first 14th

semenjak kau hadir dalam hidupku.. tiada lagi keresahan.. kau mengetuk pintu hatiku.. tanpa sedar hingga ku izinkan..

kau yang bernama cinta.. kau yang memberi rasa.. kau yang ilhamkan bahagia.. hingga aku terasa indah..

maaf jika ku tidak sempurna.. tika bahagia mula menjelma.. bila keyakinan datang merasa.. kasih disalut dengan kejujuran..

hahaha temeliat th ku jua adamaya ani :p stuck in my head and mulut2 this song. luan malar bh. its a nice song tho, ada aura2 teacher's pet; warisan wanita terakhir. haha. nda? nda? hmm.

i noticed my posts (by months), yg pling byk 13.. now, i wanna break the record. i am breaking the record. hihi. im afraid krg2 aku nda mempost, smpatkn tia awal ani. today is 30th april, cairo's daylight saving. we have 23hrs sja today. and.. in august, we'll have 25hrs! yahuu. kn mrasai ku ada 25 hrs.. hehe..

i actually want to post bykkkk byyyk more cos its kind of... fun.. going back to older posts.. and remember what i feel on that certain certain time.. some little reminders of who i was, who i am.. bla bla bla... :) ..kdg2 gali, kdg happy, kdg senyum, kdg eh ada jua cmani, kdg bahapa kn ku, kdg sedih, kdg puas ati, kdg malu, kdg okay-okay.. ...feelings, thoughts, memories, words, colours....

and.. when i grow older.. il remember how it feels like to be young(er) and carefree.. il remember how wrong i was.. il remember how much time i had.. (and spent it like i didnt need much).. like i said, il laugh at my silliness, cry at my happiness, mad at the wrong things i did.. or.. shout at regrets & fears... and and.. maybe even proud of my struggle, strength, choices... inspired by my childlike thoughts, feelings, carefreeness, dreams.. happiness.. laughter... :) .. i dont know, but who knows?

does my blog have a specific genre?? emm. emm. adakah.. if i were to give it a genre.. i think... the closest one... would be 'personal' kali? hahah. yalah atu jua ah. what would u name it?

ah! semi-personal is better. haha

zzzzzzzz

she said..

wohh damitnyaa. bia tia damit. hehe. so, she's my sister and she said she misses me and that i am annoying. am i? hahaha.

but.. i forgot how to annoy u sis.. when i said 'i forgot how', its not that i forgot 'forgot'.. i remember.. i can get the picture.. its just.. because.. i dont plan to do what i do, to say what i say, to be who i am.. when im around u.. :) ..being annoying, being this, that, everything.. it comes when it wants to come.... (ytah i dont remember how its there! how to make me annoying or or kind, sweet, haa haa!) .... so dont worry, il be back and be the sweet annoying little sister! :p


....huuu how time flies, and we are not in the same picture...




"just because i dont say it, doesnt mean i dont feel it...."

1001 jam

went to qanatir on fri.. didnt know what i expected actually.. haha.. the trip.. was.. emm.. not worth it.. but.. "worth" is not all that we need right? if it is, then.. i pretty much have wasted my age! ha ha. nadawh.. "not worth" plus "not worth", will add up to "worth" eventually... no? jgn th.. :p :p

so, the trip was okay-okay lah.. credit to experience, i guess. kihkih. when they joked, said "tani ke qanatir ani bnrnya kn mkan jua nganya ni dah tu balik" THAT actually almost described the trip in its biggger picture! haha.

but... personally, the bicycle saved my day! luckily! wahaha. believe me, i actually went to alex TWICE (last year, jarak dua mnggu sja) because i wanted to find biskal sana.. ceh.. ndaku tau eh, i have this interest arh biskal.. i mean, antah ah.. one of a must do in egypt/foreign land somehow.. yg ku list kn main biskal.. :p maybe, its the childhood story in bicycle, maybe bicycle is kind of sweet.. antah kau.. haha

the trip would have been better IF:
(1) i had enough sleep the night before (2) we werent supposed to have 'tuition' after the trip; that was a last minute schedule, tusen ah.. bnrnya nada plg every fri (3) aku nda bguna MASA that bad ; had things to do ; had bahas (assignment) to complete.. okeh okeh, salahku plg.. wrong choice when i actually got enough time to finish bahas days days before, wrong choice when i could have slept early that night before qanatir

then, i CHOSE to skip tuition *wrong choice wrong choice*, thinking that would give me some time to finish bahas lah.. (tpi tdurku nyanta eh time urg tusen ah :p set my alarm at 10pm tho. tpi nda tbngun. haha) then woke up at 2am.. tulis tulis tulis (menulis sahaja, bahan2 udh cari before).. around 5am plus siap.. skali... kn... rupanya.. nda tia jadi antar bahas ari sabtu atu... (and possibly nda pyah tia antar langsung atas alasan2 yg itu itu ini) huhuhu.. sabar sja.. well, there is always a beauty in everything :D

smpai arini plgku rasa nda cukup tdur/rehat... hehehe..

but had a good fun today at al-azhar park.. =) =) si pai birthday~~ happy birthday fayyadhah! (26/4) .. and happy birthday amal haizah! (27/4).. i know i know.. they wont be reading this.. but greetings bh, biar tia.. anywhere anytime :p



nah biskal.. bohohoo :p

syhhh...

funny... the way 'we only see what we want to see...' ..when we want to be right so badly...

the way we deny truth because we want what we want..

words.. actions.. are interpreted in the way we want them to be.. we read into things differently.. again, in the way we want them to be..

because.. because.. there's this little part of heart says we are right.. no, the heart says we want to be right.. the heart hopes.. when the logic says everything of the opposites..

because.. because.. we want truth to be the way we want it to be....

this... kills... softly...




"maybe there's a story in that smile...."

a note to.... you, us, myself.

no two-posts in one day eh? hehe

wani kahar, thanks fr telling, recommending me this site : saifulislam.com ..i know i am late, i know i am kind of.. err ktnggalan jaman.. but there is this good line we often hear, "better late than never" :)

so, i think its such a good site. i recommend u to read his site, his books often. my first impression was, as what i said "bacaan barat. but its a very good site. a way home. especially when depressed, down, stressed, lost.. in fact anytime and everytime!" -- ..but then we need to prepare mata otak and mata hati when reading, because its such a brilliant writing (my type, at least), brilliant content.. just what we need to be reminded of.. in this complicated modern life. therefore we need untuk menghadamnya dgn baik :) ..it gives me the wow feeling when reading (most articles).. even teary eyes, hits the heart.. hehehe. i like the way he relates Islam with life nowadays. and banyak lagi lah.. the good thing jua the way he puts analogy into what he is saying and dalil2 Al-Quraan & Sunnah.. and stories. great!

..though, to be honest.. i am not good enough fr that site.. i mean, i read and i processed.. and maybe even learned bits.. slowly slowly but as that far only... masih jua bh aku masuk golongan "tahu tapi jahil" atu.. :( ..if u know what i mean?

tapi.. yg pentingnya tani cuba ambil manfaat, pengajaran, kabaikan, ilmu yang ada di site atu sbaik2nya :)

(forgot to include the word inspiring. it is inspiring!)


note: this is just my opinion.. so, in case anyone reaches and reads this post.. u dont have to agree with me and i apologise if i picked or used wrong words in my description.

it spells morning!

well.... u'll find me here whenever i woke up early. haha (emm fat chance la). because showing-off this kind of thing to no one feels good :p when i say, "showing off to no one", i mean its not something that we can show off pun~

its just... i dont do this often. i can count. and... waking up early feels good. u greet sunshine, not sunshine greets u. a part of me wants to do this like... daily.. emm at least half a week? but, i dunno if thats what i really want.. maybe.. id prefer spending the whole night up and sleeps in the morning.. i mean, when school is out of the picture (bukan plg aku skulah hari2... dont mention that please.. malu.. hahaha :p ..anipun ndaku skulah.....)

morningss.. i have enough time to make breakfast, to take shower, to listen to the soldier's band next building, to plan my day (if aku spisis memplan), to do the unfinished works, even to jog/run.. if.. i want to. aah the list goes on and on....

i feel like on caffeine these two-three days! a bit unsettled too. aku buruk kalau mngusut. but.. then, there's this part of me that smells like happiness.. u know "mengusut, unsettled, ada mcm anak2 stress tpi ada jua happy" thats why i called it -im on caffeine- :p ..maaybbee i can say why.. i just dont get it why happy is in the picture.. im glad its there.. but.. it doesnt feel right.. the combination doesnt feel right.. wuwuwu.. ketenanganku dicuri~~ oleh masa~ oleh kraja~ oleh worries~ oleh apasja~ (banyak2 bzikir, dan bawalah hatimu pulang ke Asalnya, insyaAllah, tenang.. :D) , the part "Bawalah Pulang Hatimu Ke Asalnya" is from saifulislam.com (great great site! il talk more bout this. two posts in one day perhaps? :p)

and and caffeine! i hate caffeine. tpi ku minum jua whenever tesliur. my body cant really take much caffeine.. and i simply dont learn from before.. the way it makes me tremble, restless.. heart goes dapdipdup, irritated, beria2.. smua tnda2 overdose caffeine lah. google bebeh :p ..one thing fr sure, i dont drink caffeine during exams. i cant.. or else it makes me feel like shouting~ nyehe.

udah la~


lets sing along with the birds and the wind.. and and.... :)

come closer~

"your voice itself is the music.. " -inspired by Boyce Avenue. (the part where Alejandro sings and ia brantikan gitarnya skajap. haha)

i remember posting about them somewhere here... eh or arh multiply? i loved them. but.. ever since my laptop detected virusES arh lagu drg.. somehow.. i stopped listening to them.. ha ha ckap minat... tpi mndgr pn nda lagi? :p ..then today, baru dgr lagi :) .. its been a year!

theyre so good at what theyre doing. i was impressed. i still like them. tpi.... why do i feel like he didnt put enough feelings in those songs? i feel like.. feelingnya atu saaamaaa sja? ntah.. i think. maybe its the fact that those songs are covered version.. or theyre acoustic.. or.. andang voicenya atu catu, i mean his voice gives this one kind of feeling sja? haha antah~

or or or...... that.... im just.... wrong? :p ..whatever it is, masih plg ku muji suaranya atu :)

not you not me

i was wrong :(

...lets just stop this.

1987

i dont remember where it started.. but our conversation that day led me to this... "durong".. (these.. durongSS.. heh heh)

what was it ah? emm.. kampungku gelap? sampit? durian.. rambutan.. luaian krabau? haha. antah... then i said something "eh arh kampong kmi ada masih tempat taruh padi atu.. durong?" *i mean durong yg style lama lah.. yg.. yg duuuluu dulu punya* ...then someone said "baik th kau ambil gambarnya sblm ia rubuh" then... i remembered, yes! ive taken some pics! yay.. ehh tapi.. durong kn namanya? :p

aaah aku ingat!! err.. i think.. haha.. anu.. we were talking about kwasan tempat bpadi kali.. yes PADI is the word.. someone said about tempat padi rh kampungnya.. skali nda mau2 th ku jua ckap psal kampungku. pendangki :p haaa haaa.. nadawh, memory trick.. one said something, u remember something? :D *suka hati lah..

bah, now photo up close ah?


megah durongku berdiri dalam ketuaan dan keuzurannya :D this is not far from my house... aampir saaja.. but di blakang.. forgot to check masa last summer masih adakah nda benda ani ah? or its like, aku ada liat ia 'megah berdiri dalam ketuaannya' tapi because im so used to it being there yth mcm nda sadar ia ada or nada? hmmm. bh lets see nnti. na pyah tnya urg, liat sndiri saja. wooo. il bring u here nnti.. haha. (mcm tmpat lain nada kn? :p --- but no.. it wont be the same~)


and this...


is.. the view from my-our little window.. banyaaak hijau.. hehe.. do u notice the rainbow? the vibgyor :)

still remember the name of this place? didnt i tell u.. u must remember 'barringtonia'?

hey jane~

wahhhh pyah th ku kn tdur awal krg......... :(

matakuuu.. akunya... baanyaaak bagus these two-three weeks... awal mngantuk, tdur.. and bngun pagi with that kind of feeling "hellooo sunshine!! im shine-ier than u" :p wlwpun th time atu aku bngun tgh hari... ihh u know what i mean.... haha.. that sound baby sleep? i love.

the routine helps much. after byk2 busy, no time kn berehat.. then came those days i had to wake up early, be it fr school, be it fr something elseSS. then this routine where i woke up in the morning, skulah, ada klass malam.. tired and tdur? simple. atau.. bngun, jalan, tired.. tdur.. waah sanang jua idup ah? haha

today.. was.. panjang? abis class pkul 3pm.. then laptop then tdur.. TIDUR.. yth kali ada bisainya class mlm atu so that aku nd tlabih tdur so that aku awal mngantukk......... (sbnrnya yth ni.. aku kn mngambang sja aku skulah full arini. hahaha. :p)

anyways. bari sasak ah this routine-type-post? kahkahkah.

jiran kmi kn... yesterday, said "lai.. mn kmu kn buang sampah atu.. jgn diampaikn sja.. cani.. kmu taruh arah kutak sampah.. atau bin mcm ani *pointing to her bin*.. klw kutak sampah atu ikat ya.."

she was nice. the way she tagur was nice.. but.. because its been so many times.. i said.. "sbabnya.. bkn sampah kmi bh ni.." bida plg, mcm camah mata.. bkn sampahku skali aku nda buangkn lah? TAPI bagi sasak wh el-jiran jiran ani.. yg kmu SLALU buang smpah arah corner pintu kmi atu napa.. wlwpun strategic... kmi jua kna ucap tu..... kuengkueng bnr kmu anieh... talking bout jiran... i have more to say.. continuation post aritu aritu lah.. nanti.. mn ku ada mood msih..


i feel like posting sajaaa lately. alum jua exam ni :p

i feel like posting sajaaa lately. yes sunshine! im shinier than u are~ :D

mirror mirror on the wall....

just when i thought today is the day that "im gonna spend the wholeeee 24hrs at home, just to have a long-boring-relaxing day" then something quite unplanned came up....

i was aware of this magic show days days ago, i was even interested but i kept forgetting to google it and today i was reminded about the show. skali google and call, dapdipdup nah mbali tiket, bjalan......

nice place. not so nice shuttle-bus-mate. awu, we had to use shuttle bus lagi after arriving at the gate. nice service lah kirakn? haa haa. jauh lgi ke dalam rupanya tmpat atu (CICC, cairo). i expected something boombastic.. cos, i was curious. i was interested. what would it feel like to watch a magic show? would i be deeply impressed? i.. guess so.. *aku ani urg kampung, ke magic show pn nd prnah... ke disney on ice show nd prnah.. skulah kindergarten pn nda.. (just something we talked about earlier) :p

so. the magic show.. i think.. antah, i laughed, yes.. i enjoyed some moments, yes.. i waited curiously, yes.. but impressed? NO. nothing ive never seen on tv before. nothing unusual. nothing unexpected. simply less sparks. awu sakai plgku jua btnya "atu cmana ah?". but yalah thats that. atu jua nganya. though.. it was really good to see it live. something to remember. can say a nice experience lah :) -so that when my hair turned grey, i could say "nini dlu liat magic show"- :p AAH about this, how cali and seems unfair that we-i nowadays say things like "aku dulu wh masa kanak2, nada ampit main barbie doll atu" and years years later kids would say "aku dlu wh masa kanak2, barbie doll nganya ku ampit main" when that years later kanak2nya kna bagi computer pkai mainan busuknya.. u know, our oldies didnt even get to play anything.. they worked.. they said things like "dulu masa ku damit2, mengatam padi ku masa kdiaku jaman2 umur kedikamu ani. mengangkut aing dari telaga..." antah. :p but see my point? or its pointless? :p :p

what did i want to say psal magic show lgi tdi ah? cis..

towards the end, i got bored.. a little. sometimes i do like unplanned jalans. siuk. esp masa jalan round cairo the other day (months months ago).

okay lah.. mostly aku sasak psal... nampak wh drg atu eksen..... namanya magic show dang~ :D

zzzzzzz


"throw your hands up in the air like you just dont care"

u there?

i am tired. didnt go to school today, nda plgku tau arini ada class msih mcm biasa or brubah udh. wanted to go tpi ngaleh and malas. balum jua ada masa relax yg properly wh... . and yesterday i went to ain shams and 2 other places to look fr things that can fill in my summer slots. weee. that was fun, i mean somehow.. in a way... haha. btw kmarin kmi nada class okeh :p

huuu. i am afraid this post will be gloomy.

u know.. sometimes i might lost my way.. there are days when i dont even know what i want anymore.. what i need... when i cant even decide... cant choose.. hesitations.. doubts..

but..
maybe it isnt about the right choice after all ..

maybe it isnt about spending our time thinking, wondering.. 'whether or not this is the right choice'......


.....its about making the best out of every choice we made.. living the best out of everything we have....



aah well, half gloomy i guess :p


"kalau awak merasa diri awak kecil di atas pentas itu, orang lain akan merasakan bahawa awak lebih kecil lagi" AF 8 *awu baruku mliat. this is very right, esp when applied to many other things...



*publish nda? publish nda? haha

cherry-o-berry?

aku sakit parut. aku beria2. aku nda trasa lapar. aku dehydrated. everything tastes pait too. and sungguh benarrr kekurangan zat nutrient. haha. skali cmana ni?

mudahan lakas baik~ amin

and im so thankful that its the parut sja.. no burning body temp, no headache, nothing else :)

VIBGYellowOR

at some points in our life, there are just some things that will never be forgotten..

sweet memories that last a lifetime..

tears and struggle that perhaps make us stronger..

family, friendship, love, hope, fear, faith..... life.......



hmm well, i picked this picture because its not easy to browse the many other pictures.. so im not really talking about something specific.. not swiss, not this not that... its just.. everything in general.. just all the beautiful things in my medulla oblongata.. haha out :p naa, not the right part kn? nda kira, i love the word.. :P okay, i meant to say.. all the beautiful things in my memory and heart.. haha jua :D

and also, i really like this pic.. we looked sooo happyyy.. so carefree... like we were truly having a great time [and of course i was! really really was.. :) ]



the heart wants what the heart wants..