, not having to study what he was doing.. he just did it.. he didnt think much.. im actually really impressed by naturals. always have been. but then, its his choice. he is happy now. and that, i think, would be enough.. for him. maybe. :)

-oh and more thing, i like the fact on how "naturals" are made? its the work of life.. the way we live, the way we had to face such difficult (or any other) circumstances that somehow forces us to be who we are, that make us the way who we are..

-original article was by, Matt Fitzgerald. link : http://running.competitor.com/2011/05/features/what-ever-happened-to-daniel-komen_27486


i hope no one google this and arrive here! haha.

itouch

my itouch suddenly blacked out and i couldnt turn it on again.. just right after i played some games. (ooh i was sleepy and i thought i could let it go, just wait for some minutes/hours then i'll do something.. but no, i was.. upset and about to get worried) how can i not be worried? she's just some few months young, and i had it jailbroken, i dont wanna lose those amazing applications. hehe. plus, am i going to need to fix it? where? applestore here? kaching kaching and i'll have to wait... long enough to miss her. hmmm

so, i tried plugging it in to my laptop.. yea, maybe the battery ran out and i didnt realise? well, maybe... but.. no reaction from the laptop. normally if abis battery and tetutup, it turns on automatically when charging. so whats wrong with her now?

then, thank you google! you know i love you right? haha. so i read and read the suggested solutions (other people punya complaint lah, on the same problem).. i then tried the easiest one: hold the "switch on & the home button" both at the same time for 15 secs. then it will be turned on. (i counted. exactly 15 secs! haha) and no, nothing really bad. it was just a hard restart unless it keeps on happening. if it does, then restore in the latest version of itunes. (copy-pasted. ahah)

there i was, thinking on how amazing i-products are. the impressive apple. nothing ever went wrong so far, with mine and nothing that i ever heard of, from my circle of people. no complaints. just the good things. but just now, the impression was slightly disturbed. haha. but yea, i still like i-products though. well well, it could be just my way of using it.. maybe overdose? or maybe its just a-one-time-dis-functioned? oh i better hope so :)

err nda ilang pun..

manada ilang that post. Ceh, memalukan aku sja. You owe me blogger.com!

Muahaha

ilang 2cm above head?

erghhhh yestterday i had this post up on my blogger.com.sign-in.new-post.published and now, its gone... not even on the draft! im sure its been published.. but now..? come on, its no important but what i wrote, i wrote. i hate losing it. anything. even craps.

i mean.. i can never write up an EXACT SAME thing twice.. not with the same words, the same feelings and most of all... the same enjoyment i had while writing them.

ergghhh erghhh erghhhh

okay fine. fine. fine. what was it? i only wrote about me almost get-hit by the fast-flying ball from the field next to our netball field. the ball was like 2-5-10 cm above my head, so near and so fast i could hear the sound of the wind and felt the wind of the ball. i believed i could have had three possible conditions: one. my head tanggal (or bguyang2 lunggar). two: i fainted. three: i bleed. nose bleed. head bleed. and out of those 7-10 football guys, actually only one boy shouted and warned "iqnak!" only one person cared about other's (MY) safety? hmmmph. but then, i wasnt alarmed.. because it was coming from my back and im not a very cautious person... emm not really.. and.. its in arabic. my reflexes react slowly on arabic! :p


(not important, but i want to remember this, want to remember how careless i can be. and how thankful i am that i was safe. hehe)

ofcourse i like the original post better. this one is noo fun. holding back and pouring out what felt like a memory of structured-words, instead of letting my hands float on the keyboard. eyywah. kirim salam~

2cm above head

i went to the netball yesterday... although i didnt want to. hmmm (didnt want to, pasal menyamal netball slalu inda byk urg. ahaha)

skalinya kn.. that one time, i almost-almost-almost (ertinya brabis tu:p) get hit by the fast-strong-flying ball from the guys next padang. the speed was so fast, i believed i could have had three possible conditions-if hit-, one: kepalaku tanggal (atau guyang2 lunggar) two: i fainted. kepisan. three: i bleed. nose bleed. head bleed. antam

the ball was coming from my back, so i didnt realise. trust me, i could hear the sound of the wind and even felt the wind of the ball when it was "flying" centimetres (2cm? 5cm?) above my head.

a boy shouted "iqnak!" as to warn me but, i wasnt alarmed because i couldnt be possibly cautious all the time (i didnt have eyes on my back:p) and.. well, its in arabic. my reflexes react slowly on arabic. haha.

PLUS.. only one person? out of the those seven? ten? football guys, only one person shouted and warned? only one person cared about other's (MY) safety? hmmm. hmmmph. hmm. haha. but then, im thankful it didnt hit me. i am safe. hee hee hee.

anywaysss bilikku bjurit, bjurit sampai kn bagi bteriak rasanya. bjurit sampai urg yg kn masuk pun gerenti berubah muanya ni mun ia mliat. haha. but but, i think im gonna bake myself a cake today, so... biar tia bjurit, i have cake - i dont have to scream on my room's view (mata dkaburi oleh kek. labeeeyyyhh labeyyhh) & no, no, no, i havent finished my PS, indatah ku jadi mbuat kali ni mun cemani usulnya. huhu

errrr? well? well well well~

children and dot dot dot

three top lists that i like about kids, children:

one: their honesty/innocence

two:their contagious happiness. the way they make you happy just because theyre happy. the way theyre able to change your mood from gloomy to happy.

three:the way they never fail to make you feel loved and wanted (and responsible and important). they way they turn you from feeling useless to useful.

-they dont know how to pretend, when theyre hurt.. when they feel ignored, they show it clearly, by words. by actions. when they love you, they run to you and plant you a kiss on the cheek, they hug you out of nowhere. they tell what they want, they let you know what they feel, they say it out loud whats on their mind. they tell you how beautiful or nice you are and they will tell you how ugly and mean you are when they feel so. such honesty and their ways to make you feel loved and important.. wanted.. belong..

-they answer you back innocently. they attack you with sensible questions. they answer logically, straightforward, no games no putar belit no hidden meanings. and then, with the innocence-thing they have, they make you realise a lot of things.. they inspire you..

(basically what human instincts are all about. human nature. fitrah manusia)

and then... as they grow up.. they're losing those two important qualities-honesty and innocence-.... and truthfully, i hate to see that happening. although at some points, minimising those two are essentials for survival.. if applied at the right things and times.. but still.. it's kind of sad to see when they know how to pretend, to hide, to lie (in a way you still can know its a lie, its a pretense). but you still love them the same, ofcourse.

-my little nephew is a very happy kid. sure it can be tiring to be around him, and sometimes annoying. haha. but, such a beautiful thing when for example, theyre happy because u make them happy.. you feel you have it all at that moment. and when youre down, having one blue monday... having breakfast on your own in the very early morning and then you suddenly hear someone making sound of happiness.. on his way downstairs.. singing "du du du la la la", im sure it puts some smiles on your face. their happiness is contagious. i feel like i cant find better positive attitudes somewhere else!

so.. yes, there are a lot of things that we can learn from children!

when a niece sms me, saying she misses me.. i'd be extra careful to reply. so that i wouldnt be barat sabalah, i dont want others to feel like i love one more than others, i'd say "i miss you too, and also i miss others too" but i guess its not always enough because the next thing, i would get a new sms saying "this is the other niece-mentioning her name, saying: i miss you" - haha. it wont be good enough until they get the same thing, the same treatment :) and... most people, including me... seem to.. emm, not very successful in that. its not easy to be fair and just.. but it doesnt hurt to always try :)

anyway. im putting on hold my series, si lie to me ah. it creeps into my dreams. and i was exhausted by those dreams. haha. it felt like, i was thinking while sleeping. i dont know how it made me. the scenes, the actors, the concepts were all there.. macam aku yang mendirect cerita atu. huhu. isnt sleep all about getting us away from reality? those few days, i was burdened with a phase between reality and dreams, the kind of dreams where youre the one yang menyusun critanya.. i think? ertinya tidur inda nyaman. haha. not only those few days lah, sometimes i did get some kinds of those self-directed dream jua. hehe. haih, too much movies/series i think. i'll have to limit that. one or two in a day.

one month to exam. i..... need to... emm.. to change. change the routine and get the grip-of-panic. a little. (jan panik brabis eh, menangisss ku karaaang tuuu)

so.... good luck, myself. and you all, on whatever you do!

dance in the rain

you know what? you know you know you know, if i get 7 for writing, i'l dance in the rain - if not literally, then something equivalent. (tanpa sbarang niat nazar ha.. just, self-reward). i dont feel confident at all. i am totally unsatisfied with my performance. i mean.... i set a very high expectation on myself, such high hopes... i think i need some miracles now.. i still pray for the chance to dance in the rain.

specifically i want 7 fr writing. at first, i said.. if i get 7.5 overall, i'l dance in the rain. but now that i feel differently, then i'd want to do the dancing fr different situation, i guess.

so for now, i have to let go... yes, right. right. praying and tawakkal to Allah will help :)

im tired. i wanna sleep...... inda2, i'll just sleep early. after some movies/series. hari2 jua eh mliat "tibi" ani..........

.........

aku seorang hati atau aku seorang otak? kata seorang gurindam jiwa(k), aku seorang mangsa perasaan.

what does that mean?

means, a poet in a cradle. muamuamuamu.

i feel so lazy to read read read. just woke up from my 4 hours nap. and now, lets waste some more time watching lie to me and vampire diaries. oohh bebeh~ i am sweet~ muamu :s

huuu i hope we did the test well today, and i hope we will do excellent tomorrow. amin amin. mudahan tah sharp score. amin!

trialogue

aah you should probably know by now that i have this certain "gift" of remembering dialogues... in movie/books specifically. aahaha bigali. no, no, hmm. you should know that ive been honoured with this certain "gift" of having certain degree of interest in emm 'dialogues'. whatever. haha. whatever refers to me wanting inda mau2 jua kn mau memakai the word GIFT and whatever to things that i am interested in.

(if i were to tell now what traits of repetition that i would likely find in my blog: uncertainty, doubts, confused, the opposite of confidence, freedom, happiness, learning, ahh well and i believe there are also positive traits that i am too shy to mention hahaha and things,traits i am not aware of. awu bh si joehari window tah. cmatu lah kali). 4 windows- one:what u know about yourself and others dont two:what others know and you dont. three:you both know four:you both dont know. apply here. but yeah, repetition of uncertainty, doubts, confusion and the opposite of confidence.. i think its all there bejurit, in many forms. bold and masked. yatah, sasakku bnarnya.. haha

just... this series, LIE TO ME.. i know ive always been interested in... humans, in the mysteries of humans, so i guess this drama feeds my interest. im... well, im (apakan wordnya? amused? no. antah), macam impressed tpi inda jua... amazed.. mixture of those things. i need to find the right word. mesmerised? hahaha. taken? antah. i dont agree to all thats in the story though, its like.. i think, i have this belief that human can never be exact. there will always be exception. i dont know, its just a plain-unsupported belief. personal much. even, facial expressions. yeah, there are exact face. exact description, i believe that. but in many circumstances, in my view, those faces dont work alone.. need to consider other things/factors too.. (thats what the drama shows plg, the facial expressions come in package, other things considered too) but maybe i just garam ati to the fact that: why they always come to arrive at an answer? either theyre extremely good. or.. kebetulan, like too lucky, like "slumdog millionaire" punya story? well, it reminds me of that. haha. anyway, no, im not against the drama. i like it, its just im wondering the magics of their accuracy. i just dont wanna believe it all.........

inda bh, bnrnya i wanna post up the dialogues here, while i still care. esuk2 lupa th ku karang. okay. (warning:words mighttt not be exact...)

-"is there wrinkling around her eyes when she smiled? in a fake smile, there is no eye wrinkling"

-man:"i saw what happened. i saw what was happening. u know i could see the doubt when you were standing on the bloody altar. -- woman: "everyone has doubts, everyone. at the altar, with their friends, staring at the very best thing that has ever happened to them. but that doesnt mean thats the only thing that they feel... you know, you saw every doubt, every fear, by the end.. that was all that you could see. you couldnt let go of anything"

-"when people feel genuine guilt, they always look down and away"

-"when people lie, they tend to look in the eye more because they want to see if u believe them" oh plus, dont answer to quickly.. that means, its a planned ans/lie. usually.

-"mouth shrug-classical gestural slip-it means she has no confidence in her words" also the same for the slight bahu shrug.. i think, klw inda salah. haha

-"thats a lot of anger youre showing fr the woman you dont care about. men usually reserve that kind of anger for the women they love"

okay, i am focusing on this one:
a rich man: "before i propose to nadia, i need to know if she loves me for the right reasons" - kata2 seorang kaya raya:p then when result kna found out, the girl actually lied about not knowing that he's rich before they met.... the guy was upset but actually the girl love him jua plg bnr2nya.. love him and his money. both.

expression reader: "she does love you and your money.youre lying to yourself if you think you can separate the two"

rich man: "but she lied to me"

expression reader:"why are you in love with nadia?. she's charming, she's intelligent, she's beautiful. how's her beauty any different from your money"

THERE. THERE. its just, we always think, or its just me, think, want that people need to love us fr the right reasons. but do we give what we actually take from them? do we give equally or even more than what we want from them? sometimes, they do love us fr the right reasons... but.. the odds of things being fully right, i guess is rare. very rare. so..... when people love us.. and the right reasons reach the "passing line" or far exceeding the wrong reasons.. then theyre good enough to have us. good enough to take from us.... I.. GUESS.. MAYBE.... haha

*white flag* sangal blakangku.

easier to lie

.....

to be the one,
to be the only one..

someone has to give a lot,
something has to give a lot..

and who i am to give you what you need...
when im just learning...
learning how to live..

....

and to bear the weight and push into the sky,
its easier to lie.. easier to lie..

....

and do whats right when everything is wrong,
its easier to run..

...

RRR

you realise my "blog picture" is... old? :p ive never changed it. not that i dont want to. i just never really thought of it... but, i feel like changing it. soon. haha sekhodor kau ani. you know i have three blogs? this is the latest, two of them died.. emm not exactly, one no more. one still alive, barely breathing though.

blog is kind of old and lame, but i dont care.. my hobby. aaah haa haa

the thing i like about words... and thoughts... and humans... and life.. is that, it doesnt need to have an exact answer in most parts. the parts that lie in the grey area.. between black and white. can be interpreted, can be seen in many possible ways. beautiful.

macam.. if maths, you have to find exact answers. isnt that...... hard? but ofcourse, it makes finding solution fun and satisfying.

words (language) vs maths. my teacher once told me... between the two... most people can be good in only either one. if youre good in maths, you probably are not that good in words and vice versa. -me no good in maths, average in words. good in everything else. hahaha. nadawh. i dont know what im really good at. like, REALLY good.. sigh.

hooo eh eh, one friend told me, that my "habit of being messy" is "charming" hahahaha. (first time heard:p) luckily i know the certain limit of that "charm". means not charming, CHARMING.. but something.. just something. but but.. you see, this means that sometimes people can see your flawed habit as something else. hahaha. not that its good though, i'll still have to change that part of me. just... aaah you know, even when u see how hopeless you are, how flawed you are..... there will always be a part of you that makes you, YOU... there will always be people who still can see the good parts in your bad acts.. gagaga antam. ceemattu bh, kononnya.. if applied to larger pictures.. haih. (dont get me wrong. i dont like my habit. but i come to live with it, i come to terms with it. im so used to myself that i sometimes forget how wrong and flawed i am. so used to myself that many times when i know how wrong i am, i still wasted so much time staying wrong)

baaiiidaway, bought a new shower gel yang harum, and some other hasil shopping yang boring. bukan shoppingnya yg boring, tapi hasilnya:p but, i am now excited with the new shower foam... i cant wait to use it. becali ya. atu tah pulang. haha. but, seriously. wuhu

silamat malam. tomorrow's (karang siang) gonna be my day off. half-day lah kali. half day doing nothing. its gonna be fun. im gonna rock it. :p