(the last song)

ive read the last song and i love it.

i cried, quite badly. i saw that coming, the sad part? but i didnt expect it to make me that sad.. that touched.. until my eyes were swollen?? haha. maybe jua psal aku tarus tdur after that. but the part where breaks my heart most was when the little boy, jonah was trying to finish the window. Tlmpau mnghayati kali :p and now, there is this one part that keeps on replaying in my head (and still makes me sad), that is the prologue where it says the little boy went to the beach and workshop, a month after the sad part.

Nicholas sparks was not really my favourite. I know he is very good and super amazing. But i dont find myself excited seeing his pieces. But that might change after the last song though. Hehe. Not that i find the excitement in me, but i really like the way he presents life in different angles, in many angles. Like like.. He is wise,deep,preceptive,understanding,open minded (and somehow i got this impression that he is a quiet person) haha antam antam. And of course he is observant (all writers are.. Or at least most of them) and then they have this ability to create a character with this constant root of personality. Aah apakn, im just saying that its amazing to be able to create strong characters in their stories.

I only liked reading novels since a yr plus ago. Its.. amazing to immerse myself in the story, be in another world ive never been to, feels that close to the characters and learn many things everytime.. It feels good to see life in many different ways. Hmmmm.

If there is one major thing i learned from the last song,it is that there will always be reasons in everything that people do. Even bad ones, maybe their inner conflicts are the reasons fr everything bad they do, we just never try to understand things. One does something and we simply assume them, we criticise them without knowing why or at least trying to learn why.its just that.. We often see life, see things only in one angle, or maybe two when life itself offers more than one or two ways.

Lagi.. In being who we are, there is no guarantee that things will always be easy, that things will be right, that we will always be right. Too many times we are wrong and never even realise that we are. And that being who we are is the right thing but too often we are confused of who we really are or if not, we are just afraid to be so. To me.. "who we are" it lies in many many fine lines between life and what our actions and words. (antah eh, i dont even know what im really saying) :p

so anyway the last song is actually very much like a walk to remember. Typical of sparks, but i dont mind him being typical i guess, that what makes him good and i find its incredible, me not liking typical things but find this typical in his writings very good. Wlwpun typical tpi lawa masih.

I cant help but wonder is the movie good, as good as the novel? I actually doubt it, books are usually better. And i wonder if the movie can make me cry. Hehe. && i really really wanna listen to the piano, to "the last song" atu. Okay, i just missed the movie from cinemas. I ignored it before. Nah, skali bnr2 th ku kn mliat. Il have to watch yg dvdrip version sja ni.

Sangalku mnaip eh.


Im just a girl~ not a hero..

it starts with huu

huu. Ive written like 3 long phara-s and its not even saved on the draft. Gone like that because aku tetakan something2. Its not even very easy to blog via handphone and its not that fun when compared to laptop. I feel like my fingers, my eyes, my thoughts are not able to move freely. i wanted to say screw our wireless internet but its not fair to complain right? (and yet, with that im complaining even louder. haa haa haa) :p

so, i wanted to post about this novel ive just finished reading. Nya urg, baik jua mempost lakas2 while im this "inspired" if what im feeling now deserves to be called inspired. Wohoho, i mean, i just wanna put my feelings into words while im feeling them. Tomorrow, i might feel less and i tell u less, thats not even fair to my feelings.

(if fair is what we really need~). Nyehehe. Bh next time, as soon as i can, il rewrite "my feelings" haha. Hope i can still feel it all the same. Moreover, im kind of exhausted today (extended from yesterday, considering its morning now). It was a long day, and i didnt have enough sleep.

Nightie all! (yea morning, mnasja) :p

hit and run

now that my bad bad stomachache (okay and plus  diarrhoea) is gone, now that i have the appetite and wants and cravings to eat many many things, now that i am able to jump, scream, to laugh ( i even frgot to laugh those days), now that i am able to feel things other than aches; able to feel the hot temp outside and notice it, able to feel the non-existence-of-wireless-connection, able to let frustration creeps inside.. It hit me.. It hit me.. "what have i missed?"

Okay exam is an obvious thing. So, lets not talk about that. (not that i missed my paper, dont worry, i am no superman but i wouldnt want to miss my paper :p)

and this one thing.. I missed "jf". Thats what i call the place where i planned to do my "summer thing". Sigh, now it me that i have nothing to do during summer.. It hit me that im stranded here on summer hot days with no solid backup plans. When i say nothing solid means i am just.. kind of afraid. Chances, opportunities were right infront of me and yet i let it go. Not exactly regrets here, but not exactly not regrets either. Its like, i feel like i didnt make good decisions, i dont have good plans, i am not willing enough to do this, no will power, malas, not enough courage, not enough desire? Bla bla bla. Anyways im just saying that it makes me feel the bad me. Hmmm.

Oh if ure wondering, i actually missed jf because i didnt go there to see my result, to register if i get it..sakit wh parutku,ndaku snggup eh..huhu. And i guess, because.. aku nda kuat ati jua.. Huhu.. And maybe, i somehow believed that i can do something else? Something even better?

It hit me, "what have i missed?" apart from this, i somehow feel.. I have missed so many things.. I dont know.. I just feel that way..

But yuhu babyyyy, wake up, of course ada hikmahnya. Hehe :)

wow its been a long time since i posted via handphone. Not bad lah. (and lets talk abt my stomachache some other times. I wanna let u know what it feels like. Hehe :p)

And yahuuu two more papers sja lagi~


DON'T YOU JUST MISS ME?? :p

aku..

ngalih eh.. malas eh.. cmana ni?? haha

looking back, i must say.. i am impressed, how could i describe the light i saw distance away from our building.. i heard the dog barking and described the tiny tiny feelings i had about hearing them.. i looked outside the window, smiling.. and noticed every little thing around? it was like.. i was.. in a complete state of serenity.. so calm, so cool, so undisturbed..

it was like..i didnt care.. i didnt care of the worries i was supposed to have.. it was not- "i tried not to care"- but.. worries didnt bother me much.. how to say this? i spent my days living, not waiting, not worrying, not putting pressure on myself, not complaining.. nothing.. i just.. went thru the days.. with this open heart and mind.. and.. huu.. how to get back those feelings? (mayjune, 2009)

or is it just.. my memory exaggerates much?

just a little reminder to myself..

"...because to me, this is the "honeymoon" part of life.. siuk bnrnya wlw ada sakitnya.. someday, i might cry missing these moments.. mksudku moments jadi student.. because.. life gets scarier after that.."

i said that once, and ive always thought of studying that way, as well as in the many other ways.. and of course lah, plus the part where we must have the right intention and reasons to study & seek knowledge; this for sure is the most important one.


i hope this reminds me.. that i should enjoy every moment of being a student.. every moment of revising, having my papers.. every difficult moment, every oh-la-la-la moment.. because.. these moments might turn out to be what i am gonna appreciate most.. gonna miss most.. knowing that now.. could save me from bigger regrets.. at least might save me from "regrets of not enjoying every moment"

sekian. lets enjoy studying, enjoy revising, enjoy learning, enjoy the exam, lets enjoy everything (good) we do.. i know, deep deep deep down in our hearts we do love these right? we learn more, we know more, wiser: stronger: happier- in one way or another! :)

:p



maybe.. i hope these images give me some kind of feelings.. motivation.. serenity.. and such.. haha.. hmm.. : dont have enough time to browse better pics though. antam sja~ nyehehe :D .. at least they are good moments, good feelings. heee heee

(calm ocean. wide blue sky. high mountain. pure white. path. serene green. high mountain. sunshine. light) :p

kerang kali?

i.. kind of.. aah.. u know.. sort of.. "feeling blue~" haha :p

and.. i wanted to be here, but i have no idea? because..i'l end up saying things like.. "what should i say.. what should i post about?" should i tell u bout my sleep pattern? what happened that night when i said i wanted to sleep early and wake up early.. was it a success? hows my sleeping pattern now? emm, no, u wouldnt care enough. then, should i say about lampung? naa.. still, u wouldnt care enough. then, how am i now.. my flu/cold? same, u wouldnt care enough..why would i care whether u care or not? i guess i want u to care.. then.. what would make u care enough?

then.. u'l end up saying things like.. mngapa ia ani?? apakn te-care care ani? does she mean it? or.. boring kali ya..? girl thing.. pms maybe? love-related thing? movie-songs-related thing? homesick? tired? exam? malasku ingau, i dont care.. yea, u dont..

i.. just.. wanna say.. blues~ hahaha and then.. u'l end up feeling blue too :p eh eh, i searched these images psal "feeling blue" kan.. (out of boredom, out of tiredness okeh okeh? haha) ytah, lawa2 imagesnya.. such arts.. amazed ku, esp yg abstract.. i mean, generally lah.. abstract arts.. amazed by "how in the world are they able to put their feelings in those arts.. in those drawings.. in the abstract?" like, the drawings, they successfully convey the meanings and the feelings. emm art is such a beauty ;p (okay, although for a fact, i-am-no-good-at arts.. tpi i think i have this interest arh arts, admiration.. things like that.. hehe..)


feeling blue: feeling unwell, mainly associated with depression and unhappiness..

(i dont describe feeling blue that way though. haha. strong description i think, this one above. i meant it in a more swaying swaying way.. apanah tu? haha. antam dang~ )

when i told u i feel so, it isnt that bad, just.. not happy.. not exactly unhappy.. tired.. not motivated.. a little bit lost.. that... that feeling.. i guess.. like... slightly heavy-but-not heavy feelings inside.. because.. ... because.....

aah skip!


skali.. let me you show this:


AKU TESLIUR ANI!! aku mau yg di yayasan atu.. arh foodcourt.. yg seafood.. lupaku namanya eh.. tpi nda apa, aku paling mau yg di tamu selera.. aku mau ke sana.. aku mau ke sana.. bagus eh, last summer mcm brabis brabis sudah ku mkan kerang ani.. tpi yth yg ku paling tesliur now.. like like, last last summer aku brabis mkan ruti talur batu satu.. nah, yth yg pling ku tesliur last yr.. (err second lah, yg paling cucur tarap)... and now, this one!! kerang!! i want!! sabar!

bukan aku punya gmbar ni. dari internet lah sja..

haha: this kerang can be classified as blues as well? :p mnasja u define feeling blue lah~

be good. be happy. be motivated. be red! red kah? heh heh


when a smile of yours creeps into my mind~

i say..

i can do this; i can sleep early. and then wake up early. (okay, 12am is early u know... :p)

then.. i can be normal again. *grin grin grin*

but is 'normal' what i want? will i like this normal sleep pattern during exams?

i.. i dont know..

lets just try this. :)



for some reasons.. i feel like crying.. i don't know what the exact reasons are.. but i do know there are..

fireflies eh?

lampung ani is killing me.. like really really killing me NOW..

not that it reaches the level where it moves me to do something something about it yet plg.. antah..

yes.. this problem with the karan lately.. its so weak, and im clueless..

mnyamalku lampung ani.. kalip2 like this fr much longer, kalip2 yg skajap tarang ya dikit,skajap kabur.. it'll cause me headache.. and.. muntah ni muntah mn cmani ani.. plus.. sah, btambah degree mataku ni mun malar.. jnth malar, udah kali tia btambah lagi :s

nah ani pajah tia completely. but.. yalah, laptop and all still working.. weakly.. like the one that happened once in sem one? except this time around, its worse and.. daily lagi..

diluar rumah baik ya lampung ani. malaaar jua ku subuk jiranku yg kononnya hensem ani.. kmarin galap biliknya.. lpas tu sasak ya kali aku subuk2.. tutupnya tabuk abis2.. eeh nda paham kau ni.. bukan ku mliat kau.. tadi, baik lampungnya.. and now, galap tia biliknya.. and mliat tb ya.. kh computer tu.. hahahah.

lets see if we can hold on much longer lah..

so yea

mnyamalku. tidurku ni mn mau tidur =< (katunku nyamal plus marah)


:p

*aii, just a few secs ago.. baik tia smula lampung ani.. jnth jadi nyamal kali? if u kalip2 lagi more, that it might give me headache.. tidurku ni! (dui~ aku jua sja rugi. haha)