cis

my anger, the level of my anger nowadays worries me. nowadays are a little bit under-rated, should put something like at least fr the past 2 yrs.. maybe? more or less. or exactly nowadays.

i just... i dont know. i dont know....

today... i was angry because.... maybe i was asleep, i couldnt think properly, maybe i was scared, i hate the way it made me scared. or maybe that was just not my way of doing things.

but can you respect it, fr example, if someone refuse to let you in? or if someone refuse to give what actually belongs to them? as simple as space or a 20cents property?

can't you tell if someone decides a NO...?

and can you do something clever if its something important?? one missed-call does not seem to imply importance when one call is something u do quite usually. it was not something very important apparently, but what happened during those seconds made me think it was a first-class level puzzle, macam rumahmu angus, cmatu lah.

can you ask properly?

and me, can i respect others more? can i not be angry to just ANYONE? because of small things? perrghh

maseeem

i feel slightly bitter babyeeeh~

ada macam masam ini hati

bitter=bukan masam. Skali?



What good would wings be if you couldn't feel the wind on your face...?

K-O-L

..i've been roaming around, i was looking down at all i see,
painted faces fill the places i can't reach,

you know that i could really use somebody..
someone like you and all you know and how you speak..

off in the night while you live it up, im off to sleep..
waging wars to shake the poet and the beat..
i hope its gonna make you notice..
someone like me..
someone like me..

use somebody by kings of leon.

its so addicting right now. not like i havent heard it before. i liked it. but now that i see the video on youtube, looking into the lyrics and all.. i fell in love with the song. gotta say his voice is awesome. and the feelings that he put in the song, man.. i gotta love it. there is this feeling when im listening to the song. antah apakah. haha. ofcourse i love the lyrics too, somewhat feels deep. hehe

:)

oh la la

how one morning looks like from our front yard. eeeh yard eh.. ;p

it was like 6.30am... i woke up early, put my baju kurong on, and even the tudong... and finally said.. "ndaku jadi skulah eh".. banyak manis kn?

so i went out around the house instead.. breathing in the fresh morning air... and even recorded the sounds of birds singing, chirping.. who knows, if i will have to wait until i get old and retired to be able to do so again...

sigh. maybe i shouldnt have gone home that february :') maybe i should have stayed in geneva, get rotten inside and outside, keep wondering when i will be back to cairo......

naa, JOKING-HAHA, im glad i went back. but im missing home now...

i did nothing back at home, i was jobless, cleanly super jobless.. but maybe jobless is just my thing because its funny now that i have many things to do here.. i.. somehow feel... empty.

i wish i can simply have both lives. home here combined with home there combined with future home.

naaa, fool. whatever life i have, combined no combined... there's always a beauty in it. have i not learned anything?

i need to get back on my feet.

Alice mangmang

this picture somehow makes me think of Alice in wonderland...

if u get why, i'd say.. i would like to know u better, we have something in common! haha

the leaves, the colour.. and mangmang herself make me think of swirling leaves, spinning background, dancing mangmang.. a little bit of serenity in the cat, in the leaves, in the colour.. a little bit of fantasy in all them...

the way i see this, may not be who i am... it could be just the moment that i was in.. moments that make me think of something or moments that remind me of something.. things.. like.. that.. or could be its just the way i am.. muhuhu

aah. im here again. maybe im really bored. now that boredom keeps coming, i wonder if its really boredom that i feel? vampire cakap... they cant really define what they feel.. its all get so mixed up into hunger.. because everything becomes so intensified.. so, why don't apply to human what can be applied.. like, mine.. everything all mixed up into boredom.. teipow kau..

i realise that i care more about the cat up there, mangmang since that year when she fell sick so badly.. if u read my post about psikologi seekor kucing, then you know what im talking about.. she's the only cat that we have anyway.. and seriously i was truly touched and grateful that she recovered...

aah losing and finding meaning right....?

well.. cats... have feelings too. (and muka dorang lain-lain. u know that? hahaha out. ndaku kira. bnar kaliah...)

its been two weeks im here. and i havent settled for a bit yet!!!! help me help me...

mengail

ive always thought fishing- with beloved one- is kind of romantic... haha. laugh, but i still think it is :)

during my stay in Brunei, i took time to do that. first time ever, with friends. then with my family. well... fishing was.. awesome!

actually, this is what i dont get.. my brother is a fishing-freak.. but ive never wanted to go before, no matter how ive always interested in it. but lucky me, at least i went anyway. hehe

the entrance to "our fishing hut"..

this is one of the rezeki that i caught. i was good. wasn't i? hahha. white fish.

and of course, featuring mr crocodile...

that day that i went with my family was the first time i ever caught a fish.. it felt amazing.. i mean, what more can i wish for? having good quality time with family on that small hut was wonderful enough. and catching a fish, extra wonderful. trying new things-new fun things- is one of the things that i enjoy most. so.. wonderful is the word. :p

oh... being quiet masa mengail is a myth. hahaha.

emm and... as much as i enjoyed the experience, malasku jua kn malar2 mengail.. mengalih nyamu.. plus.. sun burn plus.. mata miyaah (psal aing masin maybe. msatu aingnya masin. i just knew that aing sungai bulih jadi tawar, bulih jadi masin. depends) and.. plus risking my life, with crocs... hahha nadawh.

anyway, i like fishing. you should bring me along one day.. or i should bring you along one day.. :)


i told you.. i think its kinda romantic....... ;P

night!

something about this picture that i like, maybe the feeling that i feel when i look at it? :)

feelings are... such gift. but mine, i can never really understand them... not even those times when i felt so low, so shaken, so confused..

not even those times when i feel like flying away, so happy, so light, so contagious..

maybe they are not meant to be understood at all.. feel it, own it, cherish it, express what should be expressed, be grateful.

yeah?

vampires said... you have to let go your feelings, dont shut them out... because once you can hurt, you can love. nya vampires...

some truth in it though, in my view, at least.

i have to wake up very early tomorrow. because i choose to sleep soon- when i have something important to do. bnar th... perangai.. "tidur dlu, esuk th mbuat. sampat ni. bngun awal sja" hoo yih.

hmmmm

i read somewhere in Mastika, an article of the title "SAKA".. you know what that means rite? something that some people pelihara... and then that thing turun arah keturunannya? anyway, in the article, the writer warned people in general to be careful, anyone could be a next of "kin" of the saka.. as in not realising their family got one.. (i dont think it would likely happen to the people around my circle. i think. i dont know). find the article if youre curious. i dont really know much about the subject...

so, the story was.. that one time, this family wanted to get rid of the saka.. so the saka requested/ordered them some things in order to get rid of it.. the writer reminded readers that such requests from saka are tricky tricks.. saka is not easy to get rid of.. so, this saka had three requests.. i dont remember all.. but two of them were filthy requests, against Islam.. but this one request is what im gonna highlite.. it was this: sedekah *certain amount of money, i think ribu2* plus baca yaasin *certain specific times*... having read that one, you know my first thought? "eh, this is not bad. it can be done. why not? it is not against the religion" -my first thought!

i forgot one fact: that was just one dirty trick. the writer reminded readers of this one important thing: anything that we do, do it with the right intention. Lillahi Ta'ala. if we follow the saka's instruction, we would have done it for the sake of it... any form of ibadah, do it lillahi taala. and i? i didnt think of that at the first glance of my reading. i am glad i was reminded. and i am sad of my first thought.

(hehehe. lain rasaku becerita pasal saka ani eh)

hmmm. and... so.. yea, im... still bored. and im such a mess.... and batisku sangal macam kn kajar2 nganya nda, the netball almost got me killed :p sangal eh, macam urg nda prnah sport EVER. haha.

and... i think im about to get addicted to purchasing uras urasan on itunes. oh no.


i hope to be able to get out of the messy me soon. (bila jua ku nda messy...)

hooo yih

look who is obsessed with chairs... no no no, these aren't all.. actually more pictures with chairs.. see, obsessed ha? haha. as long as i had fun and i didnt disturb anyone or did any wrong.. :p (assume didnt do wrong :p but... yea, who knows.. hehehe)

enough space fr you to sit beside, would you want to?

one long bench or one short girl?

right, sit properly. i just wish my lens were wider. hmmmphh. kasian :p

not even 6 am yet now. i woke up early because.... i slept so damn early too. hehehe. i thought i'd be able to adjust fast.. but one day, i'd woke up at 4am then the next day at 11am then again back to 5am.. actually no blame to time differences, its all in me. i am supposedly able to control it, looking at the hours that i woke up. no?

today, going to school &&&& ambil darah. alololo. i takut injek. haha. i would rather ride a rollercoaster over and over again. except fr one time when i had that terrible terrible stomachache/diarrhea.. it was like, come on just put that sharp thing inside me, i wanna heal fast. whether or not i was afraid, whether or not it hurt. well.... i wish i can always have those rare times, where "the drivers", "the motivators" are there. yes?

&& got a few things to deal with. i hope everything runs smoothly and i can get my things settled good and smooth.

friday night

well, i think this is cool. just because of the "moment" captured.. and of course, because its Gucci. haha :p

im bored! that is probably why mnampal sja ku di sini.....

just woke up from what is supposedly a "nap".. the 5hrs nap.. wohoho. how am i suppose to go to sleep again later? haih. bagus kau ani..

jitjit samut

emmm suffering from migraine ain't fun.... my head is a little dubdub rite now, of which i suspect is migraine.. maybe its the time of the month where the hormones are changing.. going up and down.. or maybe, something else..

sigh. i think my tolerance fr pain is getting low... addicted to drugs also known as medicine perhaps.. i mean, just having a heavy head makes me think of getting some medicine.. before this, i will let myself heal on my own- or until i couldnt take it anymore.. but now, i dont even wanna try.. haha.

even when migraine attacks at the average of once a month (or maybe twice), i still think it is painful!

(rambutku lagi barat. hahaha)

march 2011

hello hello hello, im back.. been meaning to write a lot here.. a lot.. if only i had good internet connection at home Brunei, I would have written the lotss i talked about earlier :p

so... im back in Cairo now. so far so good.. Egypt's national flag is everywhere, advertisements of the country's rebirth are inspiring.. im awed by the spirit of the egyptians and the beauty of their patriotism somwehere along in the in many ways that i see... and i think cairo is okay now.. not completely but yes, she's okay.. but... my life wouldnt be the same again.. there are things that would be different.. whats important is that, cairo is fine..

i was surprisingly happy with my stay in brunei.. it was wonderful.. i remember thinking and saying it out loud that i'd be worried and unhappy as i stay longer there.. but it turned out the other way.. despite the worries, i didnt care much.. i was happy.. the longer the stay, the more i love home.. and it made me sad, just thinking of going back.... so sad like never before.. no, nothing special during the stay.. but.. its just that.. the little things that made the ordinaries became special, thats what i felt..

but im okay, im cool. im here. and i should focus on whats here...

my sleep pattern is not good yet.. should be okay after tonite since the internet is here now.. heh heh, thank you smart group.. and forgive me fr letting out the anger.. minor one.. haha.. but why hurt the fragile hearts now.. and that made me feel guilty, a little.. i hope everything will be fine between us.. hehehe

i hope everything will be fine fr egypt and the people in general..

emm thats it. laparku eh.