Italy.Day five.Jan30

hi again!!

Venice, Italy. on gondola ride. jusssttt like in the movie ;D

went to venice today. beautiful. nda jua macam kampung aying tu!! haha. prettier i'd say.. and freezing cold!! plus ujan sikit jua. heran kali urang putih.. sajuk2 naik gondola! haha. well.. cana jua, tourist-ish kali ah. :D

banyak dugaannya kn ke venice from our place ni nyamu... train cancel lah apa lah. sajuk th lagi. oh, the hotel ani friendly tia.. ia (the father/owner kali) antarkan kmi ke nearest train station this morning. hehe. public transportation in treviso nda brapa manis eh.

tomorrow (31st jan) will be going to cortina main ais.

this is a kind of rushing-update/post pasal most of the hours aku cover on facebook and hotmail.. inbox here and there.. kridit line italy ku lagi abis. esuk bali, no worries.

as i said on facebook.. i didnt know egypt would be this bad. i am worried. i am sad. i hope they all are fine. and everything will be fine. egypt egypt dear, please be okay... be okay soon. i need you, i want you to be okay... mudahan egypt aman soon. amin amin.

moreover, whatever egypt is like now.. its my home too. ive grown up a lot there in these past 3 half years. and i only need a semester more to complete my studies. so, i pray... everything will be fine. egypt will be aman soon. amin

im telling you, its really bad there.. from the looks of it. from the news, from the info-s i got. so worrying. so surprising; kind of. you heard about it?

if you want to contact me, please reach me thru my italy line. inbox me on facebook or hotmail if u need the number. dst and vodafone ku bcabut msani. okay?

i am worried. i hope they all are okay. amin. and smuanya bjalan lancar. and egypt aman soon. amin amin ya Allah.

bh see you again! ;D

Italy.Day four.Jan29

hallo ;p

outside the hotel :D - ada mcm seram2 kah tempat ani atau ada lawa2? :p

currently in Treviso, Italy. mun kn exact sikit, di Casale.. again, at the hotel's lobby. di bilik padam2 internet-oo nya. mun cmani gayanya, hari2 ku mempost, mengupdate rh blog ani. haha. nda apa bh, sbelum nda mampu meng-internet jua, :D but but i hope, service internet di cairo lekas2 pulang kembali... hehe

so to say, today was tiring. angkat turun naik beg. i'd say one wrong train today (tpi luckily track sama and singgah rh station yg sama) plus one wrong bus. limpas tempat beranti. skali kna turun kan rh stesen minyak (jusssst like in the movie ah, urg slalu minta aga rh gas station mun testuck, etc. :p) and that was after paci bas atu potpetpotpet sikit2. haha. and then, went all the way besurung beg to station bas, tmpat branti yg bnar. kasian. then lagi, nda tcari hotel.. bulih lah mncari atu tapi jaaauuuh dari tmpat stesen.. so so, we contacted the hotel tpinya ia advised ambil taxxxiii jua.. tpi kmi karit and since sudah ampir kn ke hotel ulih kmi jalan kaki, so....... kna ambil th kmi ulih si lelakino italiano, pkai kritanya sendiri. wohoho. nah becerita jua ku tu :p

hmmm. what can i say? milan was city-metropolitan-ish-like.. cinque terre was country-side-ish very serene.. very lawa.. treviso.. emm.. macam tempat kwasan2 urg tinggal lah.. settlement area? catulah. mcm boring. haha. we chose the place bcause treviso lies in between of the two areas kmi kn aga.. tomorrow will be going to venice. yia, mengampung aing. huish. haha

hopefully esuk okay2 sja, nda sasat. no danger. no org jahat. and smuanya sanang. hehe. and and mudahan tejumpa tmpat makanan halal. :)

okay, will update again later. smpaiku langu jua bcerita ;p

Italy.Day three.Jan28

ciao. bonjour :p

Levanto, beach area-cinque terre, italy.

currently in italy. specific, in bonasola. went around the beach and area nearby today. what a beautiful beautiful place. beach with cliff-ed areas.. one of my wishlists jua lah.. ke sungai2 yg ada cliff. alhamdulillah. hehe.

and the internet is good here, at the pensione moderna. this is a little bit of cowboy plan. didnt plan to stay here initially. skali tempatnya yg lawa ani mengurat tia jua ;p so we are staying fr tonite, tomorrow jalan lagi to treviso... boring ni esuk, naik train. and turun naik tukar2 train. plus long journey. hopefully okay lah. nda sasat and mudahan selamat. amin amin

yesterday went to the city, milan area. some shopping area and bangunan2 manis. typical europe.... emm but, okay2 lah ;) oh plus the vogue-lawa-ish-cantek kadai kadai.

actually im worried fr kaa-hee-ghah missiiir.. been watching the news and getting the info from status-es sbelum fb and internet and sms kna block.. im worried fr them, worried fr the friends, worried fr myself, worried fr everyone and the place and condition itself. i pray that everyone will be fine and benda ani lakas abis. and selesai dgn baik. amin amin ya Allah.

ingauku. hw are they? what its like there now? and.. what will it be like when i get back? ffuuu. mudahan smua2nya baik2 sja. amin amin. and ofcourse, mudahan internet, fb, sms smua2 kna unblock tia soon. amin. hehe

baidaweii, im literally trembling now. sajuk eh. at the lobby and nda cukup pakaian kali aku ani. haha. sapa th suruh naah

and and this is my 2nd day without nasi. huhu. found halal kebab in milan. and some other halal places. tpi treviso nada kali.... so, i'll just survive with anything. haha. anything yg halal lah i mean. pisang.... limau.... epal.... maggi.... heheheh. ksian kn.... ;')

sooo yea, i hope we will have a safe and fun journey. and i hope my second home will be fine soon. very soon. and darling friends there are fine. and the people there in general pun fine jua. amin amin

ciao! ;p (andangnya tu eh. typical jua manusianya. mentang2 di italy, ikut2an tia teciao. bohohooo) :P

random-scattered

i i i i feel so tired. feels like eyes are half-opened now. i might even fall asleep while writing this. wooho over;p nda lah, i cant really fall asleep out of the blues tarus2. cant even tidur arah public transport mcm taxi.. kcuali lh bas yg jalan jauh, like 6hrs and kapal tayyabang. can say, aku nda pernah tdur dlm taxi langsung. *bangga th tu* haha

these 3 days, mcm brabut rasanya.. rasanya or bnarnya ndaku tau. and tidaa cukup tidur kali. starting masa exam, i slept fr like 3 straight hrs, lpas tu tbngun every one hr.. smpai th time ani tdurku nda sound straight. yatah makanya here i am on blog, rather than sleeping. so to say, exam adds the backpain. so painful, i wanted to throw up. hahahha. antam kau. lagi? my stomach nda brapa friendly, mcm ada itu gastrik2 and sakit parut "udang"- thats what i call it, psal aku sakit parut mn mkan udang. hehehe. that was yesterday and the day bfore ysterday. and later, going to kdai lagi and a friend's house skajap and packing. packing whhhh

flight is tomorrow morning. mngalihku eh. jussst like msa kn ke swiss, mngalihku bfore jln atu. hmmm so anyway, i'll be missing nasi so much. 9 hari whhh tu, mnakn cari nasi? ada kali lah sbuting tmpat tu. but still.... huhu. macam in geneva kn, i survived happily. tapi tapi atupun psal ada mkan piza and nasi nyaman tbayang2. but in luekerbad then, i began to feel it; nasi-deprivation slash real food-deprivation.... oh and the impression on luekerbad was "anikah tempatnya?? kampunggg jua. cmana kn kluar dari sini ni, mna kn dpat taxi?" it was such a beautiful place, covered with all white.. on the mountain. it is a mountain. we lived on a mountain fr 3 days;p it was a big change, went from that civilised beautiful city of geneva ke kawasan kampung be-ais like that. bukan plg kampung bnrnya, tourism area plg.. tpinya mcm iatah nganya tu kwasannya.. tetutup, mcm settlement/community yg ali2, atas bukit.. transport yg dtg ke atas pn usually bus yg angkut rmai2 urg skaligus. and that settlement, complete lah facilitiesnya fr u to spend ur days there happily. hehe. i love my trip to swiss very very very much. one thing that im proud of: never once did we ride a taxi. haahha. skadar jua eh, pengambangan jua eh;p but really, jalan arah foreign land nda pkai taxi.. with the fact nda kenal sapa2 and apa2 di sana.. that is.. quite an achievement i'd say :P *pedulikn kmbanganku.hahah*

just... have a good trip, myself and friends. i'll catch some good rest after italy. i'l have a 12hrs sleep-at least. (tho, i really really wanna have another trip to wherever inside misr after that. lets just see lah)

i think this post is so scattered, like im talking to myself while in my pre-sleeping. ahah. too much routine-like, and i know i dont really like my routine-like-post-type. but, i'l bear with this one. haha

again, safe trip!! amin

panik sikit panik byk

one short panick-stricken-ish note.

ndath ku tdur niiii. haha. byk lagi alum cover... cmana? adab pyah kn mbual tpinya. tingtingting. iatah nda th payah tdur ni? wohoho. kind of.... panick actually.. and tired.

klw adab balaghah ani ali2 bisai kali? hahah. no, i believe it is good in the way it is.

anyways. esuk abis exam!!! yahuuuu. nda sengaja teiski th ku jua nah. not as iski as last yr though. and not as tired as last yr......

LPAS ANI SHOPPING ku. lpas ani i'l treat myself many many new things. HAHA. and, im so going menyuping di milan. hahaha. and that place atas venice, the home of benetton. my benettsss. i love benetton. apa jua, abis2 tahap benetton nganya suka ku:p. but but agak2 le sis, mn ada usin jua tu. huhu. actually, nda prnah2 ku bniat "holiday" or jalan to any place specifically utk shopping. now, lets see this one.. niat ada byk mau shopping (dont expect roberto cavalli meh, not that high standard me. hahah. jn jua mijin prada), apa2 sjaaaa laaah. ah ytah, when niat i ada byk mau shop, lets see if i really do that ah. haha

bh. makin tia ku panik ni krg. i have until 830pm kn mlepak rh internet :p

bittaufiq wannajah. wal-barakah. wassaadah. amin amin

mudahan th kuat afalan ani and tjawaaab lancarr2 lurus2. amin ya Allah. smoga dpermudahkn Allah sgala urusan kami. amin.

tolak campur 1500mg paracetamol

adoii kajar2 parutku. suffered what i call a severe headache last nite/morning until like two hours ago. i dont even know if the headache is completely gone by now or nda krasahan psal the paracatemol yg ku talan helped to relieve the pain.. i really really hope abis kholis sakit kpala ku ani by now.. barat dh kali paracatemol ku talan ani.. i know paracatemol and pills are not good, but i had to take them this time.. and a few other times..

this morning, the headache woke me up.. stayed awake guling2 on bed fr at least an hour until i finally decided to take in some medicine. that was after i had like 4hrs of nda sound sleep.. psal aku ambung prasan cukup tdur kali? hehehe.

i suffer from migraine. i think. sabut migraine, ingat wani kahar:p because i asked her about headaches, my headaches.. then she explained many many kinds of headaches and i thought mine matched migraines description. that was the first time ever i came to realise that i am-i think- maybe a migraine sufferer. the headaches became more often since i came here.. prasanku lah.. yg ku sadar..

antah, this time around i dont know whats the trigger of this migraine.. and and just now i went to look up on google-resulted in wikipedia- about migraine. yes, i vomitted. yes, my stomach ada funny funny. nausea. one side headache which then belalih to the other side (i thought i felt it wrong. skali bnar panya bulih cmatu. sakit sbalah kpala dlu and stay one side sja sakit. or after one side skali jadi rata seluruh kpala ia sakit. or belalih to the other side.) i felt the symptoms before i went to bed, that was the reason i decided to sleep.. only i didnt know it was my symptom fr my migraine. now, i know better. good to know myself better. so next time, i can prepare. :P nadawhhh.. nda cali tu nyamu sakit kpala migraine ani. kawkaw you, tahap guling2. lucky those yg suffer normal headaches sja..

and migraine ku yg arini degil sikit.. i thot i will be okay after vomitting. will be okay after swallowing 1000mg paracatemol. banyaak tu:p. but still, it was throbbing. nyot nyot nyot. then thot i will be okay after getting some sleep. skali sakit masih. mkan lagi ubat migraine. now imagine brapa byk paracatemol lah ku mkan.. huhu. i hope, i will be okay after this. amin.

so, here is some bout migraine:
-lasts from 4-72hrs (something i memorised instantly :p)
-4 phase of migraine, go google.
- intensity of pain varies fr each person.
-symptoms include rasa kn muntah, muntah, beria2, fatigue, yawning, excessive sleepiness, increased urination, stiff muscles, etc.
-migraine has triggers, usualy foods, stress, hormonal change, fatigue, hunger, etc. triggers happened up to 24hrs prior headache/symptoms. however, katanya most migraines are not caused by triggers. hmm
-lpas tu ada after-effect lagi.. diff lah fr each individu, ada yg nda kna after effect ani.. effectnya mcm fatigue, "hungover", gastrointestinal syndrome, etc. bnar tuuu.
-migraine delays the emptying of stomach, therefore causing nausea and lambatnya penyerapan ubat yg dmkan orally.. ytah mangkali sakit kpalaku lambat baik ani.. and and my stomach ada goyang goyang lah.. but it was said caffeine might reverse that effect partly..
-and i think my classification of migraine usually is this one: Childhood periodic syndromes that are commonly precursors of migraine include cyclical vomiting (occasional intense periods of vomiting), abdominal migraine (abdominal pain, usually accompanied by nausea), and benign paroxysmal vertigo of childhood (occasional attacks of vertigo). and maybe yg sbuting atu, migraine without aura kali..
-pun bnar smuanya.. heh heh

but im not sure lah, im just swallowing bulat2 what i read and ASSUME. good to feel like knowing anyhow. haha. good to know whats happening to me somehow; mcm oh rupanya, oh puzzle solved:p hehe. and if u find that i sound a little "happy" on this migraine post.. you are not wrong. tpi bukan happy. aku rasa mcm AWAKE-less than hyper plg (wonder if ubat punya psal? haha), while having this goyang goyang stomach, plus im happy to finally consider myself strong enough to tolerate migraine's pain. haha. bnr kali ah:p sakit kali ah:p mudahan th nda slalu migraine ani. mun ilang abis lagi baik. amin. but if it comes, i pray that i'll always be able to stand the pain. and sabar. and redha. hehe. amin.

im wondering now, if those diarrhea, stomachaches that are accompanied by throbbing headaches that i suffered a few times before were actually migraine ah? hmm

so anyway, i hope we all are well, especially in the crucial times like exam. and of course, well and healthy and happy all the time. amin amin, ya Allah.

take care of your health!

with a background song

i feel so free.. free from misery. now i come to believe my choice. believe not to be swayed, again. come to know what to do. know what to do. i feel free.. i am able to look around, and see what i failed to see..

it feels.. calm.. serene.. i am.. happy.


all i can do is pray that my heart will always see the right thing.. and one day, if i do sway.. forgive me. one day, if i come to say how wrong i am again.. and again.. forgive my carelessness.. because.. ive learned it, no matter how much time i take, i still can be wrong... i still can make mistake.. but i, i will learn little by little however.. will always try to learn..

adik

adik, kanan, yg rambut ikal. ani masa ia muda2 daulu. now, she's seven

adik: "uncu chiikk msani blajar arah universiti kah?"

me: "awu. nanti adik mau blajar arah universiti?"

adik: "nda adik mau eh"

(eh nda mau?)

me: "nd mau? napa adik nd mau?"

adik: "adik nda suka. sma adik takut"

(ndaku ingat napa ia takut)

me: "abis tu nanti2 mn payah cari kraja, cana adik kn dpatkn duit? apakn adik mkan?"

(haiish typical respon urg tua)

adik: "adik mkan sayur sja hari2"

sayur???!! i wanted to be mad at her... but.. sayur..? sayur kah? thinking again, should i even call that "cute" then? aihh antah kau dik. mnasja kau. haha.

yg penting adik happy kn dik? haha. ive said it here, i am jealous at that carefree part of her, i know.. dont have to remind me how dangerous is that fr her, i know it well.. but, her way of thinking, i should say its.. kind of different (though dangerous).. and.. it inspired me once and i dont know, just.. i like that. maybe she will need that someday when she has grown up :) *dont use it yet dik time damit2 ani. haha* anyway, ia cmatu pun, i love her nevertheless!! :D

oh btw she doesnt like the curly part of her hair. she asked her mother to cut it short smpai ikal2nya ilang. that was like.. when she was five kali? four five lah. skali msani rambutnya slalu pindik catu2lah sja. ada ikal sikit, gunting lagi. but i love that curly hair of hers!! i think its pretty! bisai lagi, rambut yg atas kpala nda ikal. but but i love her pun jua masih~ :p

this is my problem with exam.. i tend to use my brain more.. (andanglah. smua org pun).. it becomes active.. hence so much activities going on inside. one of them is surfacing memories. other than that, thinking craps, and part of it thinking macam2 lagi. involuntary much. haha. so, i put some of them here.. just so it wont disturb me munchy munchy. mn kna suruh bagi idea mnyelesaikn masalah negara pun boleh ini. mun kna suruh mikirkn majukan ekonomi pun rasaku dapat. dorang sja yg nda sibuk2 btnya time2 ku exam ani. wohoho. bechaaaliee kau ah.

mn ku pndai melukis.. i'll throw all my brain activities in my drawing, so i can call it "art" and maybe "abstract" and that'd be super cool and and you will love me. haha


my bed is the comfiest of all! bnr ni

ekk ekk ekk

...."why is there this sound sometimes.. why do i have this sound on my violin when i play? can you hear that? that funny funny sound"


(is it because of the strings.. or the bow? something is wrong? or.. is it me? how to make it right?)



...."because you are scared. you are afraid. don't be"


(oh, it's me. now i know. oh yes, i am scared. that was it exactly. exactly. it was obvious. should have known that. should have noticed the reason. but now, i'll be brave. i'll try. i'll try)


(why did it feel like he had given me somekind of strength? why did it feel like he had faith in me? why did it feel right, just something exactly i needed to be told..)

movenpick blackberry

excuse my frequent presence :p exam.... :p

no blackberry in the pic though..

found my new favourite while in sharm. blackberry ice cream, movenpick. became a regular customer then when i got back in nasr. arah sc. so there was this one time, i went again to movenpick. then this kadai man said "blackberry!! soh?" within milisec, the other kadai man said "blackberry! soh?" almost bebaya.

then came a voice "brapa kali kn kau mkan blackberry dlm sbulan?"

haha. well, i dont know. but somehow it felt nice, the guys remembered me. i mean... at least they remembered an asian who comes to the kadai a few many times. at least, they know their customers, and that way.. customers feel good :D

(actually, i think i fixed my eyes on the blackberry or even said it with my tiny tiny voice "blackberry.." right before the men made their guess. aaaa antah. hahaha :p)

fly with me now?

you know.. im upset. upset because i was wrong in the way i (saw) this person.. (maybe)

but.. when im wrong, i cant actually be angry, or even upset.. cant blame that person in fact.. im the one who is wrong.. they do nothing but being who they are.. i just, i just didnt see it right..

i honestly thought i'd never misjudged a person. when i see goodness, then thats what they are. when i see more in their inside, then thats gotta be it... what i see gotta be what i see.. honestly thats what i believed. thought im a good judge of character.. but how.. i could actually be wrong.. (maybe. :p) *sombong perasan sungguh urg ani pcaya ia nda misjudge:p*

when ive put that much faith in someone's good sides-in spite of everything else...., it upsets me, extremeeely upset, that i.. i may be wrong.... upsets me that they may be different..

(maybe-s; because maybe i conclude too early... still a chance that i might not be wrong... or so i hope?)



and somehow it feels like, ive just obtained my freedom! congratulations!

kepayas

err.. sorry mngambil photo tnpa ijin.. ;empunya friend. ambil dari fb

i saw this photo this morning.. with the caption.. questioning, and admiring the papaya shape.. the differences of the outside and inside.. actually amazed by the Almighty Creator, Allah.

at first, i said to myself.. that is unusual? he has not seen that before?

then i realised.. me too, i didnt know there is a star in every kepayas :p, didnt know papaya is star-shaped inside..

for all this long, i am not a big fan of papaya.. kna serve.. then makan.. though we used to have the papaya tree ourselves.. (kna tabang udah prasanku.. hehe).. ..i am not a big fan of papaya, so i tend to ignore how it looks like.. i dont really look at it.. its like every other things that past my eyes every day.. (every once in a while, this papaya case ;D)

thats one reason, its not important to me.. im not a fan, so i dont really take my time to look at things that are not thaaat related to me, dont really take my time to look at things that dont interest me.. dont really take my time to look around..

second, ive always seen papaya, either in its whole form- whole shape.. balum bputung.. i.e the look from its outside dgn kulit2nya.. or when its cut half.. vertically..

if only i had seen it the other angle, the other way.. then i would have seen the star shape long ago.. if only i had paid my attention to the things around, regardless its importance and interest to me.. then maybe, i would have seen the star..

sometimes, im just amazed by my ignorance...... haha

and i think.. its amazing. i think, just the papayas, they tell us a lot.. a lot.. up to us, how to see it...


my first paper is tomorrow, good luck to me, and all!! gagarku, alum kantam afalan bacaanku ani.

ya Allah, permudahkan lah urusan kami... amin amin ya Allah..

ako ako ikaw ikaw

hmm. guess, what we say reflects our heart? slash our mood in certain certain time.. dunno. not really. honesty, is what i thought i lack of.....

(u know.. like how ur feelings are reflected by the way u play musical instrument...)

talking bout music, that one time, i remember.. my violin teacher told me how good i am at violin, as a newbie-i think he meant that way-.. he said, he was gonna make me perform in the end of semester festival. i was shocked. i refused. i made a lot of excuses.. yet, he still insisted on what he was saying.. "you cannot say no. im the one who decides. its not up to you. when they ask who will perform from my class, i will mention you" . it made me feel like it was true.. it made me want to believe him that i was good when in fact, i didnt even see myself being close to "okay"..

for i thought, the other reason he insisted was.. it would be interesting to have a non local perform.. and ofcourse, i thought he was just being sweet and did his role as a teacher-motivate the students..

but still.. i was happy.. but i didnt show how happy i was, hearing such things from him-for i never thought i could even do it properly-, that moment, i thought it was so worth it i felt like screaming yet i never even admitted i was grateful.. i didnt even want to believe him, still i dont, because i am afraid that i'd be such a fool, believing such ridiculous-untrue comments.. because im afraid to be hurt if its not true.. and some other reasons, maybe.. maybe its confidence, maybe its honesty that i lack of.. or maybe the ego is overprotective, or maybe im just scared... why cant i accept all that i feel and cherish the feelings? and let them show.. if im happy, then what i say, what i do should at least match what i feel inside... no?

sure i think complicated. when there are short cuts, i go the long road.most of the time, i am unable to put things, to put my thoughts, in simple words...... or so i think..

whenever i share my story here, whatever i write here.. i always hope that whoever reads them will be able to learn at least the tinniest bit of them.. i always hope that i will be able to learn something from all these too..

i dont really care if people read what i write.. im the one who put it up on public.. you will judge me too.. i know.. but.. im hoping, the main reason wouldnt be "fun to look at someone betraying their own privacy".. (awu eh, i sadar tu you.. revealing my stories, revealing myself.. both good and stupid sides.. if not much obvious stories puuun; tpi byk dh kali:p.. but klw nda byk yg obvious-puzzle-solved-i-know-everything punnn...at least there is a story-a privacy in each and every word;p)

but..notice i put the word "really" before care? muahaha. means, i do care, even just a bit.. otherwise, i wouldnt have mentioned it here " i dont care-i dont care"- the fact that i mentioned it, probably means that i do care.. its just.. "care is less than dont care" apakn kau aniii;p

i just hope, we both learn... and we both find sincere reasons...

ehh buang masa eh, bh slamat maju jaya ;p