:)

have u ever wished fr someone's happiness to last forever? really really truly wishing fr their happiness.. from day one u know they started to finally found the happiness they've been waiting, wishing for since a long long time.. and from that moment on, u too, began to wonder whether or not they are happy today? and wonder the next day if theyre still happy, will be happy, will always be happy... and u cant help but to wish they will be always, always be happy... happy smpai bila2...

smoga dia bahagia, gembira selamanya.. smoga mereka bahagia, gembira selamanya.. dunia akhirat.. amin.. amin.. amin ya Rabb.. :')

beautiful~ we are~

ive been thinking, "what am i best at?" of course there is something i am best at, tpi as in.. dlm byk2 bnda yg ku bulih buat, bnda atu th yg pling ku pndai buat antara smua atu. bukn, benda atu aku th yg pling pndai buat antara smua org. get me? antam. its like, maybe thats what i am best at, but i am not the best person in doing it. aah catu lh :P

actually, i remembered this conversation i had with my sis. i said "ko mana main game atu kn?ko mana pndai main smua game.ko ani nda flexible eh" silence. haha, mcm mngucap ada jua. skali, utk recover "tapi.. between us, ko lgi andal main game dari aku!" *laughsss* "haha but true, i mayyyy be flexible. i play all types of game. tapi.. smuanya mcm average sja. nada yg ku andal brabis"

skali i relate this statement to my life in general, and i was thinking, awu ah.. apa benda yg aku obviously very very bestest at ah? like when people mention (say bowling), first name to pop in their mind is me. when they mention cooking, or science, or badminton.. it would be my name in their head.. and.. i couldnt find any.. any thing that pops my name in...

guess, i am more to flexible but average. hahahah. not sure, but this is what i get from one side view. i dunno for sure :) . u might think of me differently, maybe u think i am not flexible but good at one thing. or that i am not flexible and good at nothing. hahaha.

so yea.. but everything is special. special in its own way, special in many ways. the value might be different, depending on how others see it. "beauty lies on the eyes of the beholder" maybe!

jaman yg terlewat~

"sekarang sudah ramai org jahiliyyah ya" -ustaz

what a sad irony is that? fikir2kan lah. renungkan sedalam2nya. bila zaman kembali berputar, di mana kita?

and.. where do i stand? siapa aku? astaghafirullahalazim.

175 plus 150

maybe.. you should try to look at urself with someone else's eyes..

(mata tarang ah :P)

past tense

good. (in a weak tone please). i feel like posting something at times like this. i should be sleeping now. but i guess the coffee is quite strong. im kind of buntu today. went out as early as 9am, went back at almost sixpm, then went out again at 7 plus plus pm. and finally home at emm 1am plus. quite a long day. and misr people are indeed crazy. so crazy bout football, winning football. i wouldnt be surprised what they could and would do if they lose.

aaah. i signed in here because BECAUSE i wanted to write something. TAPI LUPAKU AS I STARTED MY FIRST FEW LINES. BAGUS. ANTAH KAUUUU

hmm anyway, 2012. good in its own way. good, to me in one way. in the way ia migghhtttt be menyalurkn sdikit keinsafan and kmanusian; the way it presents good deeds. but its... just the same with the movies psal yg cani2 before ani. i mean, hey. its... not interesting. i was just more to curious. its 5-6 over ten or less. my rate is not base on what-so-called as technology kh ya, emm cara ia mengarah kh, sound system or light kh.. what do i know? its base on my own type of jalan crita and interest. anyway, boring wh drg di cinema clap hands fr such things that dont deserve those claps.

my best movie of the year is the orphan. those claps, those emotions, those swearing, the movie deserve it. aku suuuukaaaa. i was like totally awake and alert fr the whole play, i even said something like "boh. boh. cmana th ni? apa th jdi ni?", which is very much not often from me. my sis even said "wow. never seen u this interested in any movie". yea, haha. antah mengapaaa~ maybe psal aku nda tau sinopsisnya lngsung kali jua, or the movie is just so good. and i love love love the 12 yr old actress. she deserve awards. haha

the end

"SHE LIKED HIM. DONT YOU NOTICE THE PAST TENSE?"

love story

ive never heard of such a sweet love story like this one in real life. in my life. touchy. i hope, this is just a beginning of a happy ending.. i pray, this is forever.. i pray, you and you will always be together. until the end. until death do you apart. i pray, you will always be happy like this. even happier. amin. amin. amin ya Rabb. if i ever could wish for a happiness to last forever, then id wish for this one. i am happy, really really really happy for you =')

now, i believe in anything. just anything. anything is possible. i do believe in miracle. i do believe in love. i do believe in soulmate. i do believe akan yg namanya takdir.... (of course i believe in this one since for ever.. just wanna emphasize here)

ya Allah.. semoga dia akan selalu merasa bahagia begini.. semoga mereka akan bersama dan bahagia selamanya.. berkatilah hidup mereka.. semoga mereka bahagia di dunia dan akhirat amin..

for you...

barringtonia

for a start, do you even know that i live in kg. putat? PUTAT? (aah, i really hope that this is not.. emm.. a brutal exposure. hahaha) ndalh exposure, but.. seriously, if one of my kampong-mate found my blog.. emm.. emm.. galatku. hahaha. as in, drg2 yg ku nda biasa.. who barely knows me and i barely know them.. and kalau drg familyku tau pn ku galat... psal... well, u know.. this kind of thing.. antah. i hope u understand me! haha. plus its such a small place, like wlwpun aku grenti nda fames (seumur idupku nd prnahku pames. emm.. should i try to be one? hahaha) yatah kn, there.. everyone knows everyone.. everyone talks about everyone.. and im not very happy to be talked about.. not in a bad way especially.. not in a bit personal way too.. talk about me, just in a neutral way. NEUTRAL, i said :P or yg baik2 sja lh :P

so, ytah.. i googled putat.. and the result is quite impressive.. for so long, and so many times.. everytime i mentioned "putat", i saw those kind of looks.. blank.. "mnakn tu??" eheh.. jauh plg lai.. and once, i made my presentation (got to choose any topic. ANY. yth, i chose putat). explained to them, as a start what putat means. i told them, its a name of buah/pokok. bnrnya POKOK, but i mentioned buah. thats what i remembered being told, by my family, by the oldies there. (drg ckap pokok kali, tpi konpiusku, jdinya yg ku ingat buah). its kind of hard to convince what i actually didnt really know. baik plgku google tu eh. hahha.

this is some of the googling googling punya result:
and..



hmm nampak kh? well, remember.. this is what my kampong is named after.. and remember now where i live.. and remember its scientific name : Barringtonia

and ada jua some places namanya putat jua, di indon.. di malaysia..

so, yea, im a putat-ian. :D

hmmmphh, mesti th blajar dlu rjin2 ni mn kn bjalan, mn kn enjoy~ lalala.. score th abis2.. bru siuk enjoy nnti.. lalala lgi~

tuesday

hari yg memang kurang produktif... ; andang jua slalu nd produktif.. tapi psal aku kskulah tdi, tpi nd batah lecture.. thefore trsa kurang produktif scara indirect *antam dang*

it was difficult enough to open my eyes this morning.. and i was hungry.. went to school anyway.. we had like 40mins max lecture.. then waited and waited.. while waiting, i chose to sleep.. tapi malang2nya, kna bnguni arab.. ia kn mlngkahi aku :P (ia kn mlngkah mija wh, ia lalu sbalahku. kna jua tu kakinya rh kwasanku tu. bagi ilang hawa kn mngampai kpala lgi) but ku ampai jua lgi.. then bngun, then ampai.. and along the way, dua tiga kali lagi klangkahan. pfffttt.

then we went home.. nada kali cigu ani..

then aku mkan indo mee (awu indo mee nganya eh. atu pn baik th udh daripada ku mnapa dpan laptop then tidur) and bnar lh.. lpas tu aku tdur... ani.. baru bngun, ytah.. mamaiku, behapa kn ku mpost benda2 cani ni... huahuahua

the previous crack

-from an interview with leonard cohen ; well.. aku edit sikit, as in adaku buang. hehe-

it is not a very happy thought to believe that something will always have to break, to open a crack, in order to the light gets in...

It is a happy thought if we enjoy the truth. There is always something that will have to break. Usually it is our personal pride. The idea that there is a staircase of gold and marble, which leads to knowledge is seductive, but seems to me that the idea of something needing to get broken before we can learn anything is a more true idea. It is my experience, maybe you can escape it, but I doubt it. Unless the heart breaks, we will never know anything about love. As long as our objective universe doesn't collapse, we'll never know anything about the world.

We think that we know the mechanism, but only when it fails we understand how intricate and mysterious is the operation. So, it is true, "there's a crack in everything", all human activity is imperfect and unfinished. Only that way we can have the notion that there's something inside us that can only be located through disillusion, bad luck and defeat. Unfortunately, that seems to be the case.

as in, manusia and idup nda kn pnah smpurna, so that we learn... and therefore mncuba utk jadi yg lbih baik :)

minus one

"there is a crack, a crack in everything...

...that's how the light gets in"

-leonard cohen

which category are you in?

errrrr... i remember feeling so happy, so happy and so light- not-the-hey-world-i-am-in-love-feeling but happy, just happy. and i miss it. very. the feeling is just so.. serene. i feel so carefree. no worries. no pressure. no annoyance. nothing no good. ah-i-love-my-life-and-i-wish-this-life-goes-on-forever-and-even-better. happy-i-live-my-life-as-a-present-no-future-thinking-no-regret-and-i-am-so-impossibly-positive. happy-and-nothing-upsets-me. happy-and-everyone-loves-me-even-if-they-dont-i-dont-care-i-feel-loved-and-its-enough. happy-i-feel-home. sigh, what a feeling. why cant i have that everyday? hahahha.

im not sad or down or upset at the mo. just a bit unsettled. and i am not thattttt that happy either. but but im so very thankful fr what i am given. cukup. alhamdulillah. :)

so, i was browsing thru an old friend's profile/pics whatever. and i was just thinking.. how i love people differently.. sometimes, how easily i like and get along well with someone new, someone i click with at the very first "HI". and therefore, i love them more than those ive known fr thousand years. and how sometimes i love people fr diff reasons.. because i get along with them only in certain areas, or because theyre good listeners, because they care, because they appreciate me, because they make me laugh, because they would do anything and everything fr me, because i am the one they'd find if anything goes wrong, because they feel like im the antidote, because they look up upon me, because theyre always there fr me, because they help me so much, because we share the same things, because we are close, because we click in most things, because i can share everything with them, or because i cant live without them? the becauses... the different reasons. and i know, that i dont love people equally or even fairly. who loves equally and fairly? anyone? how i love people just because theyre my old friends.. or.. because theyre special somehow.. and i couldnt really find the reason.. because.. theyre just a part of me.. they meant a lot.. (really. i dont know why. theyre not even the closest nor the most important one to you. but they really feel like a part of you. like, whatever happens, u know u will always love them) ; to me, this usually happens to someone i shared a lot of things with, maybe old friends, someone i grow up with, someone i trust, or someone who changes my life or the way i think.. bla bla bla

how i love a few people because theyre true friends.. that fr sure il never frget them, that i love them dearly.. that il do everything and anything fr them.. but, there're still fat chances that we will have our own path in the future.. (mcm drg kawin, aku kawin. hahahha; that way, they might fall to the category above but a bit different. because this type of friend, u always spend time together and click in many things nganya have to go with different paths. that one above, u dont spend time together slalu. but this type might fall to category above kalau u dont talk often tia. have very diff life. get me? NDA PYAH)

and you know, how sometimes, we love people because theyre part of ur life at the time.. like, we are close with them because we are doing the same things at the same time.. because we share some common things at the time.. but not all the time.. maybe we'll have our diff paths years later.. its just, temporary.. some times later in our life, we might bump into each other and share good laughs.. maybe we'll send each other news occasionally.. but not in a way that we'l find them if anything goes wrong in our life.. not as a shoulder to cry on, not the one u know u will always love fr whatever happens

and... how i'l love someone fr all the combined different reasons.. fr the so many reasons.. fr the so many ways.. that i can not even put them into words.. and all i will say "i dont know, i love you. i just do. and whatever happens, i know i will always love you" when all i will say "its just the way u make me feel inside; the way u make me feel beautiful. special. in everything. the power u have to control over my strength, my weakness, my laughter, my tears.. and yet, all u bring is the best in me.. the way u make me proud to be MYSELF. the way u make me happy-as in HAPPY .the way i always want to make you feel the same way.." (banyak lh all i can say kuuu. haha)

and.. how that is one in a million.. like, very one in millionssss.

my family, all my friends, dearest friends, you out there who knows me, you out there whom i know, strangers-friend-to-be, this is for you. fr all of you :)

*because i believe in LOVE so much*

hahahahaha

baila baila!

i feel.. unsettled.. dunno.. something does that.. but antah.. i know, but.. its between "i dont wanna tell and its hard to explain" HAH.

ehh.. nda juaku sanak bnr bh mliat blogku ani. well, if ku sanak... emm.. if ku sanak... ku shoo shoo tia lgi.....

sigh. let me float. let me feel like floating. dont let me feel colourless and old. not unsettled, especially. nothing serious. JUST..

OLD, speaking of old... oh my, i have one of the signs!! my new interest is recipe.. lalala. haha. i like trying something new lately. cooking. pffftt. its just fr fun babe. i love cooking fer myself :) and depends on the mood. i like cooking, bt i hate to prepare and memanyap. memanyap atu thhh. prepare atu mcm mesti lgi, manyap atu CEH. and i have some few things that i do not like to make, macam cakoi (HAHA) did it once, tpi malasku eh. i dnt like yg ada kaitan2 dgn tapung. wehehe. and when i say i like, does not mean i am good at it. dont misunderstand my statement. plus its prolly angat2 taie hucing.

hmmmmmmm.............

i miss my blog

i miss my blog. i know, i know, i can write, i can read it whenever i want. i have the access into it. but.. i dont like my blog right now...

yea, i tried to change the background, the skin. but then, i didnt really like it. so i was back with the black one. unfortunate enough, i lost some codes (or what?), lain tia jadinya. plus.. i almost, almost lost some other things there. so.. the answer to my ques msatu would be : banyaaak. satu, nada skin yg bbnr ku suka (mind you, aku nda pndai digital scrapbooking [YET] or even ubah2 any skin pkai photoshop, etc. even if i do pndai.. msihku alum interested.. it will cause so much back pain when ure not interested. haha) like qay said, its a hard work. hahaha. and yeah, psal aku nda brapa pndai change blogskin lh. i know the basic. but.. boring. the extent of my knowledge and ability to change my blogskin is indeed boring! and this current skin, sasakku mliat.

so thats it. jarang th ku ke blogku. this blog was like my new digital bestfriend (majal! haha) and now, we are abandoning each other. :D


"u cared fr me when no one else seemed to notice my very existence" and... but... so....