moonlight sonata

what did i say about beethoven virus? i didnt exactly say its a piece from beethoven, the classic beethoven, Ladwig Van B.. honesty, i dont know. i dont know whether its a new song.. or remake fr ddr.. or ia andang ada same version of the song atau yg slower version kh.. i dont know.. i think its a new version lah.. nd plgku tau.. im just so addicted to it now. i tried to search, tpi balum dpat.. mostly cos si beethoven punya music kna title kn with symphony and number, piano and number, violin and number.. so ndaku snggup dgr smua. and i dont have much clue about this genius musician... im just soo into the melody of violin, drum and piano now. the combination of them all. the music, the melody is just so rocking, moving, dramatic and inspiring. i mean it. haha. eh btw who is banya? someone from ddr

i listened to beethoven's concert video, some of his music.. really, he is such a genius. his music was so alive, dramatic, inspiring, victorious.. ohhh whats the exact word??? klw si beethoven atu kn mbuat music sedih, sedih wh.. skalinya alive, mbagi smangat.. i mean.. smpai wh maksud and message musicnya atu- bagiku lh.. tpinya, who am i to say? brapa lagu jua baru ku dgr. so anyway.. beethoven reminds me of this topic that i did in GP- "music is meaningless without lyrics"

i chose to go agaisnt the given statement.. . sure lyric is something meanigful.i think lyric ani very useful and adds the colour to the music but BUT nda jua smpai music atu cacat and meaningless mn nda belirik...... for the lyrics nowadays are more about love, money, sex and violent.. (mcm si akon.ohoho). okay2.. i list the pro of lyrics dulu.. ia bleh jdi motivational.. dakwah.. menyenangkn ati.. fix the mood.. etc.. [oh help me to jot down the point babe..] tpi yg pntingnya lirik yg psal love,money,sex,violent lagi dominant lh.. so i say, music can stand on its own.. bulih jual apa? ia bleh function the same way lyrics could.. like fix the mood, motivate u, memori, ekonomi, as anesthesia fr sugery.. dan byk lagi~ and at some points in my essay, i lost the idea. i mean, the idea of the original topic. confused. bidalah pointku. bida jua essayku.. therefore.. i got c only lee.. but im satisfied yoo =) oh times, i miss those old days.. but im happy with my life now.. as in now literally.. heh heh

antam kau~

beethoven virus

aaaah boringku. i can be at the opposite side of the condition. but i chose boredom. yakan? is boredom really a choice? hmmmM..

when i have nothing to do.. mcm2 lh yg dtg ke utak ku... and now its the question of- what ive become.. what have i lost.. am i who i was? and say, if i have changed.. do i change fr good? do i lost myself for good?if i havent changed.. then.. should i? and why would i care? huuu. i think its not easy to find ur definite character. i remember the line in twilight, "sometimes people just dont see them clearly-"

im thinking of those things that i did.. and still dont quite believe that i did them. one explanation is that.. when i do risky or dangerous things.. i know what drives me. one, i dont think of the bad consequences. i just do it. thinking of only the good it brings. i actually dont even try to imagine what would happen, i dont put myself in the situation.. bla bla bla.. nya urg, i dont think twice. tabak sja. two, what really really moved me was the desire. if i really want something, il do what it takes. so if u find me with excuses, means i dont want it. if u find me not interested, means il put no effort trying. apakan? actually im referring to some events... guess ureself.

im not a big fan of gossip girl. or its..i was not. addicted dhku msani. season 1 ndaku brapa suka. it was not addicitive. but season 2 is a siok siok. honestly, i find myself crying, utk some scenes.. siuk lh. of course crita chuck and blair is fun.. aku suka. tpi aku lgi suka the love between si rufus sma lily. they have always been in love... always and always... uuh, love like that, i would kill for it. haha

what else? oohho i keep listening to beethoven virus now.. balik2.. rindu ddr sc kali. ahah. oh yeah, aku admire si beethoven anieh.. musicnya is awesome. lawa bh. and u know what, he began to lose his hearing in his twenties.. lpas tu deaf.. but still, ia produce music. bravo

the butterfly that cant fly..

nothing seems driving me.. to work hard.. now.. and even nothing inspires me. doesnt mean my life is a total darkness in this past few days, weeks. its just.. im half in fantasies. im loving it much. haha.

the earth is moving faster nowadays. its not a very fair way of getting older i guess. hah. nda bh. astaga. i cant even remember being twenty years old. the last time i remember was answering "im nineteen". jengjeng. ive stopped counting the months since i dont know when. i dont go saying "its january, and i dont know how long it takes to complete a year. 12 months seem forever". two years feels like one now.

im just.. loving egypt more and more. i love the freedom that i always feel when im here. the freedom i mean is.. in my own definition. buknnya skadar kebebasan bjalan. haha. maybe i went to the right places this year, sing the right song, live the good joy, learn great lessons.. except, ive been so less caring about studies. my bad. i hope to catch up soon.

last week i went to sharm el sheikh and sinai. aku mau ksna lagi.. msti msti!!! haha. love it brabis. if i told u i love rehlah in hurghada, i dont know how many times greater was in sharm =) over kali description ku ani. tpi bnar. aku suuukaa. antah, one day i go to other great places, my sentence will go the same "if i told u i love my holiday in sharm, **** is a million times greater" ndakn? haha. isit the same goes as finding what u call as soulmate "i thought i love you but when i meet her, i just know what love actually is" and u find a new other girl- modified sentence here and there. and kill them, kill them with words. kill them with-what-so-called-as-love. one, die die sweet talkers. two, maybe all the feelings are love. u just find it different with different people. stronger with someone than the other. so who to blame? but cant u wait forever.. until nothing can move u but this love? this one love? dan aku melarat jauh dari sharm sheikh. haha

i cant forget sharm sheikh for different reasons. mostly the fun experience i had. and i cant totally forget my drowning experience. ahah. it was in aqua park, well.... warning... this is bari malu. cos kolam sna atu damit2.. the most suitable line would be "aku lamas arh kolam ikan" in comparison lah. haha. damit kali ah kolam atu. mcm fish pond. except for the fact i cant swim. and i was short of a few centimeters- to reach the water level of the kolam. [1.6m wah sja depth kolam atu. 1.6 ONLY!] BUT a few CM-s means a lot for non swimmers. especially when panic took the best of you. tapinya... i didnt know why i took the gamble. i mean, ntah knapa ku mau main tsunami atu. haha. luan iski. i knew the water level. but i wanted to go main atu jua. i believed somehow, i could find a way ksiring kolam laju2.. i believed i could saved myself. i believed anyway.. in myself. in people. if the worst happen, they wont just leave me. they wont let me die. hahaha. my faith outshines the worst possibilities. heh. prasan samseng. tsunami was bari takut plang. it was steep. i screamed my lungs out. i dont think my body relaxes sejak2 ku mlungsur atu. even udh kluar dari trowong atu.. my body was so rigid. so i think that adds my panic. udh mlabuk kebwah.. i dont know how i was. tpi rsa2nya i acted like a drowning victim. tnggalam-timbul-lambai2. haha. until i saw pajil trajun and was reaching for my hands. and and the guard jua trajun. and lifted me just like that. just like a hero. hahaha. thank u mr guard. and my special thanks to pajil. hehe. but then, i laughed so hard. cali wh, kna slamatkn arh tmpat tuhur. by my friend. by a stranger. then kna liat ulih urg2. haha. tapi, to me, personally- its such a beautiful thing. beautiful experience. really. so in conclusion,tsunami was bari takut, steep, dark and FUN. hihi. fortunately aku nda kna banned main lain lgi lpas atu.

then, i love watching the sunrise. atas bukit. arh desert. lpas quad bike.( again). it was fun. sunrise was so so beautiful. honestly, first time ku liat sunrise. i mean, really liat. dri matahari atu nada, to seeing only light and watching the sun rising and rising. smpai ia jadi bulat.

snorkeling. fuh. such an experience. bari mati. for non swimmers. ahah. and tiring. out of 3 stops, aku turun dua sja. and it was cold. no matter how bad i was, i want to do it again, someday.. tpi mn time winter bpkir plangku dua kali tu ah.

aaah ive watched shopaholic. woho. emm.. ntah ah. siuk kali lh. cali. but. always a but.. barangkali baik plang balum prnah baca buku yg kna movie-kn.. psalnya less suspense. less curiosity. that kills most of the fun. bisai plang critanya atu nda sma mcm buku.. byk nda sma.. tpi still, basic of the story is still sma of course.. so, aku prefer if nda pnah baca buku yg kna moviekn...

april is the serious month i hope. cos may is the scary month..

err.. i think my blog is very dull... tapi.. that fact doesnt make me take any action-yet- cos i still dont like doing the skin.. or layout.. or.. modifying my way of writing.. so.. so what? =D

panjang?

say no to no-sss

lampung bilikku rusak.. ertinya... ertinya apanah?

ertinya, bila malam sja.. aku msti tarus tidur. haha. atau, bjalan. lpas jalan, tdur tarus. nyeh. positive point: smua kraja ku siapkn siang. jdinya, aku rajin. kraja laju.
negative: pmalas.. nada papa bgarak tu.. mliat laptop pn ku sakit mata, naik ke kpala.. turun ke mulut.. ahah (nda plg, tpi possible2)

dua: ertinya atu wake up call. ia suruh start mbaca and ngafal. haha. cana bleh nh? mechanismnya cmani:
lampungku rusak. skali, aku pn ngomplen dlm ati atau luar ati sudh "eh cana ni lampungku rusak. nda jua ku dpat buat kraja tu. pyah jua ku kn mbaca ni. apatah lgi kn ngafal. kacau eh" [ytah, mcm th ku mbaca before ani. cis] skali, udh ku ngomplen, tkanang2 th ku nikmat cahaya yg ada sbelum ani.. knapa lh ku nda gunakn sbaik2nya.. knapa th.. ani, tdur plg blampung.. ter bh ter.. tertidur, slalu~ huhu. then, next.. i feel like wanting new lampung more than ever.. i told myself "mn ku ada lampung baru, blajar ku rajin2 ni!" so chainnya: lampung rusak-nyasal nda makai lmpung bisai2 msanya msih baik-azam kn blajar.woo- ehh.. misal sja okeh? and i said mechanism. and its theoritical. and not all theory is applicable. hahaha~ alasan2.. awu ah, im just giving a positive example. relax~

tiga: ertinya aku nda skulah arini. ahah. out. nada mechanism ni. aku nda tbngun tdi. cali. pdahal awal dh ku tdur tu. plus aku th manusia yg pling nda mengalih kali kmarin atu. masih jua nda skulah lai?? dudui.. apala..

empat: karang th ku mnta lampung baru arh dear bawab.. keke.. bh, mn ku tjmpa ia jua tu.. mn ku ada ksmpatan.. seh..

ehhhh bilakn shopaholic main sini ani? batah eh. urg lain mliat udh. aku mau liat wayang jua~ batah ni batah, mcm twilight. siukk usulnya shopaholic ah..

bh krg aku mnyukat sc lagi. ikut? ikut? ahah

fortyTWO

fight or flight? fight or run?

i know i always run.. i know ive spent my whole life being ignorant. and selfish. and coward. ahah. ykn? awu kali~

someone just reflected myself, in his/her own way lh.. i can see myself quite clearly thru his/her words.. some simple lines, some actions.. and i could see flashes of past, flashes of me.. how i always missed chances, how i always preferred letting go something i neednt to.. how i lost the games i could win-if i put good effort trying. how i thought i was struggling.. but was just whining.. dan sekian2 yg byk lgi.. eh bnr jua tu, we always say.. i almost died struggling.. i tried my best.. tpi ykan? ykan? does our best only up to that? just that? do we define struggle correctly? if i see life with my two good eyes, wide open.. i know, i never really struggle. IF i thought i have, i had, that was just giving triple extra effort without even really struggling. i dont know. tpi... to think of it again, maybe there is struggle.. the minor one, inside. internal struggle. haha~ mna kmu tau.. aku pn nda tau =D eh bnrnya ukanku kn ckap psal ani. iatah bh yg struggle ani mcm si gandhi nyanta, lpas tu, mcm urg yg lngsung nda beusin tpi ia mau jua skulah jua.. yg nda beusin tpi ia start jua bisnes.. apa lgi? byk eh~ kita belum susah punnn.. byk lgi yg jarih. sooo stopppp complaining.. my ears bleed... hah. [utk aku lh jua]

anyway.. i love those people who can read me.. who can guess me correctly.. emm.. i love observent people and yg pndai read aku lh.. haha.. lalala~ and plus.. unpredictable. mysterious. eh nh, byk tia mlarat.. haaha

i should have taken the flight when i could... whats holding me?

what is it that always hold me back? huhu..

so so.. the flight.. i cant fall to the wrong lane, at the wrong place. at the wrong time. that would kill. im a coward, i know that..

the next time im moving.. no, dont tell me how to run.. dont tell me how to fly.. i wanna stay.. i wanna stay.. make me.. make me stay.. il fight.. with you.. il fight.. with you, with them.. with everything..

boh, aku siuk sendiri~ haha

fortyONE

adui, i dont like the sight of my room. of course i still love walking into it, its the homiest part i have here [one of the homiest part in my life, to be honest]. so, back to my point.. bilikku th yg paling bejurit msani dlm sejarah tamadun manusia. bukn sja msani, andang slalu bjurit bh. skajap nganya ia lapang ulihku. bh udh2,or else il expose too much info here. haha.

but yea, i know.. how much people might have guessed me thru my blog.. how much ive exposed myself directly or indirectly. depends lh on how good u can read people.. if ure not, then, u will just misinterpret me and my words and my life and my philosophy and everything. haha. yg nyatanya outside, i act different depending on the who,when,what,how. different to diff people, diff situation, diff mood, diff reasons. consciously or not. im quite sure andangnya manusia cmatu. might be different outside but inside, we are who we are. IF IF we could ever define who we really are.. paham? paham? hahaha~

ive just learned this word 'fudhuliyyi', when the word is used in jual beli. means urg ketiga yg penyibuk urusan jual beli urg lain. misalnya si penjual ckap "aku jual gayung ini dgn hrga 78 ringgit" then skiranya alumpun si pmbeli smpai qabul.. ada tia urg menyampuk "eh gayung ani kualiti tinggi ni, nada garit. buatan itali lagi. gelugut pun nda mlakat. hrganya 110 ni. ia jual arhmu 110 ringgit" misal lah. misal. eh kawan2.. lurus kh pahamanku erti fuddhuliyyi atu? haha~ correct me if im wrong. i can always delete my post. haha. iatah kn.. wujud bh urg catu atu. behapa kn ya? mcm... wujud jua urg2 mcm mami jarum, urg penyibuk mlampau.. etc2.. cali bh perangai.. tapikn.. life would be less fun if it wasnt for those different and weird people. klw nada prangai yg pelik2 atu.. nada tia kn diucapkn. haha. asta. awu bh, nda baik dih prangai~. but point is, life is a stranger. people are different. but its not always a bad thing. they are treasure in a way. ooh, i always see something predictable as boring. so anywaynya.. ukan plgku kn mnyokong sifat2 mazmumah yg telah disebut itu. well, u get me.. I HOPE =) ...... and yes, no offense. [adakah?haha].

what else? good night.. =D

easy games arent fun.. but i always lost in good, difficult games.. not lost.. i didnt even really try..

selamat pagi spring. haaa

you. yes you. pointing at you behind the curtain.

what have i missed? what have i lost? not you, i hope. hahaha.

aah i love being 21. forever 21 bulih kh? si edward bulih pun forever 17.. =D .. so anyway, honestly i feel different. i see difference in life (&maybe myself too) but i think i can see life from one more diff angle now. not that its a good angle, but it allows me to know myself more. i dont know if age is the reason tho.. but ive experienced a lot of diff things at this age. diff self crisis, feelings, views, .. and too much to say..
i dont know if this should mean im growing up or im growing down. HAHA.

i dont have ideas on what to post lately, actually since feb udh ku menaip blindly. ytah, just for sharing.. (tho u dont have to know, and u dont want to know, =p] im not very well now. haha. im good. i can jump, i can run. but im having ingus. keke. and sort of panas. but inside is not burning or anything. so, im still good. aii.. the weather, winter is gone... nooo.. huhu

kmarin, i went to dreampark! yes dreampark kali ah.. tpi tutup. psalnya windy brabis brabis and bpasir. sightseeing cairo th jwapannya. and to this supersuperhypermarket, hyperone. if u have seen the email psal things u cant find anywhere else but cairo, aah yth dsna tu troleynya ah. the very big troley. i dont remember bnrnya pasal email atu but one of the girls remind me. then, we went to sc.. dotdotdot..

eh anyway, ive watched selamat pagi cinta. ndaku tau.. saja2, join mliat. ive read si amal punya post psal movie ani. and i have to agree with u!!! its.. such.. a.. er.. crap. cana bleh ia masuk panggung msatu??! ish. dlm masa satu jam stgh duration movie, atu sja yg bleh dimasukkannya? atu sja critanya? pointless and buruk. everything went so fast, abis diasaknya. mn fast tapi time framenya pnjang, dpat jua dtrima.. ani.. cis, bnr th eh. [tapi abis plgku liat~]. mcm kn ngikut crita indon jua pliatanku.. or style sepi/cinta. but ure too far behind sir,madam.. no originality, nda unik, nda realistic. HAAHA. adang th ku ngucap eh...

bh udh tia.

maybe.. i found peace in letting go.. but regret would come knocking..

say all i need

Do you know where your heart is..
Do you think you can find it..
Did you trade it for something, somewhere..
Better just to have it ..

Do you know where your love is..
Do you think that you lost it..
You felt it so strong but nothings
Turned out how you want it..

Well bless my soul
You`re a lonely soul
Cause you wont let go
Of anything you hold..

Well all I need is the air I breathe
And a place to rest my head..

Do you know what your fate is
And are you trying to shake it
You`re doing your best and
You`re best look
You`re praying that you`ll make it

Do you think you can find it
Better than you have it

Better than you have it
Said all I need is the air I breathe
And a place to rest my head

Do you know where the end is
Do you think you can see it
Until you get there
Go on
Go ahead and scream it
Just say

sikit2 lirik. behapa th ku tu? hoho

dollar dollar bill ya

i keep listening to the same songs- i have on my playlist. bekurun2 plg udh. jarang ada yg baru. sanak jua, nda jua. and and.. im in love with akon's (?) currently. haha. lawa eh. the type of music that makes me wanna dance. lyrics are cool- in a bad way. HAH HAH

ive been eyeing on one republic jua. nda plg fanatik. well, saja2 lh. aku jarang fanatic. im universal. i love everyone and everything, just the same way i hate it. [haha]. ndawh. eksenku. i have no point here, just to post this lyric yg bkurun jua udh, below. versi bputung. pnjang nyanta..

i think im pretty much getting myself together now. [yakah?]. i feel a lot better and lighter (now, in a better way). i think lah sja. i think.

i like one republic punya theme.. antah theme kh tu.. i dunno. drg punya style lh. be it the song, be it the lyric, and the voice? heh heh.

Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what i see..

They're tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now..

err, well.. i dont really know what its all about plg. i just like what i like there.

**and anyway, happy birthday QAY darl.. enjoy ur shopping spree =p ..best wishes.. live well, happily ever after :D**