tomato ketchup

went to this kadai di sc (a mall here) and this man kind of approached me.. saying something like "excuse me? excuse me?" i doubted it was fr me, but lifted my head anyway.

man: "err excuse me, is this yours?"

aku: (panjangkn lihir, mn mau jua pnjng :p.. hmm.. mnakn yours ani..) looked around.. looked around, liat atas baju beampaian tadi.. thought i left something. apakn.. i looked at him, bulatkn mata (mn mau bulat jua, majal :p), ok, i looked at him with this questioning face.. one of those that says "mana?"

man: "i mean, is this your son?"

me: *silent HAH??!* i looked at the kid. *silently horrified*. then, giling2 sjaku......

man: "oh ok"

me: silent laughter

haa haa cali bang.. to begin with, did i look like a mama that day? (and just simply any other day. its an arguable statement i guess. hahah). cos u see... if i already had a son, i bet.. i wouldnt have dressed the way i dressed.. i think.. cos, maternal instincts would kick here and there so.. yea, id look more mature and.. more to a woman. haha. agree? bnr, bajuku mcm urg jalanan. bukannya ibu bukannya jua dewasa :p (i mean, at least to my imagination.. there are these pictures of "dewasa/ibu" in my imagination lah.. or from ads like that. hehehe)

thats one. second, klau ku ada udah anak pn.. would he be that "old" already? 4-5-6 like that? kihkih. okay, accepted lah. kawin muda. so, these two are my weak arguments.

third. cua kau liat bang.. muka kanak2 atu mcm urg asia kh?? haha. err or did i miss something here? mnatau aku salah liat? aku ani kaburnya bulih tahan jua.. but as far as i was concerned, mcm ndalah..

ah! atau aku ani.. anu.. anubh.. aku ani mcm urg arab kali udah muaku? hahaha :p

skali.. apakan ia (that man) ani.. behapa kn ia.. haa~ having a bad day man? or an extremely good one? :D

awubh.. closest conclusion is.. perhaps that kid was somewhere near me fr one-two-three seconds.. but, yea still... what about "is this your brother?" :p

PS: sorry bang! sorry fr looking at this "story" this way.... hehe :D




"That thing, that moment, when you're with someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to be with for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time" edited version of N-B-K :p

LOST- 2004-2010

this is a must post. not one of those- i feel like posting something and then zupzup i got here. taada posted.

warning: this post may contain spoilers bagi yg alum mliat finale LOST. and this is going to be such a longgggg post. brabis.

LOST. finally came to its finale. i'd say im so iski, curious.. like "finally my questions would be answered!! its worth it to be left clueless, questioning, curious fr all these past 6 yrs!" -6 yrs, sounds.. something big and important eh. haha

LOST was first aired in 2004; i fell in love instantly. not that i got the chance to watch every epi then, biasalah hostelite.. but i managed to catch up.. adath marathonnya tia and my bro bought the dvd, etc2.. im just trying to say... ive been with lost since that long.. i grow up with lost! haha :p

but.. i did give up with lost msa season 3.. the mystery, the questions, the curiosity, things i did not understand were just too much.. i was tired of waiting and questioning i guess, pyah wh kn catch up at that time.. to find time to watch, to find sourcesnya lagi.. hmm mcm2 tia. tpi aku sasak lah msatu jua. so, i stopped.

when i was in second yr of uni or was it first yr? antah but (2008-2009), i started watching LOST again. of course.. i fell in love again. this time around, i wont give up. byk masa, snang kn cari epi2 nya. so that means, at that time.. i missed one season of LOST lah. missed one yr before i finally caught up again with the latest season. missed season 4 kn? so, i can only say, i spent 5 yrs of my life with LOST. right? haha

LOST is the greatest series ive ever watched. one of the most brilliant stories ever made. different plot, unique way of story-telling. i love the mystery in it. the curiosity it gives. the way it makes me question everything. the way it being unpredictable. i just love... everything. i hate the fact that i dont usually get answers, but.. maybe thats one of the why-s i love lost jua. aah love is a mystery bh. hahaha

watching the finale.. i had doubts. would they able to answer everything in only two hrs? hmm. aah antam sja. i know, they would. i know lost will always be the best. i know i will always love lost. i will always remember how it makes me feel. waah serious. bnr eh :p

skali... msa liat finale.. critanya was sad u know, all the flashbacks before their eyes.. the so many things they have been thru together... except.. it didnt make me feel that much sadness inside.. nda tmbus that deep lah.. haha.. because.. msa liat atu, i have some kind of expectations lah.. and theories everywhere.. i have my own assumptions.. and guess what?? having something like this in my mind actually killed me! i was wrong. and being wrong, i didnt feel the right feelings. haha

i didnt feel the right feelings because the ending was just... so different from what i expected. yatah, lost is very good at being unpredictable. i said to myself "haa haa cali cali.. anikh endingnya?".. why and why and why was there no answers??? even if there were answers, they weren't enough baby.. mcm "apakn niiii??" .. is this what i spent my six yrs for? (5yrs in my case :p) .. right, i was curious that day in 2004 but i believed that it'll worth it. someday.. i'l get the answers. answers fr everything. if not all, then whatever answers that'll satisfy me. i believed. i believed.. i believed..

when i finished watching the ending.. i felt this kind of rebel inside.. this kind of anger.. "is this what lost all about" - "ani? anikh?" - "6 yrs, and... the ending is just like this?" - "sasakku!!" - "nda pn ku paham" yes, utakku nda ckup urat utk setanding dgn LOST, nda cukup urat utk memahami LOST. haha. almost hated lost that instant. i thought, its not worth it. no, not worth. but.. how can i hate lost, after all these yrs of "this strong feelings" ive always had fr lost.. fr all the good things ive said about this series.. fr it being rated as my top series.. fr all the time i spent fr lost.. fr everything good i had fr lost.. i can never hate lost.. no. no. but.. truth be told, i hate the ending. i hate it fr not giving all the explanations. but.. in my general view, if asked, i'd say.. yes i do love lost.

(biar th endingnya cmatu, biar th critanya atu mngarut mcm.. mcm.. it gives the impression of "adakah cmani.. apakn.." but how can i frget just how much i liked-like LOST????)

skali, ndaku faham wh endingnya ah. nda faham ending, skali lost in LOST th ku jua. then, lucky that i know this good site named GOOGLE?? haha. ytah, byk discussions, explanations, reviews.. etc.. i wont be surprised if LOST lost its fan instantly, just because of its ending... i mean, its easy to hate things because of one tragedy, u know.. its easy to hate things because of a mistake.. its easy to hate people u love because they make one mistake that u really really hate, u forget a hundred yr old friendship because they betrayed u..

but.. in my case of LOST.. i forgive them fr doing this small betrayal to me.. haha.. i mean.. how can i hate it fr this one mistake? again, how can i frget just how much i liked-like LOST?

reading the explanations, discussions, reviews.. sajuk jua atiku byk2. i understand better now.. rupanya cali eh critanya ani.. cali until "i wanted to say crap" but no crap crap arah lost :p i think.. they use some kind of philosophy atau belief of something2 bh arah crita ani.. about life, death, afterlife, rebirth. nah kn mngarutkn? astaga

but looking at its good side, lost is more than lost.. there is life in the story. life, friendship, love, soul, faith, regrets, goodness and badness in the world.. earth, science, and well.. lost is deep and larger than just a story (be it in both good and bad ways).

http://screenrant.com/lost-finale-explanation-kofi-61464/ (link fr lost-explanations)

oh yes, when i see die-hard fans of lost making their reviews, explanations etc.. i feel like "wah. aku ani alum layak kn ngakun pminat lost" abis wh drg pisi2 crita ah, and amazing they have such great minds.. and good explanations.. bisai lah..

wah wah such a long long post. nda apa, my tribute to LOST. wahaha.

conclusion, no matter jahatnya lost.. kurangnya lost.. i still put it on my no.1 series show. :)

and, just fr the note. when i say i love lost.. even after i see the mngarut-ness in the story, about the philosophy and belief i suspected about? dont get me wrong.. i love lost because of the mystery in it, the island, the time travel, etc.. like i said, the curiosity, the questions, the format of story-telling.. the "idea" in it.. everything i told u before, just excluding yg mngarut ani. atu aku pun sasak tu eh. adakh cmatu tia plg. mn nada tu bnda atu pn msih lawa wh lost atu. msih jua ia dpat convey pointnya psal conflicts in life atu tu. huhu (nyehe, tell that to jj abrams and the geng, damon lindelof and the geng, jack bender and the geng) :P


"we all need each other; you're not alone. they all need you, you need them"

errr..

maybe... i dont.. get inspired whenever i got flu.. or.. unwell? haha :p

still unwell, but okay.. i can cope.. major problem is just malas, biasa jua tu.. what is more productive than last minutes preparations? huu huu. it feels wrong but....

so to say, i can cope with the ingus & leher etc, i think the worst part is when we got the signs of damam? and.. every time we wake up.. and time makan! yes yes. at least, thats what i feel.. i think..

emm. so these past few days.. ive been going to these places to organise my summer days.. sometimes siuk jua ke new places ani.. fr the experience lah.. and the way it is so refreshing? refreshing kah~ but scary at times.. i dont really like new places plg.. emm rephrase, i dont like new-formal-places.. mcm offices.. mcm skulah.. klw tmpat jalan2, i like~ hehe.

ssoo many things to say, yet i dont really know where to start, how to put everything in words, where to put where.. so il just stop here fr now?


:)

be good. sleep well. do great. be happy.

i shouldnt have been proud of my "amazing-ness" last nite.. or should i say, tadi pagi.

to put it in a good way "aku exam smpai damam2!". that sounds a lot better.. tpi.. mnada, lpas exam atu aku sndiri yg cari masalah.. siapa th suruh nda tidur lpas atu :(

now, i dont feel good. a slight barat kpala, sakit lihir sikit, sangal sana sini.. u know.. that kind of stuff that makes u think of vitamin c and drink a lot of water?

i never take this line seriously "exam exam jua, tpi kesihatan jaga. jgn slalu tidur ahir" i mean, because.. i just did not care enough.. i thought i am so far so good with my sleep.. though i dont usually get enough sleep the day before i have every paper.. like a max of 4hrs.. (and less..) but.. then abis exam aku tidur lagi kjap.. bngun.. and then sleep lagi fr at least 9hrs (8hrs pn bulih lah).. i know i know aku trok :( i realise now i should take sleep matters seriously. what i usually do is just... unbalanced i guess. comfortable but nda balance. bh lets just see lah.. but, yes, sleep matters highlighted! :p

hehhehe boh.

mudahan th nda jdi damam. amin. u too, take care of ur health. be good. sleep well. do great. be happy. u out there whoever terrrbaca this line. u out there my family, friends, u out there i know, u out there strangers. :)

zzzzz

okay. i find this amazing. u ready?

i only slept fr 8 hrs out of... emm.. 48hrs plus!!! entah, not sure brpa jam. but.. i only slept fr a total of (plus minus) 8hrs utk dua hari!! nda amazing kn tu utk AKU? haha. and it wasnt even a straight 8 hrs!! 3 plus 3 plus 2? i just... wanna write this, save this, here. so that i'l remember that i can be amazing too! haha :p *skadar plg~ nyehehe*

done with oral, Alhamdulillah. rasanya... mcm abis exam yg bbnr! huhu.

then went to sc, spent my time there... fr 9hrs!! 9hrs and did not really do anything. banar. went mkan, cuci mata liat kdai, ezone, mkan yg mengupi, spinneys. kan.. kan.. nada papakn? yet.. we were there fr 9hrs! bhapa kn tu bnrnya? hmmm. (if u want to say this is amazing, say it say it!) haha

and.. channing tatum! his characters in movies (that i watched; step up and she's the man) are interesting. interesting as in "arent cold people interesting though?-post jiranku uu, bertarikh sekian2" haha. i mean, i just watched she's the man tadi, yg full version. dulu bubus2. didnt realise he was there! and.. i think, his character sana is absolutely one of my favvy (ah parts of it lah. nda smua).

now, i better go to sleep before i throw up-possibly. haha. tpi mkan pop mee kali dlu bisai.

selamat malam~ tidur lah~ (biar tia malam, at least malam to me! hehe)

:)


i'm just another girl, blinded by a smile~

wu~ooo~

>>> : u r so far away-otherwise would have taken u to kfc!!!! Never mind, wen u r back I will treat u. u r right I am still teaching 2 + 2=3 !!!! sometimes it is 5 !!! The day I get 4 I will retire.


this is part of my conv with.. emm yea, with this teacher. hehe. i like the bolded part atu.. it just shows how students, many many students never really get maths right! haha. shows how hard it is to teach maths. me too lah, never really good at it. not even close to 'okay'. mun kan dpkir2kan aku ani, sakit kpala cigu kali :p ...huhu terima kasih cigu2 skalian :)


i guess... i like spending my time, my precious time here. ive always thought that going here, doing this, posting something here... wastes my time. but.. what can i do, i told u.. i guess i like spending my time here.. i guess, a part of me is happy doing this.. i guess, being here helps me in a way.. mangkali.. mnatau ilang ngalih, mnatau ilang stressku mempost ani :D

tapi.. i think, mcm there's too much of me here tia jua.. even me, myself could get tired of myself, of me being here. nda? couldnt u? wouldnt u? arent u? no please..... haha :p

aaa... aaaaku bh, so looking forward to the end of oral. nyehehe. maafkan aku~ jika aku didapati khilaf dgn kesukaan, ktidaksukaan, kemahuan, ketidakmahuan diri sndiri~ aku juga manusia yg bisa brubah2~ :p

and when i said aku kekurangan perasaan (psal this oral).. i guess, i was not really right about that.. i see now udah btmbah2 prasaan ani.. hahaha. goodluck me, goodluck all! bittaufiq wannajah :)


hello world.. would u listen.. would u listen..

be strong..

i was on my way to school that day.. when i saw this car.. (err can say arah workshop lah).. this car, its so broken.. crushed here and there.. and that made me wonder "is the owner willing to repair this? or.. will he just leave the car there? jual kah.. apa kh.. and if decides to repair, how much will it cost him?" okay, there is this insurance thing.. but.. thinking again.. "but fr the mean time, what will he use fr transportation? who, what, how will he fetch his children? is he suffering from this? from his car being broken?"

to think of it this way, to think of it in its bigger picture.. how many many more less fortunate ones out there? struggling with life, with strength, with everything that we never really know?

and.. see how much we complain on every small little thing everyday? how is it that we are not grateful fr what we have? let us be grateful on every little thing we have, fr every bless, happiness and all. maritah sama2 blajar besyukur. i hope to do so, to be one grateful manusia. manusia besyukur. no matter how hard life gets on me, no matter how scary life is. (& manusia bersabar). amin. amin

biasalah manusia.. nda nampak nikmat yg ada, sudahnya ilang baruth nampak.. :) me, included of course.

there are nights, we sleep.. while others.. they weep.. with regrets; repent.. be strong..

&& on the other note, yahu yahu done with oral, tpi baru sbuting :p alhamdulillah. tpi tpi, i feel kind of weird.. its like, i dont feel much inside; ktiadaan prasaan ini sungguh mnakutkan aku.. huhu.. mudahan th next subjects dpermudahkan jua, amin Ya Rabb.


*yes yes. see see, my posts reached (12) udah fr this month, tnpa rasa kterrpaakksaaan* :D

hidupmu hidupku

Bening matamu
Pancarkan kesedihan
Tak pernah terlihat
Selama ini...

i keep listening to this song lately.. no particular reason (honestly. haha :p).. i like it, what i love the most is the part where ia beteriak. "sungguh mati aku tidak bisa mninggalkan DIAAAA~" that part. haha

and also this song,

cause its us against the world
u and me against them all
if u listen to these words
know that we are standing tall
i wont ever see a day that
i wont catch you when you fall..

(and i want you to catch me too when i fall..)

:D

i like this song, i mean keep listening to this song tapinya ever since aku baca this novel "home again".. i think lah, ndaku brapa ingat. kihkih :p


nda... sbenarnya kn.. aku oral esuk.. and.. not feeling "something strong" now actually scares me. its better to feel kabak2 awal, to worry, i think, cause in a way i can channel the energy into something good, hopefully. .. but.. antah, i dunno if its the 'play mode' that i have recently.. because fr a fact, im not even ready!! believe me believe me. mcm main2.. mcm sukur2 sja.. mcm nda ckup prasaan...; oh this part really scares me. mun esuk tia ku kabak2, so kabak2 that i feel so breathless, cana? huhuhu na'uzubillah.

sanang kali bh soalannya esuk. snang jua mnjwab. amin amin amin. semoga urusan tani dpermudahkan Allah. amin Ya Rabb.

damon again

vampire diaries season 1 abis :(

emm okay, i kind of.. love the season finale.. but.. awu plg, biasalah ending slalu ada mystery2.. leaving u with questions and curiosity...

BUT why is katherine in the picture!!! napa tia ada.. ive always wanted her to appear plg, i wanna see what would it be like if katherine ada.. should be interesting... tapi... antah.... antah.. antah... (got no one to talk to about VD now, as in now! smua urg yg liat VD busy and i dont wanna disturb. ceh :p)

maybe... fr one little fact... i hate the part where si damon sma si katherine atu... i want damon to be with elena, bkn katherine..... and i was... bah, kind of disappointed... aku iski jua, klw katherine REappear, who would damon choose? but... then, awal2 scene yg katherine appear atu bari sasak... not a good start... i mean i hate katherine fr that.. and i hate damon fr not knowing... (err mna ia tau kn? i think!)

now i have to wait fr next season!!! huhuhuhu

okay. damon... damon..



bh mngafal th bisai kali.

bittaufiq wannajah :)

maybe..

because.. maybe.. i have my reasons..

but reasons and excuses seem to confuse me..

what if.. i am only making up those reasons because i wanna have reasons..

because i want reasons for everything..

maybe then i can blame those reasons..

maybe then those reasons will help cover up mistakes..

maybe then with those reasons i wont feel bad..

but then again.. what if the reasons are true? are right?

oh.. u tell me

im just a confused little girl...


(hmm but all in all, id like to think that.. yes, i have my reasons!)



"if i have to.. i would put myself right beside u.. so let me ask, would u like that.. would u like that.." -diary of jane

hmmmm

what are the odds?

what are the odds?

what are the odds?

what are the odds?

:(

wake up~

it was a wake up call!

i mean literally wake up call.. naaawh, a call that wakes u up :p

*bunyi tlipun. angkat*

silence..
>> : "hello"

aku : "hello"

>> : "tidur?"

aku : "awu"

>> : "tengahari sudah ni!" what?! checked jamku earlier.. it was 10 plus am...

aku : "nda. masih jua pagi.." apa.. like the other person didnt know it was still pagi! haiya. she meant to say 'late pagi-tengahari' equals to AHIR JUA BANGUN!

>> : "apa??!!" emosi plus sarcastic dikit

aku : "nada. aku baru tidur pagi tadi"

AND here is the real 'deep' wake up call.. my last line leads me to questioning myself 'kalau pagi baru tidur. how well did i spend my hours smpai mnyubuh2 ke pagi apa nda tdur ani?' and my answer? :(

so wake up call? haiya. rajin th rajin th rajin th.

mudahan tani smua najah cemerlang. fil imtihan, fiddin, fiddunia wal akhirah. amin. :)

and im super super tired. i feel weak, due to mkanan kurang power sma yes, lack of sleep and rest. me to blame. me to blame. and this type of kengalihan... is the one that makes it hard fr me to sleep lpas atu... the type of tiredness that reminds me of having caffeine inside.. jdinya.. jdi kmarahan rh diri sndiri. no good.

tut tut tut. aku mau mkan and then sleep. 11 hrs! :p

oh boy..

i cant help it but post something here!!! haha. i loveee lovee epi 21! as much as i love epi 17, or more. tpi.. rmai urg suka epi 19? aku.. sdang sja. hehe

"u really think i came here alone?" isobel.
"u really think i came here alone?" elena.

"u do not come into my town, threaten people i care about.. going after elena-- bad move" damon

".... i dont believe it, not fr a second" the whole conv plg, alaric.

and plus this one?

".. oh ure a ****, u kill people. but i can still see something human in u" alaric

eh siuk tia alaric ani udhnya bkwan sma damon. i love epi 21 fr so many reasons. nyehehe. adventurenya, infonya, sweetnya, etc2

i love damon, in the way he cares about elena (so far).. the way he seemed to let go off katherine; his 100 yrs plus plus katherine.. which i assume, because of elena and andang si kat atu jahat. or or.. seemed is seemed and im just assuming? but i loveee the way he seemed to choose elena over katherine. :p (present or past tense bnrnya? pffttt. i put 'cares' because its still going on, seemed because it already happened. hahaha. maap eh,ndaku tau)

here, me, officially choosing damon over all the characters in the series. this means, fr the bad, fr the good damon.. il be on his side! including boipren si elena lah.. tpksa ku sokong si damon. haha. (took me a long time u know, to be really sure which side i go for, who i really like? hmm. i mean SURE.. hmm. my bad. is it bad? hmm lgi.)

its easy to fall in love with damon's character. easier to keep falling in love even. haha

how can u not love this series? haha (tpi, lost plg msih numbur satu. lama udh ku pelihara tu. plus.. no series beats lost yet~)

hai kau!

hai..

gigiku ada 28 bilah-batang nganya! tpi biar tia (psal urg ckap sakit tu mn gigi blakang2 atu tumbuh)

hai..

kau, namamu siapa? @_@

%$#@&$%

ngalihku eh. for no good reason. seriously. in whatever ways i spent my time, nda jua layak kn ngalih ani. i even slept fr 11hrs last nite :D

and i miss a lot of things. like.. waking up in the morning, having no solid important plan. go to kdai, minum kupi. then right after that go to another kdai, minum lgi kupi. then hours after that scream to the world "i hate caffeine!!!"

i.. miss.. a lot more. a lot..

i even miss the younger me! versus the younger them-s. not exactly childhood.. things.. here and there..

a lot...

to be continued.. if not here, then u know where to find me! ;)

sukaku bh

aah opposite poles attracted. fact!

problem is I (I, ME) dont know how these poles feel. what do the magnets feel being attracted to each other. are they struggling in being attracted? struggling to maintain the energy? struggling with the differences?

or.. are they enjoying every moment of attraction? does it hurt, being attracted like that when they're so opposites? or.... do they feel like.. they are completed by each other.. they fill in whats not there in the other..

or maybe theyre not that different at all?

whats that in the book of "law of attraction" haha tarus2. na, not related at all, aku teingat buku ani sja. bought it 2 yrs ago.. tpi aku alum baca... woho. i think its about priorities in life kali?? nda tau.. klw salah, dont quote me on this. nyeh. :p

AND. who am i to talk about poles? about magnets? what do i know? its just the fact that people (including me) sometimes use this statement "opposite poles attracted" :(

i was just saying sesuka ati. i know they are good reasons in them being attracted. when alam shows it like that, there must be something good that we can learn from.


"your problem is that...... u only see the obvious"

when you say nothing at all...

i dont like looking forward to something something, to someday someday..

yes, the feeling is yahu yahu yiha.. or, huhu huhu but.. point is, id spend my days waiting.. not living.

when i decide to live in every moment.. to enjoy every little thing.. to appreciate every ounce of life and breath.. to listen to every small tiny details around me.. to smile, to laugh, to sing, id feel that kind of happiness like.. like.. there's no worry in the world. but then, that time.. i can count! i think. so yes, i miss that...

let us be the kids who worry nothing, who believe in everyone and everything, who keep on trying, who appreciate every little thing, whose heart are so pure and loving.. (bukan kah itu fitrah yg sbenarnya ada dalam diri kita tapi ditutup oleh hitam hitam kehidupan? emm. seh. )

bla bla bla


btw.. im not looking forward to anything.. boring.. ngehngeh.. its.. the.. exam, reminds me of "looking forward..."

antah....

zupzupzup

Don't confuse

time with money..

money with success..

success with happiness..

happiness with contribution to the world..

-Robert K.Cooper-

petak petak

i woke up today with that kind of feeling yg.. yg.. ..... (censored). then i feel... .... (censored). i needed some sleep.

and now.... ..... .

i wanna sleep fr 12 hrs.... at least.

:p