dec, 31. 2010. blink blink

i slept the whole day (day, day-with-sunlight) bukan malam:p and ofcourse, mkan,kejamban,etc. whats the price of being able to brilliantly spend your whole day sleeping? nah~ ktinggalan bukumu~ nah~ takut th kau~ start th ku takut dh sikit :s huhu. bh mlm ani lh... ah? ah? mudahan sja. hehehe

have i told u, i hate people underestimating someone else? oh maybe i do that too. maybe. but at least i always try not to for i hate underestimation. plus, dont do that obviously bebeh. dont. im warning you!! (;p)

anyway, talking about "underestimating", people tend to do this to us here. i mean, when it usually comes to money matter-shopping and stuff. why? psal kmi mcm kanak2 or psal kmi foreigner? or psal aku bida? hahaha. whateves. tpi kdg2 tsinggung jua hatingku yg baku lagi jahat ani :s

you know.. those times.. when people ignored you and even laughed at you.. those eyes laughed too.. i always thought those are mean.. worse, for instance, two days ago.. this paci said-when i pointed to this certain thing.. he said "you? you no"

me "why?"

paci "bcause this costs *certain certain money*"

skali? knapa kn.. did he has to be blunt about his reason? no other nicer way? hmm. nasib moodku baik. nasib ia ani nda behchey. nasib i thought i see more honesty in the way he said it than mean-ness or laughters......

nda drg prnah mbaca blink kh? nya malcolm nya, ada pnjual krita ani success psal.. psal he kind of use his blink.. but, in the way that he never underestimate any customer. say, a young boy approaches one krita and seems interested.. this pnjual krita would treat the boy nicely and SELL.. he said, who knows.. the boy mite come again later with his rich parents.. -and whatever is equivalent to that situation- and most of the time.. he was right.. i didnt read it deeply plg, just skali imbas. but u see malcolm's point of view rite? and my point is just.. dont underestimate... anyone.. anything..

hmmmphh. oh, i wanna write down what i like so far-things ive done.. or rather, i could write up my regrets? haha. just to wrap up my posts for 2010. but seeing my plan fr tonight, i guess i have little time;p so, lets just see lah.

happy birthday pajil AAE!

so.. its the 28th december again. the twenty fourth 28th dec for this girl..

with her presents, dari eyan-el-tunang beliau;p (actually plus one more barang and a note;D)

didn't greet her properly on facebook or face to face..

fb bcause its too overwhelming. i might doubt my sincerity :p haha. aku bubut 8.10am brunei, so im not that fast in typing-within that minute, i only managed to say a short "selamat hari lahir" (not that i remembered she was born at 8.10am, she just ter-told me, like an hour bfore that! :p)

face to face, i only said happy birthday.. i thought it might be a little bit gay-ish to say what im about to say here? hahaha. naa. she was busy :p

nothing is gay-ish when its about whats coming from one's heart. nothing is gay-ish if its about sincerity and stuff stuff. good feelings are pure, meant to be shown and known. no? (look who's talkingggg.haha)

*please notice that im tryyyyinng to show that i am SINCERE. hahhah*

awu wh, i just wanna greet her here, for my blog is one of my favourite things. and i remember, she went some-many ways to greet me during my 23rd. thanks ;p oh oh plus, she reads my blog --- a few times. haha

so anyway, as i was saying, my blog is one of my favourite things. and she is one of the closest people to me; whose friendship i treasure :) but still.. life works in the way that somehow many many years later we might not even talk the way we talked today or yesterday or days before.. so, yea while we are what we are today, while the friendship is still what i feel like it is today, i would like to be reminded of that someday.. not that i dont trust my memory;p but, i think it'd feel good to be reminded by this little favourite space of mine.. so here im saying..

happy birthday Fahzilleana Emey Ahmad,
stay beautiful and young at heart:p

(not forget to mention, mudahan sihat sejahtera, bahagia sma smua yg tersayangnya, panjang umur, murah rezeki; KAYA:p, amin)

mudahan dipermudahkn Allah segala urusannya, diberkati Allah hidupnya, bejaya, bahagia dunia akhirat. amin amin.


thanks fr the friendship, and like i said before.. thanks fr being there whenever needed (and not needed:p)... thanks.. :)


selamat hari lahir~~

(yesterday)

aah backpain backpain. sit for too long, watching secret garden. everyone i know who watches whis drama has good review on it. so, why left behind? haha. plus, good to have something to watch. nyehehe. well, im addicted. though might not be a top list. its a good drama. has some differences in the story and... whats inside the story. quite difficult to catch up with the script (both script and translation, i mean. hehe). to me, not that easy to understand the characters, their script, the message.. exactly and fully. it makes me think. the drama, the drama, the character make me think. and i like that. maybe thats the reason of reasons, me watching and maybe liking the drama. maybe. plus the sweet sweet parts, the humours and stuff, of course......

anyway. im here, because i wanna write down this something i felt earlier today. emm while i still remember. so that-as i always said- i will remember this, and could be a good reminder someday.

i dont know how to put it in words, really. but i was thinking, there were days when i learned something.. there were things that i realised.. moments that went deep in the heart.. they were all so deep that i was so grateful.. but not deep enough that they lasted for only such a short time? not deep enough that theyre forgotten.. i learn and i forget.. sad.. such a loss..

and today, i thought i saw this.. "i was lost for so long. then i found myself in the little things" ;and somehow its likely that i'll lose my ways again. it scares me seeing its so easy to never make it home. seeing the possibility scared me.weak uh? that is a sum up for today.

it felt... so heartbreaking.. yet inspiring..

kohok kohok

too many times..

when its winter, we long for summer..
when its summer, we wish for winter..

klw nya ada nda dhargai,
klw nya ilang dicari2..

manusia jua bnr.. ehhh, nda? ;p

when will we ever be appreciative enough, when will we ever be thankful enough, when will we ever be wise enough?

when will we ever learn....?


you might change the 'we' to 'i'.. more fair like that ;p except, me.. i dont really apply myself to the winter-summer part.. bcause i dont really have much problems and complains bout that.. i enjoy both and all seasons.. but.. can apply to many many many other things bah.. sad bebeh sad..


the price of a meaning.... do we have to lose?


(aih it feels so good to just curl up on the bed.. warmed by the blanket and the giuk and the bantal my name and winnie the pooh. bila kau kn revision? kohokohok. not a good one girl..)

hehehe

semasa agak kosong ini, smasa nadakn dbuat ani.. (Ada plg, belajar sma manyap bilikku yg puhar ani.tpi manis lgi mun angan2).. tiba2 aku smacam sdikit bkobar utk ke italy (nganya MALAS. hahah. boleh lagi itu).

i sooo wannna buy ROBERTO CAVALLI's pieces time di Milan!!! (mcm kaya kau dang....... huhu. angan2 sja bh:p). i sooo wanna take loads and loads of pictures. wlwpun th sightseeing nganya:p i sooo wannnaa say, hey ive been to venice. ive been to milan. ive been to italy. ceh :s salah udh niat atu. haha. bh smoga th niatku jadi lurus. dan smoga masih bkobar pada bulan january. sekian.

:D

ah ha?

(ada suara misteri, bini2, ktawa...)

bni2 one: "knapa ko ktawa?!"
bni2 two: "kjap ah" -ke jamban tia ya dlu..

2 mins later, bni2 one: "aku tau aku tau. aku duduk2 di sini kn?" besides the bed...
bni2 two: "kau atu slalu duduk2 cmatu wh. mkan.. then merenung jauh.. cali"
bni2 one: "aku suka merenung jauh. byk ku nmpak. byk kn dliat" tehehe

BUT for bni2 one's defense, "tapi arini aku mnada duduk2 sja. aku pigang mubail"
bni2 two: "mnada mubailmu!"
bni2 one: "ni ia ampai2 ah. tunggu loading bh"

BUT for the truth, bini2 one: "tpi awu. bnr, hari2 lain aku slalu cani. duduk sja"

bini2 one itu, namanya dbh, bini2 dua itu namanya pajil :p

i guess, yes.. i always sit there, besides my bed.. at the same exact place (hmm, well almost 'exact' :p) doing nothing.. but staring into spaces.. or to make it colorful, to make it sounds better, staring into spaces while eating cukulat, keropok and stuff OR while waiting fr something2, or berehat from mengafal, mbaca OR while doing nothing.. really... haaa u got me~

i could really sit for hours, do nothing.. just stare into spaces.. hmmm

when i said "at the same exact place"- reminds me of mangmang, the orange cat. my sis took her photo, sleeping siring dinding.. sis put the caption: at the same exact place. exaaaacttt. with different pose. mangmag always sleep at this same exact place time panas2. of the many other dinding-related spot, why there? panjang, 4 segi jua dinding atu:p aah anyway, im just saying.. maybe, just maybe.. mangmang is the cat-version of me!! HAHA:p even when she sleeps with me, my sis always said "u two are the same u know.. the way u sleep..." so, yes? :D

JOKING okaaaayyyy? :)


have you started your revision yet?? me haven't... :( oh please myself, be good....

aaaaapa?

Definitely maybe.

Will: "so, you think its a matter of when, not a who?"

April: "yes, its like when u reach a certain age and want to settle down, then the one youre with at that time will be the one"

Will: "so it NEVER occurred to you that 'this is the one?'"

April (hesitation in the eyes. hiding.. trying to hide..): "no"

*conversation yg el-kira kira sahaja. not exact babe:p*

Dil to pagal hay:

(conversation antam2 tpi bnr)

rahul: "how will you know who is made for you?"

pooja: "your heart will know. it will tell you. it will realise that that someone is the one for you."


me thought so too. i think, the heart will know. and i'll have to say, its not a matter of when, but who....

i think, the heart will know. but the heart is just so confusing. the mind is interfering much at times. but... yes, i do believe that the heart knows.. its just.. it scares me.. the heart scares me.. at times..

i pray, i hope that the heart will always have the ability to find, to see the right things...


and.. however, IF it ever makes a wrong choice.. IF.., i hope that the heart will always see the light in every mistakes..

and learn each and every time..

i pray, i hope that the heart will always have the ability to find, to see the right things...

:)






merapu!

perghhhh

told u im super-to-not-that-super sensitive! the man said my asus WILL possibily DIE. fat chance. theyre going to fix it, and its either working or......... bye bye bye- completely. kmarin ckap monitornya yg rusak :s ani medianya tia :s apaaa apaaa lh. i have been told before. i shouldnt be upset....

i dont like this small thing. not that i dont like it bcause its so small, making me juling. well, not really. i specifically wanted a small one. but i just dont like it now. dont like dont like dont like. not that i regret mbali ia. i just want asus to be okay!!!!

okay, im kind of upset because.. because.. i have these little little hopes inside.. hoping, somehow believing asus will be okay...


i dont like this ;(

pathaalll sekodorrrr jua ngganyaa kau anii ;(

wed, dec 8th 2010

i had fun!

swing swing

i.. i.. i.. i feel like im (super to not that super) sensitive lately. little things hit the heart easily. and i dont like that. it takes me good effort to fight it. i know it wont be fair, being moody, angry to *innocent* people. its not fair. and so im trying. im trying.

i feel like im (super to not that super) sensitive that this movie "how to train your dragon" touched me in so many ways, touched me quite deep. muahaha. sedih kali ah. touching kali ah. :p

and i miss ASUS. this small thing is making me juling. not fun-yet. but i'll get used to it. please come back quickly asus, and be healthy. the man called me earlier today, said.. the problem with my laptop is the monitor, not the internal chip or media or apa apa apa ndaku ngerti. but then, if its the monitor... i see more hopess there- than yesterday! :p oh please, i hope i wont be disappointed :p

and i miss **** - i'll just scream out loud if that makes this any easier, i'll just scream out loud so that it becomes lesser and lesser.. ohoho. no?



oh i pretended, i pretended hard... i wish you knew why..


(rule number one: broken.. a little..)

asus..

my ASUS is failing me. she's dying. she's been a good buddy fr these 3 plus good yrs. fr the record, this is the first time dia sakit. minus minor minor sicknesses; that needn't to be fixed and cleaning fr viruses. thats good enough i guess, since aku makai laptop ani pn nda ceramat nyanta. virus disiruk dari setiap sudut. download2 nd bpantang. mcm jadi tibi ada jua laptop ani :D. so yes, she's been a good friend.. now im fixing her though, i'll take her fr whatever is left of her. ia dkadai masani. will be back after 2 days. the man said, i need a new laptop.. said, let her die and buy a new one.. the buddy is weak.. i suspected not strong enough still, even after she's fixed.. but yeah, i'll have her for whatever is left of her :p

now, im using pajil's buddy;p timakasih pajil.. kau LAWA:p kau BAIK (tpi dikit2 sjalah:p) but but really, terima kasih- i mean this :)

ooh and my mp3 pun rusak!! mp3 rusak, laptop rusak, apatah yg ku ada ni...? muahaha. u wanna buy me either one of these? :p

whatelse? i had fun on mon, tues, wedns. esp wed!! wlwpun th balik2 tmpat diaga ani, somehow i had fun!! haha. almost cried watching the dolphin show... menghayati th ku bnr tu:p padahal mliat juaku udh dolphin ani.. emm but ada plg show yg baruku liat ni on this recent trip, last time i went there the dolphins were kind of moody. yth byk show ia nda mau buat. hehe

i guess, it depends on us actually whether or not to have fun. di mana2 pun, bila2 pun. up to us to find joy in every little thing. sipun th tmpatnya balik2 malar :p

so.... hmmphh.

23 yrs old and (almost) two months

ooh baby ooh, the line was beaten!! happy happy, satisfied satisfied! target accomplished!! but.. i enjoyed last week's morning run better.. much much better.. the feeling, the satisfaction.. the way i remembered what i was feeling, what i was thinking.. ai, dunno why.. this morning, almost threw up lah~ muahaha.. ada dh bunyi buek buek atu, lucky nothing came out.. sit for minutes, lifted my head, looking at the sky.. allowing the heat to come out of me.. i then felt better.. :) sajuk eh, nda lagi batah stop tia kali ni morning run ani due to the coldy coldy temp.. hmmphh..


i watched this movie 2 days ago, whip it? the part where si maven said.. "u know how old i am?" bla bla bla "im 36, i started to skate when i was 31... yes, because it took me thaaat long to find out what i am really good at"

how long will it take me to find what i am really really good at? how long will it take me to know what i really really really want? how long will take me to be sure of everything, of every "me" inside of me? haii... i'll just.. try to make the best out of every choice ive made fr now.. i guess? hopefully someday all of this creates the better me.. and that someday, i will know.. i will have the answers.. ececeh.. or maybe, i'll never get enough? aah well, i'll just learn, learn from every little things that LIFE has to offer... :)

emm, aah. currently, i kind of like ADAB (literature).. or maybe suka this yr's syllabus.. talk about philosophies.. ofcourse ive always liked poetry and words.. strong, good, beautiful words that go to the hearts.. its interesting actually, we can define a person by what they said and the way they said it.. in every words they say, it says, it tells us about who they are, their belief, philosophy, the way they see life, their mind, their heart, their life.. (ndalah semestinya only by words atu.. gotta be more to them than just words, than what they said.. ) but..just.. interesting.. much more than that, the power they have in every words to touch other's life..

this one guy, he was a soviet man back then.. joseph stalin, said "seni dan penyair adalah pembentuk masyarakat" *cmatu lh kira2nya* :p yeah, i'll have to agree with that.. agree to "words are so damn powerful"!!

:)


oh yes, all i know is that.. ive always wanted to be remembered for.. my words.. and and being able to inspire people.. to touch people's life.. ohh never too late babe, someday someday maybe.. :p



and btw HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANI KAHAR!!! :)

oowoowo~oo

because ive taken more than ive given.. and.. perhaps, i'll take more than i'll ever give.. whats good in that? i'll keep on taking, u'll keep on breaking..

and no, i dont want that..


i thought i know what to do, i thought ive made my choice?

but why am i being like this?


take each day as it comes and let it be what it'll be? maybe...