brown it is

...and im back! Hmmm

nothing to be excited about. Life is just as usual as what i remembered being here. Except i feel a bit awkward sometimes (like going to syarif HA HA! And make conversations with em). I went to sc, yes, also to ezone, to ddr. Heh, my memory exaggerates much. Its not like what i remember.. Not that speedy, not that thrilling, bt its still my thing tho :)

my second taxi ride was very extreme. I shut my eyes tight for somewhat feels like long seconds. Haha. Bisai lgi ku drive krita game wh! (booooo). Speaking of game, memory cardku corrupted!! I really really need a new one. Ive got nothing to do at the mo.. Bored.. Cant hve wireless connection yet psalnya tlipun kmi nd bebyar, skalinya linenya mcm kna cut "nmber not in use"..

My routine is crap.. My sleeping pattern is even crappier.. I sleep fr more than 12hrs, tpi nda straight plg.. And i always woke up at the beginning of dawn. Ceh. Like, 4.30am to 5plus. Mn skulah cmani bisai dang..

Bh udh th.. I guess im missing the very bits of life i had (have!) miles miles away. Huh. (jadi mnusia type E minus kh aku???)

E minus, ask me- :D

one and a half star

now the blog is ok, good, good girl.

Aaaaawww i really wanna cry. Given any catalyst, id cry at this second. (shiii, i insert too much personal inner conflict lately. Tho the conflict doesnt reveal its name here, still.. Im kind of moaning! And i dnt like it. Bt why not, the blog understands me more than u do, thats how. Thats why)

oh i said i dnt really care bout raya celebration. It doesnt really fill my heart. Aah dnt get me wrong, i mean celebration as in brunei punya style. (foods, curtains, sofas, maniks, carbonattoo, days to weeks, etc.) bt then, ive missed raya here two times already.. I just.. Seem to frget the fun, the sound, the enthusiasm (?) it holds.. And.. Im lucky enough to be here now.. Apakn aku niiii.. I mean, i may not wanna have all the fun but i dnt wanna be exhausted and stressed either.  (I WANT TO HV THE ULTIMATE FUN AND BLAST, i jst wanna escape some routine, some kraja HA HA, some some and some, same goes in cairo jua bh- sescape some things)

Yes, im standing outside "the stress door". I dnt mean to be selfish or uncaring or any other bad stuff. I dnt want not to be "here".seriously! This is what i wanna do. What i gotta do. I have to and its the right thing.. I just dnt wanna be stress, exhausted, low and and hormonal.

..I wont hv the chance to do many things i wanna do. But.. Its ok.

I wannaa rest.. Rest like nothing, NOTHING to do and think at all, fr at least two days before i get back, bt how is that possible. Oh my, im so much like complaining here. The comparison would be, if i were to get any rewards fr whatever i do, nda jdi blurih. Dont deserve it. Wooo

excited to go back is one thing. Leaving, going is another. I dnt like adjusting to "new" environtment. Im used to have whats around me now, then change lgi. And going back means back to the dull house. Fixing this and that lgi kali. Bt anyhowwww i really wanna go back! :)

caps lett

shiii! i wanna cry. not that im complaining, not that i dont wanna do this. its not like im the type who really cares  bout raya celebration. BUT...     EHH STUPID BLOG VIA HANDPHONE! (TO BE CONTINUED)  -I WANNA GO HOME, FEEL HOME. WHEREVER HOME IS 

29 ramadhan

this situation..

This place.. Is tearing me apart..
..its breaking my heart
..killing me

im just scared..
Tired.. In so many aspects..

If i could feel this way.., I am feeling this way.. Then how bout them?? How heavy must they've felt all this long? How scared, tired are they? Theyre tough, tougher than i could ever imagine.

Naa, i dont speak truth. Truth speaks fr me. Isnt that coward enough? No, not in this way.

--why do i always take things lightly? I keep saying things like "it will be aright" , "somebody will do that.why would i bother?" , "they neednt my help" , "things will workout itself" what?? Am i expecting magic all the time? Bad bad bad habit.

Hmm happy advanced aidilfitri. Mnta maaf zahir batin. Awu bnar! :D (nmpak anak bulan kh nda, nmpak kh nda?? Hmm)

--- mal!! Homesick already? Nyeh :p

11.10 seas

aidilfitri is just around the corner, if ure thinking of having a sungkai out fr these remaining days of ramadhan, then id suggest u go to Ambar Kasturi, Bengkurong. Its such a babe!haha. The buffet really worth it. Its only $5 and its so byk and nyaman (most of the foods). Naaa, i think $5 is too cheap fr the stuff given. Im willing to pay fr $7 actually. Hehe. Dlm byk2 buffet yg ku aga so far, this is the most satisfying lh. I think. Havent tried aneka rasa tho. Havent tried many, but yea, point taken, ambar was very good that day.

On the other note, fr the shout out, ndaku tau qay.. Mcm cina jua, mcm mlayu jua.. I thot that only exists in celebs world and magazine! Bt seen it live now. Haha. Nda i suka eh

hmmm im going back nxt week, back to 2nd home? :D im happy to go back actually. Officially excited now. Nyeh

the fine line..

siiiggghhhh brabis. I was in the mood of posting bout the sungkai-out with the girls msa tues. I had funnn!! Bnar. Hehe. Thanks a lot RAI fr the ride :) jn jara.jenggejeng :p

yth kn, that night, i saw this momma (ndaku tau apa bngsanya) and and ia ani bwa anaknya kn.. Usulnya baru pndai bjalan.maybe 1yr plus umurnya.. Skali ia bwa anaknya pkai tali!! I mean,tali atu mcm jnis yg di attach arh bdan/baju anak atu plg. I was speechless, exchanging glance with a friend. Then we both "what??! Mcm kuyuk ia buat anaknya" well, i know i sound kasar. But that was my first, 2nd, 3rd impression! Ndaku prnah tliat urg mbwa anaknya cmatu. We were sayiing jua,maybe kmi yg ktnggalan zaman,katak kmi ani.. Nda tau mnau msani atu th style urg mbwa anak. Whatever. I hate the sight, esp th in my own country and bngsa. Wh emosi. I dont agree with that. Sophisticated mnakh cara atu, ndaku agree. Personally, i think thats against ethic and moral kemanusiaan. Wahaha. Alaaa terover th plg ku.

I said earlier "i was in the mood", actually there is something happened today that killed most of the.. Err excitement? If im still in the lalala good mood, maybe id be able to dscribe my sungkai-out day in a more iski way..

Nway.. Back to the sigh.. At this moment, second, every passing minutes and hours earlier today.. I just wanna go bacck to cairo so badly. I guess, thats my way of running from problems.. And discomfort- of what im feeling now. Haiya.. I never expected to do what i did, never even thought i had the capability to stand up or throw a word.. Let alone my whole action.maybe, just maybe.. To be in a postive side, thats a sign of me growing up.. I know, they look at me like im still the little girl, the one who sits in the conner, saying nothing, wanting nothing but the lollipop. But no, im 21, not that i think 21 is the legal age or is there any age that holds our independence. Its the individual, the surrounding, and just who they are. Ive grown up, in a way that i have my own way of thinking, of taking action, of seeing things. Im sure it was shocking and very unexpected. It was like.. Me??!! I am sorry, i really do.. Fr what happened and fr what i did. I didnt mean to, but like i said.. Maybe its the age factor or whatever factor it was .. Issssshhhhhhhh!! =(

faded black jeans

its been 2 weeks im in holiday. HOLIDAY!! Finally, after the long long two months, approx. (err.. not long lh, it feels short.very) but looking back, weighing, counting, batah sbenarnya attachment atu. hehe. Most conners of my memory now filled with my days here, i was thinking mcm nada wh the 9 months back in misr. Oh,dont get it wrong there, id be lying if i say i dont miss egypt. I do. But not enough to gimme the urge of going back there-err.. Yet.

I fall to a routine now, no need to mention, but i have all the time in the world now. Haha. Ask me, tidur? Btapa dlm bilik? Im an expert :p emm i think the phrase should be changed to "i waste all the time in the world now" cana? Haha. I go jln and everything, quite often. But mostly at night. Yth mcm nd puas2 rsanya. And yg boringnya i dnt think i can go meet friends later, andang slalu nd blaku due to transport prob.

Compared to the two months of attachment, i barely had a "life",esp yg 2nd mnth lh. I lost track of days, of time (smpai lupaku kurik tlinga wh sbulan2 ah) haha pcaya kh ndakh mnasja biskita :p ..and now, i do appreciate having those days. I enjoyed this year's program much much more. I like this yr's holiday much better. I am happier, i suppose. Haha. (boo, bunyinya mcm urg bekaseeeeh kaseeehan sj. =p) nway, i hope il be happy fr the rest of the days. Happier. Emm i hope it lasts. Happy. =)

surprising tho, i can stop the desire to step on pump it up, quite long ago. Thanks to the damn lost track of times lh kali. Haha. As much as i miss that other life of mine, or counting days mulih ksna (not in that excited way lh. In btween of thinking and planning and excitement and sadness....... ) , im.. I feel its so skajap here. I dnt feel its enough tho. Haha u dnt get to hear this often frm me. Not so like me. Hehe. two weeks plus more. Hope i'l make use of the time wisely. Hope i'l fulfill my wishlist, if not all, then most. I wanna spend more time with anak buah (and family lh.hehe). Hopefully,wise and fun.ececeh. Oh oh kn main bunga api ku eh :D puas2 mkan,mbali,beujan,mliat utan,main kucing.. And what else? Aiii im addicted to reading fictions nowadays (its been quite a while plg addicted, tpi now krasahan tia mbali buku ah.kacchhing.heee)

bh enjoy ur holiday guys!!